He wants to lose weight

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,493
0
Nottinghamshire
Virtual hugs from me too @canary. Do you have any friends or church members that could come and chat to your husband and maybe take him out to give you a bit of space?
 

SherwoodSue

Registered User
Jun 18, 2022
763
0
Canary. Thank you so much for the courage you have displayed in posting in detail what is happening. My hope is that getting the words down on the screen will help on some level. I certainly know it will help other members

I am unsure which is worse, to have an abusive partner whose awful behaviours continue into dementia or to have a husband who most certainly is NOT a racist or a misogynist verbalise such thoughts as dementia symptoms. So far removed of the man you know home to be. The shock 😳
(Of course they are both horrid)

As the behaviours and symptoms seem to be shifting and changing I really hope this too passes quickly. 🙏

Do keep posting if you can.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
it must be horrible going through it again. groping being the worse. there always seems a compromise, you get his seizures under relative control then there is another behaviour you have to deal with. thinking of you
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,986
0
Oh dear @canary Delusions and confabulations are so hard to deal with. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are. All I can do is wish you strength to deal with what you are going through and to offer my sympathy.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,690
0
I am sorry to read all this. It really is too much to deal with and your stress levels must be through the roof @canary I hope his behaviour improves quickly, I wish you well and send a virtual hug.
 

Jessie5

Registered User
Jul 17, 2017
240
0
I am so sorry it is really hard, I find my Mum’s confabulations and delusions really hard to deal with. I generally used to go along with the more harmless ones, but she now thinks ‘people’ are trying to kill ‘people’ who are close to her so gets really angry and aggressive.(I’m not really sure who the ‘people’ are they are all in her head. She also wishes she was dead a lot. I just have to walk away, but she’s in a care home so this is easier for me.

Are you able to get any sort of break yourself? Because it all sounds like a lot of be dealing with day and night? Particularly if he’s rejecting the carers?

Also do you feel unsafe with him? My Mum cared for my Dad alone before she got dementia herself and I really worried for her. Please make sure you keep yourself safe.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,235
0
Chester
His epilepsy is definitely better controlled, but he has been getting a whole series of delusions, confabulations and obsessions.
I'm pleased that his epilepsy is better controlled, although very upsetting for you that being more 'with it' means other difficulties arise.

My first thought would be to see if the GP could prescribe some other medication that might help, but from what's gone before this is a pretty useless suggestion, as your GP is not in the least helpful, and has actually caused no end of issues.

I also suspect that given the delicate balance of all the medications being taken that a sensible, helpful GP wouldn't want to change anything anyway.

I'm so sorry that something that was meant to maybe improve your life hasn't and possibly made it worse.

You are one of the most experienced and helpful posters on this site, and I wish I could offer something to help when you help so many others.

Just sending hugs but they aren't much use to you in the moment.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
0
South coast
Thank you for your support everyone
I am still hoping (praying) that it will settle.
What does my head in most is the way everything keeps changing. How can someone go from saying they want assisted suicide to saying they are perfectly OK, can do everything themself and not want carers? 🤷‍♀️
At least I dont get bored!!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
Thank you for your support everyone
I am still hoping (praying) that it will settle.
What does my head in most is the way everything keeps changing. How can someone go from saying they want assisted suicide to saying they are perfectly OK, can do everything themself and not want carers? 🤷‍♀️
At least I dont get bored!!
want something a bit more interesting. ive learnt to side step when hands come out. my pet hate.
 

DawnR

Registered User
Sep 14, 2022
155
0
Northumberland
I’m sorry @canary it sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment, even more than usual.
Are you able to get some respite so you can get a bit of time to rest?
Wishing you well and hoping things improve for you soon x
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
0
South coast
Yes, @DawnR Im definitely planning this, but up till now I didnt think it was fair to get him into respite while the medication was being changed (I found it hard enough to keep track of what he should be taking and had to keep referring to the chart the neurologist had sent) and now they have no vacancies at the moment.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
0
South coast
On Tuesday I got a phone call from our care agency because its time for our annual care review. My first reaction was - Noooo, not now! But it had to go ahead and I was terrified that OH would turn round and say he didnt want carers anymore. The carers have been a godsend to me and I couldnt cope without them. The review was organised for yesterday. Fortunately, I knew the person on the management team as she had previously been one of OHs carers before her promotion, so I doorstopped her in the porch and explained the situation before she came in and OH didnt realise that I had done this.

She asked if there were any problems with any of the carers or if I had any complaints. She then went through his care plan and asked OH if there was anything else that he wanted the carers to do, or anything that they were doing that he didnt want and my heart was in my mouth awaiting his reply. Fortunately, he only seemed to take in the first part of her question and asked if the carers could go out with him for a walk? I was surprised that this obsession had returned, but relieved that he hadnt said anything about not having carers. She said that the carers wouldnt have time during their morning visits, but if we wanted, we could have an additional slot with someone taking him out. She suggested one afternoon a week for a couple of hours and said that the obvious person which occurred to her was a male carer who is already one of his regular carers and OH knows him. This carer is absolutely great and always gets OH laughing. OH was immediately enthusiastic and the more I think about it the better the plan seems. The pair of them will have an absolute blast. I didnt know the care agency would provide this service and I have been trying to find day care that would accept him, because all he does is sit on the sofa reading and I think he needs social stimulation. The assessor said that because this carer was on holiday at the moment she would have to wait till he got back, then have a word with him, check his timetable and get back to us - probably in a couple of weeks. Several people on this thread have already suggested finding someone to take him out and this may be the answer.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,986
0
On Tuesday I got a phone call from our care agency because its time for our annual care review. My first reaction was - Noooo, not now! But it had to go ahead and I was terrified that OH would turn round and say he didnt want carers anymore. The carers have been a godsend to me and I couldnt cope without them. The review was organised for yesterday. Fortunately, I knew the person on the management team as she had previously been one of OHs carers before her promotion, so I doorstopped her in the porch and explained the situation before she came in and OH didnt realise that I had done this.

She asked if there were any problems with any of the carers or if I had any complaints. She then went through his care plan and asked OH if there was anything else that he wanted the carers to do, or anything that they were doing that he didnt want and my heart was in my mouth awaiting his reply. Fortunately, he only seemed to take in the first part of her question and asked if the carers could go out with him for a walk? I was surprised that this obsession had returned, but relieved that he hadnt said anything about not having carers. She said that the carers wouldnt have time during their morning visits, but if we wanted, we could have an additional slot with someone taking him out. She suggested one afternoon a week for a couple of hours and said that the obvious person which occurred to her was a male carer who is already one of his regular carers and OH knows him. This carer is absolutely great and always gets OH laughing. OH was immediately enthusiastic and the more I think about it the better the plan seems. The pair of them will have an absolute blast. I didnt know the care agency would provide this service and I have been trying to find day care that would accept him, because all he does is sit on the sofa reading and I think he needs social stimulation. The assessor said that because this carer was on holiday at the moment she would have to wait till he got back, then have a word with him, check his timetable and get back to us - probably in a couple of weeks. Several people on this thread have already suggested finding someone to take him out and this may be the answer.
That sounds really positive @canary.