My mum has been diagnosed with vascular dementia, she has had a terrible year, she had a knee replacement in May 2023. She also has addisons disease which she has to take hydrocortisone to keep her alive. She had the knee replacement on the Tuesday and by Friday she suffered 6 seizures due to lack of sodium. She had to be put into an induced coma for a week and it was touch and go as to whether she would pull through. She was a little forgetful before the seizures and my grandma (mum’s mum) died of dementia a long time ago. After the seizures she wasn’t the same person at all, I was getting married in the July and luckily for me she was able to attend. She was there but she wasn’t she kept what looked like daydreaming. I can see it in my photos now. A year later numerous falls, a broken hip which led to one leg being shorter than the other she has been fully diagnosed with vascular dementia. I live an hour away from my parents and I try to go at least once per week in between work, being a mum and wife and also my husbands parents live with us and they are very elderly and have needs. My dad is struggling he is now getting some support thank goodness. I’ve watched this before with my grandma but with my mum it is just so hard not to have her, she isn’t who was my mum. A few months ago we saw glimmers of my “real” mum but now they have gone. I’ve tried to explain to my daughter and I’ve also tried not to let her go to her nannas as I think it would upset her too much but she is asking to go see nanna and pops. I cannot explain to my daughter properly about how her nanna is. We are all in so much heartache I just thought maybe I just needed a little support. Many thanks ❤️
Hi there my name is Kate, I am a wife and mother
- Thread starter K8D
- Start date
Welcome Kate! Wow your mum is the only other person I have come across with vascular dementia and adrenal insufficiency! My mum also has VD and secondary adrenal insufficiency. We’re further along the journey as mum is now later stages in a nursing home ….
I lost my mum a few years ago - but now have a ‘different mum’ - an overgrown but largely endearing toddler - I love her to bits but as you’re explaining to your daughter it’s a different person.
you’ve come to the right place for support - lots of wisdom, friendship on this site, it has been my lifeline!
I lost my mum a few years ago - but now have a ‘different mum’ - an overgrown but largely endearing toddler - I love her to bits but as you’re explaining to your daughter it’s a different person.
you’ve come to the right place for support - lots of wisdom, friendship on this site, it has been my lifeline!
Can't believe what you have on your plate. And if you're a psychotherapist you spend your days listening to everyone else's stuff as well.
Working with older people professionally has taught me a lot over the years. I feel it's a lesson that a much younger person can also learn. On some level supporting my Mum enriches my life, brings me into contact with a bunch of new people. I'm not saying it's fine for your daughter to hang out with her Gran but I think it's open to debate. Things can change and we have to adjust, whatever age we are, and it's not a bad thing to start experiencing that in life.
Poor Mum I said to my Dad yesterday. Yes, he said, I wouldn't wish it on a dog. So yes, living with the reality of this happening to your Mum, is a deep well. And with some much else going on, our poor brains are weary.
Working with older people professionally has taught me a lot over the years. I feel it's a lesson that a much younger person can also learn. On some level supporting my Mum enriches my life, brings me into contact with a bunch of new people. I'm not saying it's fine for your daughter to hang out with her Gran but I think it's open to debate. Things can change and we have to adjust, whatever age we are, and it's not a bad thing to start experiencing that in life.
Poor Mum I said to my Dad yesterday. Yes, he said, I wouldn't wish it on a dog. So yes, living with the reality of this happening to your Mum, is a deep well. And with some much else going on, our poor brains are weary.
you dont say how old your daughter is. my grandchildren go from 6 to 18. we have never hidden my husbands illness and they know age appropriate. the oldest one does our garden. some of the others may just help by not putting their shoes etc in the way for grandad to trip over. just simple things like taking his plate out, it doesnt have to be complicated. they understand if he forgets their name and will just tell him. hes been diagnosed for 4 years and theyve known all that time[youngest ones were toddlers]. they have learnt gradually over the years so now its not a shock when something else goes wrong or he needs more help. they just joke about it.
Thank you so much for replying to me, that means a lot. I spoke to my mum last night and she said she had a stranger living with her. The dementia is progressing very quickly and it is heartbreaking for all of us.
I’m so sorry you lost your mum, I can’t imagine not having my mum around she used to call me 5 or 6 times per day and now doesn’t call at all. I miss those calls.
Having a toddler will most definitely keep you on your toes ❤️
a toddler will absolutely keep you on your toes
Thank you so much for replying to me. Yes I listen to other people for 4 days every week. I have cut back my hours with mum being so poorly. And yes you are correct my brain at the moment is certainly weary.
Yes I’m absolutely considering my daughter seeing her nanna. Also no I wouldn’t wish it on a dog either I think it has to be the most awful disease that affects not only the person but everyone else around them. It’s absolutely soul destroying.
I’m sorry to hear your mum has this horrific illness too ❤️
Hi and thank you so much for replying to me. My daughter is 9 years old (going on 19!) I haven’t exactly hidden my mums illness from her I just haven’t taken her with me to visit my mum. I know in reality that she will have to go and see her nanna as it is not fair either for my daughter or my mum and dad. Father’s Day is coming up and I am planning on taking my daughter with me.
I am so sorry your husband has this horrible illness ❤️
It difficult when younger people are involved, we had to pack our youngest off to live with his big sister 150 miles away when my wife, his mum got early onset AZ he was 16 at the time.
She's been his stand in mum for more than half his life now.
It was difficult as my wife got early onset and people's perceptions aren't that a woman in her early 50s can have something like AZ, they suffer, us carers and family are just collateral damage to this awful illness. K
She's been his stand in mum for more than half his life now.
It was difficult as my wife got early onset and people's perceptions aren't that a woman in her early 50s can have something like AZ, they suffer, us carers and family are just collateral damage to this awful illness. K
Hi Kate @K8D
I am fairly new here but I’ve been a reader for a few years. I have found lots of very useful practical advice. There’s also a lot of support from people who really understand.
My mum has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, first diagnosed in 2019. She has almost no short term memory and her long term memories are becoming very muddled and confused. She has lived in a nursing home for just over a year.
A group of schoolchildren about the same age as your daughter visited my mum’s nursing home recently. They brought their favourite books with them as it was World Book Day. They showed residents their books and chatted to them. They all seemed so grown up and confident - I think 9 going on 19 is about right! I certainly don’t think I was like that at their age. There were a lot of happy smiles from residents.
I hope your visit to see your parents on Father’s Day goes well.
Hi Michelle @MHay
I’m very sorry that your in laws have dementia and that they will not accept support. There are lots of people here who have been in the same situation and will be able to provide advice. If you start a new thread for yourself under “Say Hello and Introduce Yourself” then I am sure others will get back to you. It’s possible your message might get lost and not be seen here.
Best wishes.
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