Hello from France

[Captain Scarlett]

Hello All,
I am the sole and full-time carer for my husband, who has Alzheimer's. We are in our 10th year of living with this illness. We are both English but live in a rural and isolated part of France and until 3 months ago I had been caring for my husband entirely alone. Thankfully, last November my husband was offered 1 day a week at a day centre an hour's drive away. It has been a literal life-saver for me, however I remain utterly exhausted, stressed, lonely and feeling as though my life is slipping through my fingers and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I know this is a forum for those in the UK but I feel I really do need some adult contact in my native language to get me through the most trying days. I hope that is ok with you all. Also, after 10 years experience, it might be that I have some words of advice or comfort to offer those who are new to living with Alzheimer's. Please do ask!

 

[Banjomansmate]

Welcome @Captain Scarlett ! We have contributors from all over the world so France is a near neighbour.

 

[Captain Scarlett]

Thank you so much!

 

[Kevinl]

Hi, my oldest lives in France, works in Switzerland with her little brother, she drives over the border each day to work. Sadly after many years with early onset AZ my wife passed away last October.
K

 

[SeaSwallow]

Welcome from me also @Captain Scarlett Although we cannot help with the practical aspects of caring in France we can certainly listen when you want to rant or to ask any questions.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Captain Scarlett.

I think we have quite a few members who are not based in the UK so you won’t be alone on that front. I’m glad you’ve found the forum and I’m sure you’ll find support and understanding here.

 

[Captain Scarlett]

Hi, my oldest lives in France, works in Switzerland with her little brother, she drives over the border each day to work. Sadly after many years with early onset AZ my wife passed away last October.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Kevinl, hope you are finding some time to recover from your years of care.

 

[Captain Scarlett]

Th

Welcome to the forum @Captain Scarlett.

I think we have quite a few members who are not based in the UK so you won’t be alone on that front. I’m glad you’ve found the forum and I’m sure you’ll find support and understanding here.

Thank you Izzy

 

[Kevinl]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Kevinl, hope you are finding some time to recover from your years of care.

For sale sign is/was up outside the house, but Ive decided to delay for a month while I get some, mainly cosmetic work done.
Question is where next, I might start a thread asking for ideas.
K

 

[GillP]

For sale sign is/was up outside the house, but Ive decided to delay for a month while I get some, mainly cosmetic work done.
Question is where next, I might start a thread asking for ideas.
K

@Kevinl is the cosmetic work on you or the house?

 

[Weasell]

@Kevinl is the cosmetic work on you or the house?

Sod the house!
I recommend
Botox
Fraxel laser ( that‘s The best)
fillers in your nasolabia folds
and micro needling

Maybe spend the leftover money on dulux???

 

[Kevinl]

Be better spending on myself.
But no its a new bay window in upvc, porch glass replacement, front and back doors, inner porch/into house door several other bits outside.
Mr nextdoor also says get the kitchen worktops done, estate agent mentioned that too, gas hob, sink and about 7 metres of worktops to sort out but the cabinets are OK so just the worktops.
Nothing major but kerb and kitchen appeal are big sellers, so Im told.
K

 

[Weasell]

Be better spending on myself.
But no its a new bay window in upvc, porch glass replacement, front and back doors, inner porch/into house door several other bits outside.
Mr nextdoor also says get the kitchen worktops done, estate agent mentioned that too, gas hob, sink and about 7 metres of worktops to sort out but the cabinets are OK so just the worktops.
Nothing major but kerb and kitchen appeal are big sellers, so Im told.
K

Very sensible.
And once everything sorted and the stress reduces, that will take years off you for free!

 

[nitram]

Mr nextdoor also says get the kitchen worktops done, estate agent mentioned that too, gas hob, sink and about 7 metres of worktops to sort out but the cabinets are OK so just the worktops.

How about DIY epoxy?
Not done it but have seen impressive results.

 

[GillP]

Sod the house!
I recommend
Botox
Fraxel laser ( that‘s The best)
fillers in your nasolabia folds
and micro needling

Maybe spend the leftover money on dulux???

Think the dulux sounds less painful! I’m such a wuss , no tweakments here.

 

[Weasell]

Think the dulux sounds less painful! I’m such a wuss , no tweakments here.

Yep!
Quite right!
Especially when you are told numbing cream is for pussies!

But welcome to @Captain Scarlett ! Whatever corner of the planet you find, dementia is the same! People from everywhere are so welcome on this forum, and they make it so much more interesting! Sometimes chat about benefits doesn’t apply? But who cares? The main Problems are the same.

 

[Kevinl]

Nice idea nitram, but its diy and living alone I cant find the time to do all that, hard just get it all done in a day, cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing up, washing clothes and going on some piece of madness with him next door, still finishing matching the keys to 960 lockers we took out of an educational establishment, chuck that lot on a van and sort it out, not enough hours in a day.
K

 

[GillP]

@Captain Scarlett , welcome. As others have said there will be lots of support here. You mention the isolation you are experiencing. It is one of the hardest parts of being a carer so I hope that despite your rural location that you have some good neighbours or access on line maybe to other English speakers. Also 10 years as sole carer is a long time no wonder you are exhausted. Thinking of you both.

 

[jennifer1967]

Nice idea nitram, but its diy and living alone I cant find the time to do all that, hard just get it all done in a day, cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing up, washing clothes and going on some piece of madness with him next door, still finishing matching the keys to 960 lockers we took out of an educational establishment, chuck that lot on a van and sort it out, not enough hours in a day.
K

they say baking bread and coffee making are good smells to sell your home

 

[Tricot]

Hello @Captain Scarlet, I have lived in France for a long time now and so have an idea how isolating it can be deep in the countryside for an expat. But to have coped alone for 10 years with a partner with Alzheimer's must have been incredibly difficult. My heart goes out to you. Thank goodness you finally have some respite. I've been a member of this forum for some time now and have been so impressed by the support carers give each other. You will always find a listening ear here with such a wealth of shared experience.

I hope you have some support locally. Are you in touch with the Assistant Social at the Mairie and Alzheimer's France? You're welcome to send me a personal message if you'd like to. Keep posting and bon courage!