Welcome @Captain Scarlett from another expat, this time in Australia - a POM by birth now living in Australia. My OH was also diagnosed back in 2012 but it is really only in the last year or so that he has declined noticeably. Up until the end of last year he had been attending art groups at the local U3A but I know that won't work now so I'll be looking at local day respite centres too though I'm not sure they will be quite his "thing"! Does your OH settle at his respite centre? This is such a hard journey.
Hello from France
- Thread starter Captain Scarlett
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- alzheimer's disease
Thank you so much GillP. Ours is the only house in our valley, so no neighbours at all, 'isolated' really is the word!
I have wonderful friends at the end of the telephone in England but no-one nearby. It's why I've signed up here & I'm so touched by the kindness of everyone who's responded.
We’re in the Manche dept in Normandie - beautiful countryside and a lovely community, but as our french is still not brilliant it’s a little isolating. My wife has been slowly changing for a few years and we will soon need help. I have started to investigate the process so happy to chat it through with you.
Hello 2ndAlto, good to meet you!
It IS a hard journey, I agree. I, too, thought that a day centre would be impossible for my husband - not his thing either!
My husband initially refused point blank to go but on the advice of our GP I told him we were going to our nearest town and then gently but firmly walked him into the day centre. Once there the professionals took over and, since he's much more co-operative with others than he is with me, he took his seat and I could leave. The first couple of weeks were tough but once a Tuesday routine was established things got much easier. He doesn't like it but there's no more arguing or refusal.
He complains bitterly to me that he finds it dull and boring and it doesn't do him any good but the staff tell me that he takes part enthusiastically and is happy and smiling all day so I take his complaints with a pinch of salt.
I wish you luck!
Bonsoir Cerisy, enchantée!
We're in Haute-Marne, in the new National Park, also beautiful countyside.
I'm sorry you're also feeling a little isolated but very glad you have a supportive community around you. Are you managing to communicate with your GP and hospital ok? After 15 years my French is good but the learning curve of medical jargon & form filling has been huge. And, boy, the French do love an acronym!
It's really good to find someone who is also navigating the French dementia care system so, yes, let's chat together.
Bonsoir Tricot,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm already very touched by the warmth of the welcome I've received here.
i'm not familiar with the Assistant Social, are they usually attached to the Mairie?
I've had contact with Alzheimer's France but our particular difficulty is that my husband has lost all of his French and so, much of the help which is available to others is not available to him. Not in Haute-Marne anyway, where finding an English-speaking orthophonist would be a miracle. It's a large part of the reason why I've been the sole carer for so long. That & the general lack of staff in Alzheimer's care in this region; the neurologist gave us a prescription for 12 one hour sessions of help from the local ESAD team but they told us they couldn't help because they are so poorly staffed there is already a very long waiting list.
I am grateful for the Accueil de Jour and am hoping for a second day in a couple of months. That and the kindness on this forum may well be all I need to keep going!
Thanks Captain Scarlett, your experience with Day Care Respite is good to know. So much like a toddler going to Nursery or kindy, wails and tries to refuse to go but is perfectly happy when there!
I do hope so, @Captain Scarlet and so good that @Cerisy is able to share experience with you. I'm sure that will benefit you both. Yes, the Mairie is first port of call for the Assistant Social. I don't know your personal circumstances so don't know in which ways she might be able to help you but please do make yourself known to her/him. At the very least they can help you with paperwork. The assistant social doesn't have the negative connotations we associate with social workers in UK. I've been told that most people need to contact an Assistant Social at some point during their lives. I'm glad your French is sufficient to communicate though I know specialised medical vocabulary is something else entirely! Best wishes to you and your husband.
I have a dear friend who lives in the Alpes-Maritimes region with an advanced stage of early onset Alzheimer. I would love to know more about who we can contact in France as a support group, or anything you would recommend from a French support perspective.
Hello NikNak586,
I'm sorry for the delay in replying; I was doing a little research for the Alpes-Maritime area!
The first place to try is France Alzheimer Alpes-Maritimes. Their website looks rather general at first but there is a wealth of info for local help. You could phone them too, of course, and I would be very surprised if someone didn't speak English in that Departement. There is also the very helpful MAIA Alpes-Maritime (Maison pour l'Autonomie et l'Intégration des malades d'Alzheimer) who will have a Guide des Ressources Gériatriques for the Departement.
Is your friend under the care of the Memory Centre at the hospital in Antibes? If so, there is an Infirmière Coordinatrice (a sort of Practice Nurse) and it is part of their job to put the patient in touch with local support. The hospital website has their contact details. I have found ours in Dijon to be extremely kind and helpful.
