Mum has been living in a very sheltered housing complex ( Scotland) for almost a year . She has Alzheimer’s & Vascular dementia . The complex has been outstanding but now they have told us that even with her social work care package they cannot provide the level of care she needs . As a family we agree , her mobility is really poor , it takes two to help her to the toilet ( and takes 20mins to get her to sit down on loo ) , it takes 3 staff to shower her , the complex doesn’t have any specialist equipment of course . We chose not to tell mum of her diagnosis , she insists there is nothing wrong with her and that she does not need help at all . We have found a care home , social work have assessed her as needing nursing care and the GP is coming on Wednesday to complete the adults with incapacity assessment . Although she has always said she hates the sheltered housing we know she will refuse to go to care . She can do nothing for herself and although the family provide 50 hours of care a week , even we can’t do what she needs in her current environment. She cannot co ordinate her movement to get into a car and can only sometimes walk with the aid of a pulpit style walker ( she’s been getting physio for a few weeks ). We are waiting on a wheelchair . That’s the practicalities … what we really need help with is … how do we tell her she needs to move to the care home ? When do we tell her ? Because of her mobility we can’t just ‘ drop in ‘ for a visit . Because she does not know or accept she needs help she will be distraught .. I can’t sleep for the worry … I would be so very grateful for any help from those of you who have experienced this situation . Many thanks
How do we tell mum she needs to move to nursing home ?
- Thread starter Loym
- Start date
Welcome to Dementia Support Form @Loym. I think I wouldn't tell your mum till the day it is happening, and then say that her doctors feel she needs a bit of convalescence so she is going to spend a week or two in a nice place to build up her strength. I'm assuming you are going to get specialised transport to get her there? When she is there just keep on repeating the same 'when the doctor says you can' about when she is going home.
Do you know which nursing home she will be going to, if you can go in ahead of time and personalise her room and talk to the staff about her likes and dislikes. My mother in law moved from her house into care and I don't think she ever realised she'd moved as the home set up her room in a similar way to her one at home and greeted her on arrival with a cup of her favourite Earl Grey tea.
This is a very friendly and supportive place an I'm sure others will be along soon with their tips and suggestions.
Do you know which nursing home she will be going to, if you can go in ahead of time and personalise her room and talk to the staff about her likes and dislikes. My mother in law moved from her house into care and I don't think she ever realised she'd moved as the home set up her room in a similar way to her one at home and greeted her on arrival with a cup of her favourite Earl Grey tea.
This is a very friendly and supportive place an I'm sure others will be along soon with their tips and suggestions.
Thank you so much . We will need specialist transport . We have looked at 7 and chosen a care home and will move her beloved sideboard and chairs to her room there . We will certainly consider using the phrases you suggest
You need to get creative. Say the dr says she needs her mobility evaluated. Dr says she needs nursing treatment to help her mobility, so instead of her having to go in a busy hospital on a busy ward you’ve sorted out this lovely “ nursing place” where she can have her own room. That’s what I said to my mum… she went straight from hospital to the home as she had broken her hip, but the scenario would work for your mum.
good luck, it’s absolutely heartbreaking, but best a love lie than the crushing truth.
good luck, it’s absolutely heartbreaking, but best a love lie than the crushing truth.
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