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Health Professional critiscism

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Linbrusco, Nov 3, 2015.

  1. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    1,585
    Female
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    #1 Linbrusco, Nov 3, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2015
    Am so upset.
    Have done all I can in the past 2 yrs trying to keep Mum safe, especially with Dad having cognitive impairment and doesn't have much insight into what Mum is and isn't capable of. Mum is not safe at home alone, and sometimes even at home with Dad her safety is compromised.

    Dad is not coping and says little things to me, like " your mum is getting worse and will need to go into care" or " your Mum is saying terrible things" ... She doesn't hallucinate exactly but see things that are or aren't there.
    Or I go over and he's sitting there with a tear in his eye and shaking his head at Mums latest crisis... But he will not say anything to my sister, GP or health professional.

    Yesterday he had a visit from the memory team nurse.
    His MCI is about the same level, but she spoke to him about caring for Mum.
    Suffice to say he well and truly pulled the wool over her eyes, and that we don't trust him to look after Mum.
    The other week I had to remove Mums medication completely as just the mere sight of her container caused her anxiety. So each morning and night I go over with her tablets, where before I could rely on her taking her morning meds.
    I cannot trust Dad to oversee this, as a few times before he has hidden her meds as a joke, telling her she has taken them. ( he thinks its funny, no wonder I don't trust him!)

    Upshot was that the memory team nurse said she did not see any issues with Dad and Mums safety, and the problem is with me. I need to take a step back and let him look after his wife, because he isn't struggling to look after her, he's struggling with the issue of things not being as they were. ( I don't doubt this last bit)
    That they need to start going out more together, and take up dancing again and all the things they enjoyed.
    Dad cannot manage Mum on his own ( toileting issues) and Mum is wobbly on her feet let alone dancing!?

    I really don't know what planet this lady is on?
    But hey if I don't know my parents best after seeing them week in week out, and in the last 7 years day in day out, since they moved into a house behind ours, then she obviously does.
     
  2. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    1,585
    Female
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    #2 Linbrusco, Nov 3, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2018
    Sounds like a similar experience.
    She even said if Mum & Dad were living in their previous house she was sure they would have got on just fine.
    Umm no they wouldn't because Mum would have been either in care by now or dead.
    Flights of stairs that she had already tripped on, busy streets to cross when she has no traffic sense, overdosing on meds because she has forgotten what day it is, or dad is "joking" telling her the opossite day for a laugh?
    I think she feels I am exaggerating, or being paranoid.
     
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    omg the more i hear the more i give up the will!! Poor you and how horrid to have someone criticise you when you are clearly doing so much for them and keeping them independent.
    I think they should always see the carers too and preferably together for part of the time. Actually i often think they just aren't very well trained. We had some real twits. Just when you really need help along comes a twit - bloomin' useless.

    You both take care, so sorry to hear you are burdened with idiots x
     
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,902
    Female
    Scotland
    Some of these characters take your breath away! A young chap I meet at Alz groups phoned me last night to tell me the result of his Dads assessment. This fellow works full time and is regularly called out of work to collect his wandering father or to pick him up from the police. When he gets home at night he has to start stripping the beds etc because the father is incontinent.

    The SW thinks Dad doesn't need a care home and that the work his son is doing to hold it all together is no different than if they were flat mates!

    Are these SWs entirely sane themselves?
     
  5. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    oh how awful it is seriously unbelievable and we (tax payers) are paying them about 30K a year for their idiocy
     
  6. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    1,585
    Female
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    am already at a low point, with lots of stuff happening, and my DH waiting on his latest brain MRI scan and Oncology checkup. He has been in remission for 10 yrs, but it never gets easier.

    I know none of this is Mums fault, but I feel very indifferent.
    I don't feel like talking, and I can't even be bothered going over to Mum & Dads like I usually do several times a day.
    In fact I feel like ringing up all the various agencies we deal with and telling them to go to hell :D well that would be cutting my nose off to spite my face stuff :rolleyes:
     
  7. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,475
    Radcliffe on Trent
    I bet you do. Maybe if you wrote to them formally and set out all the facts/incidents you are aware of it would help you and also there would be a record. You could send the same letter to their GP. If you do, the key words seem to be to say that you believe your mum is a vulnerable person at risk, that they have a duty of care, and that you will hold them responsible if anything goes wrong because of their lack of support.
     
  8. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    I can only speak as I find. My OH has two visits a year from the memory clinic nurse. She came this week. He always want to speak to her on his own. I offer a coffee let her know this and say I will go into the other room. I can hear all that is being said and we have spoken previous to the visit. He does the cognitive test , this is far worse than I expected. I then go back in to join them He asks about getting his licence back and she says its not within her remit . I gesture so she offers that it is very unlikely which he accepts. I have nothing but praise for ours. She did say her case load was 400 patients. I'd say she has an impossible task and that should be about 120 . No wonder some patients are being failed.
     
  9. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,902
    Female
    Scotland
    I think NHS staff such as your nurse are quite different in remit from social workers. The latter seem to have been instructed to save money at all costs. I too have nothing but praise for our Memory clinic staff. I also found social workers to be civil and in some cases Very helpful but I am not presenting them with demands they cannot meet. I am hearing from others how unreasonable the system is and social workers are on the front line of this.
     
  10. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    1,585
    Female
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    thanks all for the replies.
    Having had 24 hrs to think about it all, will keep our Alzheimers Key Worker on, at least she is sympathetic and listens :)
    I will keep on as I have done, and although I will still have Mums safety first and foremost, there are probably one or two things that I could take a step back from.
    Also need a long overdue family meeting with my siblings, to see what they expect of me. They just rely on me to do what I feel fit, but when push comes to shove I don't want to be accused of not doing my job as Mum & Dads POA for Health & Welfare.
     

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