Well we got mum to the gps. She has to go back for blood and urine tests next week to rule out any other causes and then will be referred to the memory clinic so at least we're on the way now.
It wasn't a smooth road, but I didn't really expect it to be. As soon as mum knew where we were going she said she didn't want to go, and all the usual things we had when its been mentioned before, including it's only me that thinks there's a problem and I just want to stick her in a home!
This hurts as I've stopped doing a lot of things I enjoy and given up a lot of my time, changed my day to day life to be there for mum more and more, and if i just wanted rid of her I wouldn't be going to see her so much and thinking and worrying about her most of the time. I know deep down its just her lashing out as she scared about whats happening and doesn't want to face it, but it still hurts doesn't it.
In the end she did say she'd go but told me not to go telling them lots of stuff and making out she's mental because I always make things out they're worse than they are.
She kept asking what they'd do? I explained what I thought would happen, from what I had been told on here so thank you for you replies about what happens x
She seemed happier knowing and thinking they wouldn't put her straight in a home today but still thought that would happen and it would be horrible no matter what we said. Then she told me if I told them she was mental she'd kill me and that she'd never forgive me and that she'd never talk to me again.
She kept asking what they would ask her and hubby and I both said we didn't know. She must have been trying to figure it out because then she started asking her address, and later her age. I told her I couldn't tell her as if those were gps question it would defeat the object.She wasn't impressed I wouldn't tell her any answers and called me a pain.
We were surprised how resourceful she was in her effort to make it look like she was fine because she rummaged through her bag in the back of the car and must have found something because later said oh '999 letsbi avenue' (
she said her own address really)
She was still asking questions and warning me off telling the doctor anything while we were waiting to go in but was also saying she wanted me to go in with her.
When we went in and gp asked what was wrong, mum said 'you'd better ask her' and sort of sneered at me over her shoulder as I had sat at the side of her but she was faced towards doctor away from me.The gp asked me so I said mum was forgetting things and getting mixed up. She'd said I could make an appointment but now she doesn't want to come. So gp then asked mum what did she think and mum said she was fine and she was functioning.
She asked her a few things like was she managing to do stuff around the house and shopping, mum said oh yes I'm doing my work fine, (i shook my head) and she helps with my shopping, are you eating ok, not bad, am not brill but not bad (more head shaking) she said yes fine to whatever doctor asked. She asked if mum lived on her own and Mum said yes and she asked if was alright on her own so mum said mm, well she was on her a own and that was lonely, she saw us a lot, most days but she spent a lot of time on her own and that doesn't help when you're lonely.
Gp asked if she could ask us what we had noticed, mum took a while to answer n so she said sometimes we can think we're doing ok but other people close to us notice things we don't so then mum said ok I suppose so, but glared at me over her shoulder. Feeling very uncomfortable and aware mum was listening and really didn't want me to say anything I did find it hard to answer.
I said she was forgetting things and getting mixed up, a few times she couldn't remember where she lived and had forgotten her house and my house, she'd got upset over locking up and had thought she had lost her keys outside when they were there next to her and she was inside with doors locked and had got so upset a couple of times we'd had her to stay with us cos she was scared to be on her own and she had asked a few times what her job was. Mum chipped in at that and said she hadn't said that. I thought I better hurry up so picking up on one of things Gp asked mum about that mum had answered wrongly I added that she wasn't doing her housework either unless I told her about it.
Gp then asked if mum ever left things on in the kitchen, I said not that we're aware of. And if she'd ever got lost or confused when out somewhere, I said she doesn't go out much at moment but a few months ago when we were going out regularly to the same places I had to tell her where to cross as she would try to go wrong way. She said so she's usually out with other people not on her own. I said yes she lost her confidence and not been out on her own for ages.
She then asked mum a few questions. One was her address that mum had figured out in car, her d/o/b which for some reason mum always knows but doesnt know her age. The day, I was sure she wouldn't know that as mum is forever asking but she did!!! Mind you she had asked us outside in waiting room and while waiting for us to answer someone else out there said it.
Gp asked her to remember an address and said would ask her it again at end. She carried on with few more questions, who queen was and which number both of which mum knew, asked what she was and where we were which mum knew, I thought gosh she's doing well here and going to pass this.
But then asked her to name surgery, which mum didn't know and said she'd never been there before, which she has but not many times admittedly. What year first world war was, mum didn't know (mind you neither did I cos I'm terrible at history but it is something mum would have known before), the year and date, didn't know those, guess what time it was, mum guessed wrong, then asked her to spell a word backwards which she did slowly and count from 20 backwards, mum seemed not to understand what that meant but then when got it started ok from 20 to 11 and then faltered a few times on last 10. She then asked her to tell her what the address was she had asked mum to remember, mum couldn't, she asked her to giver a clue the first word, gp said it was a street and mum said oh no I don't know that.
Gp said she was with us and thought mum could do with further tests for her memory and wanted to refer to member of memory team for further tests which mum did not look happy about. Gp said if mum was willing to go for those and then if they did turn out to be nothing then she could show us. And if she did have a problem it was better to find it out earlier rather than later and see if they could slow it down somewhat or deal with it to help her. So mum said ok if you think so.
Gp explained about going back for blood n urine sample to be tested which she was pretty sure wouldn't show anything but had to do them to rule out other causes and then would refer her onto a member of memory team who could do some more tests etc. Unfortunately while describing who would see mum for memory tests she said would be a nurse from mental health team, mums shoulders raised at the world mental as she keeps saying she's mental, we think she's mental, and they'll put her in home cos she's mental
But in the end we got through it and mum let me make appointment for tests next week and agreed to referral, whether she'll stick to that i don't know but she at least agreed so far.
Hubby was surprised by how with it mum was in the appointment, I must say she answered much better than I thought she would and was quite convincing. I told hubby what I had read about peoples survival mechanism clicking in and being able to appear more with it for a while, I think I saw it called host mode on here and she did seem to be in that at the appointment.
Afterwards she was very quiet and seemed exhausted and then later started asking questions about was she going home to her house, could she still live there, they hadn't said she couldn't live there yet had they, would she still be ok on her own and when would they put her in a home. We did our best to reassure her that things were just as there were for now and hopefully she'd be able to stay as she is but with some help. for once she did seem open to idea of carers if they were suggested. She seemed more settled although did go back to questions every so often during next couple of hours of visiting us.
Later after she had been home a while she rung up to ask if she lived there alone and said she had been looking for her mum, but that was daft because she had been dead years hadn't she. When I asked if she was ok, she said yes just seemed odd her being on her own and she needed to get used to it. She asked how long she had lived on her own and in that house. After answering I asked if she felt ok there and safe and she said yes I'm all locked up and said she knew it was her house and recognised it. She said she'd be ok there and was saying bye so I told her to ring me again if wanted to ask anything or if needed me. She said she would but thought she'd be ok.
I did think today would unsettle her, it must have been a big scary day for her, I know it has for me so probably doubly so for her so I'm hoping she will be ok.
