Crisis team said we don’t meet the criteria but we are in crisis

[MapleCoffee]

Hi, I posted a while ago about how I care for my nan with my mum, and how I wasn’t coping.

Long story short, I’ve had three breakdowns in the last three weeks and my mum has agreed that we need to put my nan in a care home urgently. Neither of us can go on living with this, she’s incontinent and needs personal care we can’t provide, and our mental health isn’t going to last.

We called the care team last night and they offered us an assessment at the end of April, but we said we can’t wait that long. So she put us through to the crisis team but they’ve said we don’t meet her criteria of a crisis. So we’ve been bounced through to someone else, waiting on their call now.

What do we say to make them believe us that we can’t go on like this? She’s aggressive, she’s verbally abusive which is triggering my diagnosed PTSD, we can’t meet her hygiene needs, I had a breakdown and I’ve had to go on new psych meds, my mum’s having thoughts of hitting her. All of these things are true, we don’t know how to persuade them that we genuinely are in crisis and can’t cope like this for another month or two.

At the same time, I don’t want to see her dumped in an abusive home that’s rated inadequate, and one near us has that reputation. No idea what to do for best, any advice very welcome.

 

[SAP]

Tell the crisis team that it is a major safeguarding issue, that your nannas become aggressive and you believe this will escalate , your mum no longer feels safe caring for your nan and your nans health is at risk due to care needs that can’t be met. Tell she there is a very high chance of your nan needing to be admitted to hospital through infection or because she may hurt herself. Also say that you are withdrawing your care because your own health is compromised and you and your mum are considering moving out. I know this may all seem harsh but you must be brutally honest with mental health and social care teams as they will just stick you on a list otherwise.

 

[Kevinl]

Just tell them what you've told us and don't hold back.
Good luck. K

 

[MapleCoffee]

Tell the crisis team that it is a major safeguarding issue, that your nannas become aggressive and you believe this will escalate , your mum no longer feels safe caring for your nan and your nans health is at risk due to care needs that can’t be met. Tell she there is a very high chance of your nan needing to be admitted to hospital through infection or because she may hurt herself. Also say that you are withdrawing your care because your own health is compromised and you and your mum are considering moving out. I know this may all seem harsh but you must be brutally honest with mental health and social care teams as they will just stick you on a list otherwise.

Thank you. The GP is calling us in the morning and we’re going to be completely honest and ask for a crisis referral to prevent hospital admission. I think the key words seem to be “hospital admission” to give social care a kick up the bum.

I really appreciate having this space to vent free of judgement x

 

[Kevinl]

More than welcome from us all I'm sure, take care and good luck and as SAP says,major safeguarding issue, trigger phrase. K

 

[Dunroamin]

Not sure 'hospital admission' are the key words. IF she is in hospital it absolves SS for a while

 

[canary]

The key words are that she is "at risk of harm and causing harm to others"

 

[sdmhred]

Crisis teams are generally now often the ‘gateways’ to psychiatric hospital so that is their criteria. They will probably only get involved if your Nan is on the verge of being sectioned.

I would probably go back to the SS care team and say you and your mum are having carers breakdown…which is true,,,and that you will be going away for a fortnight on Saturday as otherwise you may require mental health crisis intervention.

Then say ur Nan will be on her own and unable to self care and is a risk to herself and others etc.

You will need to hold your nerve but push push push…..and if u can go away ……go for it…..phone the police on leaving if nothing done and say she’s on her own etc etc it’s absolutely dreadful but sometimes what it takes.

 

[Kevinl]

Harsh to say but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, patient poker, just a matter of who folds first, but as has been said, they have a legal duty of care you don't, threaten to walk away it's ugly I know but regrettably sometimes it works.
You're part of the solution, not part of the problem, poker face on , pull your big girl pants up to your waist and go for it, that and thank you for all you've done. K

 

[Tanzanite]

Thank you. The GP is calling us in the morning and we’re going to be completely honest and ask for a crisis referral to prevent hospital admission. I think the key words seem to be “hospital admission” to give social care a kick up the bum.

I really appreciate having this space to vent free of judgement x

Unfortunately SS would probably welcome your nan going into hospital as it will then mean it's not SS problem anymore, it will be down to the hospital to look after her.

When I had carers burnout with my dad, & SS could not provide ANY carers to help me, they told me "it might be a good thing that your dad is unable to take his meds on his own if you left, as then he'd become unwell enough for the hospital to have to take him".

I reported that to his mental health team, who said that is disgraceful, but doesn't surprise them.

Hopefully your SS have more integrity & morals than ours.

Keep up the good fight xx

 

[helpingpeggy]

Unfortunately SS would probably welcome your nan going into hospital as it will then mean it's not SS problem anymore, it will be down to the hospital to look after her.

When I had carers burnout with my dad, & SS could not provide ANY carers to help me, they told me "it might be a good thing that your dad is unable to take his meds on his own if you left, as then he'd become unwell enough for the hospital to have to take him".

I reported that to his mental health team, who said that is disgraceful, but doesn't surprise them.

Hopefully your SS have more integrity & morals than ours.

Keep up the good fight xx

The trouble is that often there ARE no carers available…so admitting the person to hospital means that they are safe whilst their needs are assessed and a place found for them in a care home or a care package commissioned for them to return home.

 

[Tanzanite]

The trouble is that often there ARE no carers available…so admitting the person to hospital means that they are safe whilst their needs are assessed and a place found for them in a care home or a care package commissioned for them to return home.

@helpingpeggy I wasn't prepared to just leave my dad to fend for himself tho. He couldn't understand how to take his meds, which were basically keeping him alive, & he wouldn't eat or drink without being prompted. Plus after how poorly he was treated while he was previously in hospital, as well as how badly I was guilt tripped by being told I was adding to the bed blocking problem in Cornwall, I decided it would be more stress to both him & myself if I walked out on him. So I struggled on.
Unfortunately he passed away in February, & I am so glad that I did carry on caring for him, because I miss him every day, & would do anything to have him back & care for him again, despite how hard it was, I would do it all again.

 

[helpingpeggy]

@helpingpeggy I wasn't prepared to just leave my dad to fend for himself tho. He couldn't understand how to take his meds, which were basically keeping him alive, & he wouldn't eat or drink without being prompted. Plus after how poorly he was treated while he was previously in hospital, as well as how badly I was guilt tripped by being told I was adding to the bed blocking problem in Cornwall, I decided it would be more stress to both him & myself if I walked out on him. So I struggled on.
Unfortunately he passed away in February, & I am so glad that I did carry on caring for him, because I miss him every day, & would do anything to have him back & care for him again, despite how hard it was, I would do it all again.

I’m sorry for your loss, Tanzanite, but it sounds like you made the right decision to carry on caring for your Dad yourself and give him the best possible care.