If your friend is not being seen by a neurologist then their own GP should also have arranged some local care for them. There is an ESAD team for Alpes-Maritime (Equipe Spécialisée Alzheimer Domicile) who will visit the home. Their purpose is to help maintain the autonomy of the patient via strategies to compensate for the loss of capabilities so they can stay in their own home but they also offer excellent support for the carer. With a similar purpose, there is the team called SSIAD (Services de Soins Infirmiers à Domicile) who cater more to the medical side of things - giving injections, medicines and hygiene care. Both of these teams are available by prescription only either via the GP or the Infirmier. In addition, if your friend lives in a rural area there is the local ADMR team (Aide à Domicile en Milieu Rural) a group which provides Home Help (light cleaning, washing and ironing, cooking, help in the bathroom etc) to senior citizens and all those unable to care for themselves at home. They are not Alzheimer's specialists although many of there staff have experience with Alzheimer's care. No prescription is necessary but the GP can put them in touch with your friend or you could contact them directly if language is not a barrier. This service will have to be paid for which leads me to financial aid. France Alzheimer's will be able to help you with an application for APA (Allocation Personalisée d'Autonomie) financial aid to pay the necessary expenses to stay at home (adaptation of the home, regular visits from the ADMR for example) However, your friend must be over 60 to qualify. The APA is also the form to fill in for a Disabled Parking Permit.
You don't mention a carer but if there is one then the GP can put them in touch with the local Plateforme de Répit, which offers practical and psychological support to Alzheimer's patients and their carers.
In the event that staying in their own home is no longer possible for your friend you need to look for an EHPAD (Etablissements d'Hérbergement pour Personnes Agées Dépendantes) which is what we would call a Care Home. It must have a Unitée Démence or Secteur Protégé ( a Dementia Unit). Again, the GP should help you with this.
I'm sure I've missed something here but I'll post again if I think of it. Please do ask at any time if there's anything else I can help with.
Bon courage x
Sorry! I rather wrote this as though YOU are responsible for getting your friend all this support, I didn't mean to. It's force of habit, I'm afraid!
What a great reply to @NikNak586 , @Captain Scarlett, and really useful to anyone else trying to sort out how to care for someone with dementia in France.
I hope your husband has now settled in day care. Is there a possibility of more help, or does living in a temp place make that tricky?
I hope your husband has now settled in day care. Is there a possibility of more help, or does living in a temp place make that tricky?
This is super helpful thank you. She has no real local support (other than her son who, despite being well intentioned, is not capable of making these types of enquiries), so I have stepped in remotely to see what support I can find. There are some great suggestions in your reply and I will try all of them. It's always so tragically sad when people appear to fall through the support net. Thank you kindly, Nik
Hi @Captain Scarlett. and welcome.
The best advice that I can give you is come on here regularly and have a bloody good moan, get it off your chest and then have another glass of Beaujolais, whilst we envy you being out of the British rain.
Keep smiling and people wonder what you've been up to😂
The best advice that I can give you is come on here regularly and have a bloody good moan, get it off your chest and then have another glass of Beaujolais, whilst we envy you being out of the British rain.
Keep smiling and people wonder what you've been up to😂
Bon soiree, and up to my ass in alligators, it sums up my day, everything I did went wrong, just one of those days. Made my evening meal, put it down to open the kitchen door, turned round and knocked plate of food on the floor, clean up...order a food delivery.
Chicken so it's a pinot grigio, soon to be opened. K
Chicken so it's a pinot grigio, soon to be opened. K
Hi Sarasa,
Thank you for your kind words. Trying to wade through the various support systems in another language is overwhelming so I'm very happy to leave a breadcrumb trail for others!
My husband has settled more into the Day Centre and that 1 day a week is a sanity-saver. I have asked for a second day but they refused. I don't think it has anything to do with being temporary (we've been in our home here for 15 years!) rather, we're in one of the least populated departments in France and there just isn't the money or personnel to go around. That said, the French government definitely places the emphasis on Home Care and so most of the help available is designed to keep the person in their home for as long as possible; and with a legal requirement for a spouse to to care for their ill partner for as long as they remain together any respite for the carer must be arranged and paid for privately.
So, I'm currently looking into finding him a place in a local dementia unit for a long weekend or so and seeing how that goes. All will depend on an available place and his willingness to try it...so I'm not hopeful!!
I'm so glad you found it helpful. I hope something comes from at least one of my suggestions. It sounds very much as though your friend's GP needs a good prod up the backside! Please don't hesitate to get back to me if you need further help. Good luck!
Hello Tavy,
Excellent advice! It sure is tough living on the border between 2 of the world's best known wine regions - Burgundy and Champagne - but I make every effort to endure! Don't be too envious though, it's raining here as I type and an arctic wind is battering my windows.
This is really interesting @Captain Scarlett What happens if the carer is physically and mentally no longer able to look after their spouse. Does the law allow for that.
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