Hello, I'm new here. It is really good to find this forum and be in touch with others who are meeting similar challenges. My dear Mum is 91 and has been struggling with severe sight loss for some years. She lives alone. During this time she experienced visual hallucations (Charles Bonnet syndrome) and depression. Over the last year her carers and I noticed significant changes to memory, personality and moods. Interesting to read the other threads but there is a long history of UTI's, dealt with by repeated antibiotic prescriptions. It seems to be taking ages to get a diagnosis; after a 3 week wait for a domiciliary phlobotomist (try saying that after a few drinks....) visit, blood tests came back clear apart from a slight change in kidney function, due to age, as the GP said. The GP now wants another urine sample, ostensibly to keep an eye on UTI, but I believe it may be to check kidney function. The GP has done 2 MME tests, but I do not know the results.
So, at present we are dealing with my Mum's confusion about who is coming in when, what time of day it is, what month it is, is the Queen Mother dead, what's the name of the word I want to remember (Cardigan
), have I eaten my lunch, how many weeks to Christmas etc... But this last week there has been a deterioration in behaviour, deep depression (Am I worth saving? We've all got to go one time and my time has come), not answering the phone as she believed it would be kinder if I found her dead in bed
, and not "being bothered" to go to the loo but doing it there and then in her knickers. Oh and also confusion over dressing, sometimes 4 pairs of knickers and 2 incontinence pads, like a knicker club sandwich!!
I am lucky in that whilst being a carer myself, my Mum also has a wonderful and positive and caring PA via Direct Payments. But the last few weeks I have found myself having to leave my teaching job to make sure my Mum was OK. Quite often in the mornings she just refuses to get up. There is no care in place in the early mornings as we so want to encourage her to continue to do things for herself and I am worried that by having someone get her up in the mornings she will lose that confidence, self-esteem and independence. However my husband is worried about the strain and worry on me in the mornings. Care is in place at lunch-time and evening. When I visit I stay quite long and try to distract her thoughts to something positive, or talk in the past or try to encourage her to do something like sign a few Christmas cards, so her self-esteem is raised.
I have read about 3 books on dementia, including Oliver James's wonderful new book and we are actively following that advice, but now I find I need more specific advice and really do not know who to turn to.
Like a previous person here, I have also experienced the slow diagnosis of my Mum's UTI's, lost urine samples etc.. and it just seems to be taking forever to get some form of guidance about my Mum's mental health.
However my main search for advice is re the morning care. If I asked Social Services to conduct a review assessment and put more care in place in the mornings, would that be advisable or should I just encourage my Mum to get herself up in the mornings?
I would be so grateful for some advice. Thank you.