my mum is losing her memory so badly and i just dont know what to do


New member
May 28, 2024
hi im new , my mum is 87 this nov and id say over the last year her memory is going very badly downhill , very easily confused , admits she can remember barely anything , lives independantly , mcarthy type stone place , she still is ok with hygiene , cooking , things like that , but a conversation with her now is brutal , every time i speak with her its an hour of the same things on repeat , of what she told me the night previously or night before , shes forgetting names , sometimes shes called me my daughters name , or vice versa , but she does correct it quickly tho , now shes forgetting to order her meds on repeat and then saying the pharmacy arent giving them to her , temperment is now quite testy and aggressive , not swearing or shouting , but snapping easily , i only have to ask or say something and she will snap at me , my daughter is her only grandchild , they are very close and my mum dotes on her , leo loves staying over there with her , but now shes starting to dread it a fair bit as shes really starting to notice the change in her , my mum is starting to go on at her quite a bit whilst shes there , we both get accused of stuff , apparently i never phone her ever , havent ever discussed i changed my shift at work many months ago ,tonight i got accused of keeping a frying pan she lent me 7 years ago and never giving it back , this thing is electric with a lid and over a foot long and its in my cupboard she saw it when she stayed her last year , theres a lot of stuff in my kitchen cupboards but an electic foot long frying pan with a lid aint one of them , she means the electric sandwich toaster she gave me and said she didnt use anymore , when i tried to explain it she just shouted at me and i got told oh so im just crazy am i !! shes bought over 3 second hand mobiles as shes convinced bt will cut her off when it goes digital , but the minute i set them up and show her how to use one the next thing shes bought another and then says they are all my daughters ones shes left there , whilst she admits her memory is now so bad she refuses all help , service charges are a month overdue , when i offered to go to the bank with her i got shot down in flames , , she never hardly sees my daughter , teen is over there every week for a couple of days , iv been to her gp who were lovely and set up an appointment for her in june iv got my doubts she will even go , told me tonight what would i want to go to see dr mary for ! what can i even do if i cant even get the doctors involved if she dosent want to go , they did tell me shes no showed at least 3 appointments for blood test and diabetes checks , she tells me its because she cant understand there phone system to cancel it , its so simple there are only 4 options , but thats how easily shes confused now , . it is hard because im out for work at half 9 not back till gone 6 . my daughter has her own mental health struggles and is under counselling from a referal to cahms ,im trying to sort her out , struggle with my own moody temper due to the menopause , deak with all my aches and pains , menieres disease which gets worse under stress , and if i could win a huge amount on the lottery , never have to work i could buy a big house , get mother living with us , be easier to not worry so much feeling useless , i do feel useless like im not doing enough for her , i do invite her over to stay with us , but honestly she finds my stairs such a struggle , got no downstairs loo shes fallen several times and hurt herself in the street before now , i worry about her coming down my stairs , but even that gets turned against me as she just moans and complains to leo that i never invite her . i just really dont know where to go from her to get her an assessment or admit she needs some professional support .


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Oh dear, @theanxiousrabbit , that all sounds very, very familiar.

One of the symptoms of dementia is that although they will admit that their memory isnt very good, they are unable to understand that they have anything else wrong with themselves. If someone tries to suggest that they are having problems or that they are wrong, they will get shot down in flames.

I would send an email/letter to her GP bulletpointing all your concerns, like you have in your post here, so that it will go into her records and the GP will be aware of what is happening. If you can, I would also go with her when she sees the GP (and use whatever excuse she will accept), so that you can see and hear what happens. People with dementia get false memories and her account of what happened may not match reality