Hello

[Aqua Marina]

Hi
I've found solace in browsing these forums for a while now and so I've joined.

My Dad was diagnosed early this year with AZ and vascular dementia, he fell at home 4 weeks ago and is still in hospital. This wasn't helped by him being a walking skeleton, Mum stopped cooking/caring for him at some point and I go every day to cook for him to try and get weight back on.
He had spent the week worrying about Mum after she spent 24hrs in A&E, only found to be a bit dehydrated and so he started to spiral down.
He was the chief washer up and tea maker and did the hoovering before his fall and now he hasn't got up since he went to hospital. Staff were shocked when I said he was fully mobile at home. PTs say he will not regain his mobility and bed based may be the new norm.

He was due to move to a D2A bed in a care home but they now have norovirus on the ward. I'm unsure if they just assume his dementia is advanced and so he cant walk and that's that. He was seeing animals and a boat on the ward tonight so I dunno if that's delirium? His dementia has worsened tons since he was in hospital.

I am exhausted running Mum round to numerous appointments then to visit Dad before the ward was infected.
I've been ringing round to get her some help as she just sits in a chair and has done so for past 12 mths at least. Memory Team scored her 82/100 in Sept without me there, she has vascular MCI, no treatment needed they said. I have them coming back in January.

My siblings have had a christmas, I have not, as I hadn't even managed to shop for basic groceries in the past 2 wks. I go to see Dad, encourage him to eat and drink and then to Mum and encourage her as she's still not drinking enough & cant even be bothered to eat Jelly Drops. Her depression is not getting any better now dad's not there to look after her.

I have a carer to help address the house and Mum on an informal basis pending social services input as her social worker was too busy before xmas and has never met either parent since he was assigned in July.
Another social worker was offering me a carer to get mum up, give brekky then back at lunch time etc, just assessing her by talking to me on the phone after I had complained to safeguarding the day before.

I could go on but I wont

 

[canary]

Oh my goodness, you have got so much happening @Aqua Marina
You must feel like your feet arnt touching the ground.
Your dad may well have delirium, people with dementia are very prone to it and a nasty fall can really take it out of someone who is elderly and frail
Im sorry to say that it does sound like your mum has dementia too - apathy is a very common early symptom and it may be that rather than depression. Im glad the memory team are seeing her again in Jan. I do hope she accepts the carers
xx

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Aqua Marina and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am so sorry to read about what you are going through. It really sounds as if you have been let down very badly by social services at times.
I think that you need to go back to social services and tell them that you are totally exhausted and approaching carer breakdown due to trying to care for both parents, no one can keep up with the running around that you are trying to do.
I am also wondering if your mum would also be better in residential care as from your description it would appear she has a form of dementia, it is good that the memory team are seeing her soon.
Finally is there any way that your siblings would be able to help you now and again.

 

[Aqua Marina]

Oh my goodness, you have got so much happening @Aqua Marina
You must feel like your feet arnt touching the ground.
Your dad may well have delirium, people with dementia are very prone to it and a nasty fall can really take it out of someone who is elderly and frail
Im sorry to say that it does sound like your mum has dementia too - apathy is a very common early symptom and it may be that rather than depression. Im glad the memory team are seeing her again in Jan. I do hope she accepts the carers
xx

Thanks, I meant it seems like he may be having delirium now, not so much since he first arrived at hospital, it appears his dementia has progressed during this time.
we all agreed Mum was much worse than Dad before he went into hospital because she doesn't do anything, laundry, housework, etc. She has accepted the carer we know so I've asked SS for Direct Payments to keep her, as she managed to get mum to shower after 2 hrs persuading her. If we get allocated 30 minute visits by an agency then it's just not the same.

Apathy is what I reckoned too.

 

[Aqua Marina]

Hello @Aqua Marina and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am so sorry to read about what you are going through. It really sounds as if you have been let down very badly by social services at times.
I think that you need to go back to social services and tell them that you are totally exhausted and approaching carer breakdown due to trying to care for both parents, no one can keep up with the running around that you are trying to do.
I am also wondering if your mum would also be better in residential care as from your description it would appear she has a form of dementia, it is good that the memory team are seeing her soon.
Finally is there any way that your siblings would be able to help you now and again.

Hi
I did keep phoning parents social worker before xmas, asking why no one got back to me yet to assess Mum as I could not maintain these hours I was supporting her. He said what makes you think your Mum will drink for a carer if she won't drink for you? I re-iterated that I have to keep prompting her and putting cup back in her hand and I could not maintain 8-10 hr days there. He still did not act, as he had told me 3 dys before that he was quite busy and going on a course so would be handing over my mum to a colleague the next week on 19th Dec just before his course. I said so nothing will happen b4 xmas? !! I ended up complaining to safeguarding after the Memory Team and the ward Doctor for Dad said I should complain to someone higher. I've asked Mum if she wants to go with dad if he cant come home and she doesn't. I asked 2 siblings to phone a relative who had a go at me last week & I've enough to do with sorting everything, plus house plus a year's laundry there, they both refused, one said he was having a break as its xmas.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Oh dear @Aqua Marina that is just awful for you. All I can suggest is that you keep on and on at social services, as the more you shout the more likely they are to listen to you.
I know you say your mum does not want to go into care but sometimes need outweigh wants.
And as for your siblings, that was an awful response.
Keep posting on here, we might not be able to resolve your problems but you will always find someone to listen to you.

 

[sdmhred]

Sending you hugs - sounds terrible. I wish we could make things better. You have found friends and support here

 

[Aqua Marina]

Sending you hugs - sounds terrible. I wish we could make things better. You have found friends and support here

Oh dear @Aqua Marina that is just awful for you. All I can suggest is that you keep on and on at social services, as the more you shout the more likely they are to listen to you.
I know you say your mum does not want to go into care but sometimes need outweigh wants.
And as for your siblings, that was an awful response.
Keep posting on here, we might not be able to resolve your problems but you will always find someone to listen to you.

Thanks, I felt pretty **** yesterday but was browsing the forum and could see I wasn't the only one.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Thanks, I felt pretty **** yesterday but was browsing the forum and could see I wasn't the only one.

You are among people who understand what you are going through. Try to take care of yourself now and again, I know it’s hard to find the time but it’s vital for your own health.

 

[Aqua Marina]

Thanks, I felt pretty **** yesterday but was browsing the forum and could see I wasn't the only one.

what I cant say rap with a c at the beginning? what is the woke world coming to?

 

[SeaSwallow]

what I cant say rap with a c at the beginning? what is the woke world coming to?

The background software deletes certain words, it’s fairly standard on many sites.