Help and advice please

[Ravenbrand]

My parents both have Alzheimer's and they're in their late 80's. More recently dad has become unpredictable and agitated. Before we were able to get him on any medication to help he had pushed mum. The end result was that we decided to get a live-in carer which we're paying for (£1650 a week). After a false start we got an excellent carer. He's currently on break and his replacement is good but not quite as capable. I have two areas of concern. The 1st is that they prepare ready meals but don't seem prepared to cook from scratch. I was expecting some preparing good honest food from raw ingredients rather than heating up a ready meal. Perhaps 50/50. I do this regularly and freeze some to ensure my parents get better food but had expected them to. The other issue is that they tend to leave my parents alone until they need help. There's no stimulation or engagement other than ensuring they're ok, fed, warm and comfy.
Am I expect or asking for too much?
Thank you for your thoughts and advice.

 

[SAP]

I think it rather depends on what the carers are contracted to do. Care is literally just that , not entertainment officer and cook. Also remember that many people with dementia do not want activities , especially for people they don’t really know. My mum used to hide in her room from her live in carers if they mentioned anything other than watching the tv or going for a walk.
These carers will have training in care not cooking skills, they may not be able to manage anything other than basic food prep for themselves let alone anyone else. If it is important to you that your parents have fresh food then cooking and freezing meals is probably the best way round this.

 

[canary]

TBH, the live-in carer sounds an absolute saint looking after 2 people with dementia 24/7, one of whom is unpredictable and agitated. I dont think many people would be able to cope with that and he probably doesnt have time to do anything else.

Not all ready meals are bad and quite often with dementia you just have to go with what they will eat, even if its not a fully balanced meal. If it worries you, though, could you continue to batch cook for your parents so that the the carer can just heat them up and so give meals that have been cooked from scratch?

 

[Grannie G]

I think there is a difference between carer and companion @Ravenbrand and it all depends on what you discussed originally.

I understand you are paying a lot of money but that is for two people with dementia which is a big undertaking .

I also know from personal experience how difficult it is to engage many people with dementia in activities. I suspect each parent has a different need and blanket supervision may be the best option otherwise concentration on one could cause distraction from the other

 

[Ravenbrand]

I think there is a difference between carer and companion @Ravenbrand and it all depends on what you discussed originally.

I understand you are paying a lot of money but that is for two people with dementia which is a big undertaking .

I also know from personal experience how difficult it is to engage many people with dementia in activities. I suspect each parent has a different need and blanket supervision may be the best option otherwise concentration on one could cause distraction from the other

Thank you. I appreciate your comments.

 

[Ravenbrand]

TBH, the live-in carer sounds an absolute saint looking after 2 people with dementia 24/7, one of whom is unpredictable and agitated. I dont think many people would be able to cope with that and he probably doesnt have time to do anything else.

Not all ready meals are bad and quite often with dementia you just have to go with what they will eat, even if its not a fully balanced meal. If it worries you, though, could you continue to batch cook for your parents so that the the carer can just heat them up and so give meals that have been cooked from scratch?

Thanks. This is exactly why I asked. It seems I'm expecting too much.

 

[Kevinl]

I hate to make the comparison but cooking with 2 young children can be a nightmare in a similar way. One needs the toilet, do you leave the other in the kitchen with pans boiling on the hob, knives out, oven on and all the rest.
I did it with my mum and wife in our house at the same time and it's a nightmare.
My mum had way more capacity than my wife and I would trust mum in the kitchen alone in a way I would never have trusted my wife.
It doesn't bear thinking about if anything has gone wrong, apart from anything else I'd be classed as the responsible adult.
I'm no fan of ready meals but it a safe option and some of them are pretty good, I could do better but needs must...K

 

[Ravenbrand]

I think it rather depends on what the carers are contracted to do. Care is literally just that , not entertainment officer and cook. Also remember that many people with dementia do not want activities , especially for people they don’t really know. My mum used to hide in her room from her live in carers if they mentioned anything other than watching the tv or going for a walk.
These carers will have training in care not cooking skills, they may not be able to manage anything other than basic food prep for themselves let alone anyone else. If it is important to you that your parents have fresh food then cooking and freezing meals is probably the best way round this.

Thank you.

 

[Ravenbrand]

Thank you.

I hate to make the comparison but cooking with 2 young children can be a nightmare in a similar way. One needs the toilet, do you leave the other in the kitchen with pans boiling on the hob, knives out, oven on and all the rest.
I did it with my mum and wife in our house at the same time and it's a nightmare.
My mum had way more capacity than my wife and I would trust mum in the kitchen alone in a way I would never have trusted my wife.
It doesn't bear thinking about if anything has gone wrong, apart from anything else I'd be classed as the responsible adult.
I'm no fan of ready meals but it a safe option and some of them are pretty good, I could do better but needs must...K

Thanks for your thoughts. Appreciated