Help, Dad's dementia is going to kill him and me
- Thread starter burfordthecat
- Start date
Hello Burf
I too have been reading your thread since the beginning with so much admiration for all you have done for your father. The fact he was so special and loved shone out through all your posts and I know you will miss him dreadfully. It is exactly six months since my mum died of this dreadful disease and your news made me weep yesterday for all you and your dad have gone through. This message board is such a wonderful support and I am sure that you have found that too.
We had a service of celebration for mum and it was a wonderful day where all her friends got together to raise a glass to her and remember her with a smile - I hope your day will be the same, it was such a comfort to us.
with love from Dee
I too have been reading your thread since the beginning with so much admiration for all you have done for your father. The fact he was so special and loved shone out through all your posts and I know you will miss him dreadfully. It is exactly six months since my mum died of this dreadful disease and your news made me weep yesterday for all you and your dad have gone through. This message board is such a wonderful support and I am sure that you have found that too.
We had a service of celebration for mum and it was a wonderful day where all her friends got together to raise a glass to her and remember her with a smile - I hope your day will be the same, it was such a comfort to us.
with love from Dee
My Condolences
Dear Burford
I have followed your thread from the start and althought I never had anything constructive to add I often said a prayer for you and your father.
Today I wept at the sad news of your loss. I had to register only to be able send you my deepest sympathy and congratulate you on the selfless support you gave your father in the last six months.
My prayers continue for you and I hope the words of all on this forum bring you comfort.
Jay
Dear Burford
I have followed your thread from the start and althought I never had anything constructive to add I often said a prayer for you and your father.
Today I wept at the sad news of your loss. I had to register only to be able send you my deepest sympathy and congratulate you on the selfless support you gave your father in the last six months.
My prayers continue for you and I hope the words of all on this forum bring you comfort.
Jay
Hi Newbie
Thank you and welcome to TP. Thanks for your post, it really does mean a lot to me. The only thing which I have done is to post on my thread exactly as things are (warts and all). My hope now is that this thread may give support and guidance to any one else who has to walk in my shoes.
I hope that TP gives you as much as it has already given me.
Love from
Thank you and welcome to TP. Thanks for your post, it really does mean a lot to me. The only thing which I have done is to post on my thread exactly as things are (warts and all). My hope now is that this thread may give support and guidance to any one else who has to walk in my shoes.
I hope that TP gives you as much as it has already given me.
Love from
Thanks Jan, Sue, Gill, Helen and Dee
Thank you does not seem to be sufficient. You all care and for that I am so grateful.
Today has been "odd". The coroner's office rang to say that despite a post mortum(SP) the cause of dad's death was still "unknown". They have sent away tissue samples to try to ascertain the full picture. Who knows, maybe dad will take the answer to the grave with him.
The pathologist seems to to have been able to rule out many of the possible causes of death but so far not the actual cause. This will not delay the funeral but I don't think that the answers will come back from the tissue samples until Sep at the earliest.
Love from
Thank you does not seem to be sufficient. You all care and for that I am so grateful.
Today has been "odd". The coroner's office rang to say that despite a post mortum(SP) the cause of dad's death was still "unknown". They have sent away tissue samples to try to ascertain the full picture. Who knows, maybe dad will take the answer to the grave with him.
The pathologist seems to to have been able to rule out many of the possible causes of death but so far not the actual cause. This will not delay the funeral but I don't think that the answers will come back from the tissue samples until Sep at the earliest.Love from
Hello Jay
Hello Jay - how kind of you to join in on this special thread - just a word of advice - your name stays the same here from the start - i don't know if you can re-register but you might want to consider this (I haven't seen a Jay here - what a lovely name) - if you check with moderators they can advise....
Oh......... - how do you cope with this - I can only think - just walk away - you seem to be doing that already - in saying - answers may not come at all, or answers may not come for a long time - I am very impressed with your approach and this will bring much peace to you and your family, in the short & maybe the long term. I am most honoured to be listed as having been of some small help today. Thinking of you tonight xoxoThank you does not seem to be sufficient. You all care and for that I am so grateful.
