Hello from someone new to this situation, and grateful for advice

[Sanchez38]

We're awaiting a Memory Clinic appointment, but it's clear my mother has some form of dementia. My brother and I recently moved her to a house to be closer to us and where we can manage her life and health better for her; we're in the process of renting out her old home to fund her life here. This decision was made with her over a year ago, when she was much more aware and talking consistently about wanting to be closer to us and the rest of the family. Now she's here, it's a roller coaster from being "I'm so grateful, I'm so lucky to have my family, not everyone is so lucky" to "I feel isolated, no one comes to see me, you see (other members of the family) more than me, I'm going home (to her old house)". I just wonder how to approach the negative moods; I'm generally calm and try an explain the situation to her, particularly when the things she says are absolutely untrue I will tell her this is not what happened, they did not do that, etc. but she sees this as antagonistic and hostile. I don't mind this, she hasn't ever been an easy person to deal with. But given this new dimension of the disease, I don't know if I should just agree and pacify her, to help her feel better. Or if this will reinforce the (untrue) beliefs and they will magnify. This generally happens in phone calls, the only reason she will make a call, and which I'm tempted to just ignore.

Just to clarify we have taken care of everything from healthcare appointments, appointed a cleaner once a week, and specialist nurse twice a week, we also visit regularly. We've arranged the new home and house move and are currently doing up her old house and arranging new tenants, contracts. etc. Not saying this to get a medal, but to show we've done so much to ensure she's cared for and not isolated (as she was when she lived in her own home)

 

[Louise7]

Hello @Sanchez38 and welcome. Caring for someone with dementia is so hard but you and your brother seem to have done what you can to ensure that your mum is as safe and well cared for as she can be. Any sort of upheaval and change of environment or routine can unsettle someone with dementia though, so it may take some time for your mum to settle after the recent move. There does however come a time when trying to explain things doesn't work any more, and agreeing or going along with something can often be the best course of action to take in terms of causing less distress to the individual. This is a great place for asking questions and I'm sure others will be along to share their experiences but in the meantime you might find the link below helpful. It contains lots of ideas and suggestions around communication and many have found it helpful, although bear in mind that not every suggestion will work with every situation or person with dementia but you may well find something useful. Hope this helps, and do keep posting as there is so much useful information available from forum members.

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Sanchez38 and welcome from me too to this friendly and supportive forum.
There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I'm glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Mother.
You have already had sound advice and helpful information about communication so I hope that helps.
Do have a good look around the forums and ask any questions you may like to. But please remember, not everything that you read about on here will necessarily happen to your Mother. If it is dementia, everyone's path is different. Do try to take each day as it comes; cherish and enjoy the brighter moments.

 

[Gosling]

Hello, i'm also new here

Hello @mikifare and welcome to you this forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here.
Do please let us know a bit more about your situation and how dementia is affecting you or family friends in any way. Then members will be best placed to respond with helpful suggestions and advice if you need it.

 

[Sanchez38]

Thanks Lois and Gosling : )

 

[try again]

To the PWD what they are saying is what they think so of course they will get annoyed when you contradict them.
You may know you went to work today but if I was adamant that you were wrong and you were actually playing golf, I think you might get annoyed!