Today has been "odd". The coroner's office rang to say that despite a post mortum(SP) the cause of dad's death was still "unknown". They have sent away tissue samples to try to ascertain the full picture. Who knows, maybe dad will take the answer to the grave with him.
Love from
Burf - I think your attitude is probably the only tenable one. I wouldn't be at all surprised if what you're suggested turns out to be true - that you never find out the actual cause of death. I think there are an awful lot of people who are in the same position but never know it, not that that's much comfort. I do know the registrar who registered my mother's death told me that "AF" (i.e. atrial fibbrilation) which had been put on my mother's death certificate was more a description of a symptom rather than a cause and that although doctors had been told not to put it down, they still did. In other words, you know you don't know.
I hope you and your family are bearing up. How did your father's friend take the news?
I hope you and your family are bearing up. How did your father's friend take the news?
Dear Burf
I agree with jennifer. You know you may never know, but that's not what's important.
You've cared for your dad, done your very best for him, and he has received good medical attention and care, so the detail won't make any difference.
I like your idea for a funeral and a celebration of your dad's life. I hope it is giving you some comfort to arrange things as he would want -- just as you have always done.
Thinking of you all,
Love,
I agree with jennifer. You know you may never know, but that's not what's important.
You've cared for your dad, done your very best for him, and he has received good medical attention and care, so the detail won't make any difference.
I like your idea for a funeral and a celebration of your dad's life. I hope it is giving you some comfort to arrange things as he would want -- just as you have always done.
Thinking of you all,
Love,
So sorry
Dear Burford, I have just come back online after a short break. Just proves (again) how suddenly life can change. I have read your thread from the beginning and seen how much thought you've put into your Dad's care, and of course now will put into planning the 'celebration of his life'. Hope you can draw strength from knowing you did your very best and expressed your love over and over. At least your Dad is at peace, and in time you will remember just the better bits - so people say. Lots of love at this terribly sad time.
Dear Burford, I have just come back online after a short break. Just proves (again) how suddenly life can change. I have read your thread from the beginning and seen how much thought you've put into your Dad's care, and of course now will put into planning the 'celebration of his life'. Hope you can draw strength from knowing you did your very best and expressed your love over and over. At least your Dad is at peace, and in time you will remember just the better bits - so people say. Lots of love at this terribly sad time.
Hello Burf,
I'm very sad to read of your loss. He is not in pain anymore. Sending you my love at this difficult and distressing time.
xxTinaT
I'm very sad to read of your loss. He is not in pain anymore. Sending you my love at this difficult and distressing time.
xxTinaT
Thank you all
Hi
Just an update. The funeral arrangements are now in place. Dad's cremation will take place next Tuesday (16 June) at 2pm. On the Wednesday, there will be an inturmment(sp?) back in the village where dad lived for over 50 years. Not sure if I am going to mange this, but I want to read this poem at the creamatorium:
My Father kept a garden.
A garden of the heart;
He planted all the good things,
That gave my life its start.
He turned me to the sunshine,
And encouraged me to dream:
Fostering and nurturing the seeds of self-esteem.
And when the winds and rain came,
He protected me enough;
But not too much because he knew
I would stand up strong and tough.
His constant good example,
Always taught me right from wrong;
Markers for my pathway that will last
a lifetime long.
I am my Fathers garden,
I am his legacy.
Thank you Dad, I love you. Annon
Hi
Just an update. The funeral arrangements are now in place. Dad's cremation will take place next Tuesday (16 June) at 2pm. On the Wednesday, there will be an inturmment(sp?) back in the village where dad lived for over 50 years. Not sure if I am going to mange this, but I want to read this poem at the creamatorium:
My Father kept a garden.
A garden of the heart;
He planted all the good things,
That gave my life its start.
He turned me to the sunshine,
And encouraged me to dream:
Fostering and nurturing the seeds of self-esteem.
And when the winds and rain came,
He protected me enough;
But not too much because he knew
I would stand up strong and tough.
His constant good example,
Always taught me right from wrong;
Markers for my pathway that will last
a lifetime long.
I am my Fathers garden,
I am his legacy.
Thank you Dad, I love you. Annon
