He wants to lose weight

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
0
South coast
Further update

OH is now timetabled for this carer to take him out on Thursday afternoons - starting this Thursday. I am somewhat apprehensive as we went for a walk on Sunday and he fell in the middle of the road when we were crossing it (he caught his foot on the rear wheel of his rollator which jolted it and he lost his balance). No damage done, but he really worried a passer-by who turned out to be a doctor.

The delusions continue and he also seems to have taken a big step down so that we hare now having toilet troubles. His catheter means that we dont have urination problems, but he is now forgetting the routine when opening his bowels - not always wiping himself afterwards, not flushing the toilet, or not washing his hands and a couple of times I have found soiled toilet paper in the bath. The carers have also commented about a "mucky bottom". Its not bad at the moment, but I know where this is going.

With everything that has happened in the past 6 months or so I have gradually been going downhill. I havent reached burnout again, but it has been close and I have become frightened to post on here
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
Further update

OH is now timetabled for this carer to take him out on Thursday afternoons - starting this Thursday. I am somewhat apprehensive as we went for a walk on Sunday and he fell in the middle of the road when we were crossing it (he caught his foot on the rear wheel of his rollator which jolted it and he lost his balance). No damage done, but he really worried a passer-by who turned out to be a doctor.

The delusions continue and he also seems to have taken a big step down so that we hare now having toilet troubles. His catheter means that we dont have urination problems, but he is now forgetting the routine when opening his bowels - not always wiping himself afterwards, not flushing the toilet, or not washing his hands and a couple of times I have found soiled toilet paper in the bath. The carers have also commented about a "mucky bottom". Its not bad at the moment, but I know where this is going.

With everything that has happened in the past 6 months or so I have gradually been going downhill. I havent reached burnout again, but it has been close and I have become frightened to post on here
oh @canary sorry to hear the downturn. maybe this is the place to post. just look after yourself and get whatever help you can. you have given so much advice to others, maybe take some support from us even virtually. have you talked to the family? is respite a possibility? thinking of you would a wheelchair be better?
 

maggie6445

Registered User
Dec 29, 2023
1,800
0
Further update

OH is now timetabled for this carer to take him out on Thursday afternoons - starting this Thursday. I am somewhat apprehensive as we went for a walk on Sunday and he fell in the middle of the road when we were crossing it (he caught his foot on the rear wheel of his rollator which jolted it and he lost his balance). No damage done, but he really worried a passer-by who turned out to be a doctor.

The delusions continue and he also seems to have taken a big step down so that we hare now having toilet troubles. His catheter means that we dont have urination problems, but he is now forgetting the routine when opening his bowels - not always wiping himself afterwards, not flushing the toilet, or not washing his hands and a couple of times I have found soiled toilet paper in the bath. The carers have also commented about a "mucky bottom". Its not bad at the moment, but I know where this is going.

With everything that has happened in the past 6 months or so I have gradually been going downhill. I havent reached burnout again, but it has been close and I have become frightened to post on here
@canary , I'm so sorry to read your post. You have been a source of inspiration to me.
My oh became bowel Incontinent five weeks ago and I understand how you must be feeling. It's new to me and the ensuing mess is difficult to deal with.
My oh has diarrhoea which is under investigation but the GP has said it could be dementia related. I hope not as this is fast becoming my " line in the sand" for a care home. I'm waiting for a s.s to get back to me for bed rails to help in getting my oh out of bed and hope they will provide a power pack for his wheelchair too.

Sending hugs as you face this new step in your oh journey. I really do understand Stay strong x
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
0
South coast
Thank you @jennifer1967 and @maggie6445

Could you get a referral to the community OT (are you able to contact them yourself?) maggie? When OH had an OT assessment at home one of the things I was specifically asked about was whether he had problems getting out of bed and there was talk of a bed riser. In fact, his bed is quite high and we dont have a problem, but I thought I would pass this thought onto you - an OT assessment is likely to be quicker than SS!!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
0
South coast
would a wheelchair be better?
Yes, this is part of the problem. The whole point of him going out with the carer (at least, in his mind) is so that he can walk and get exercise. We have a folding wheelchair that can fit in the boot of a car, but OH hates it and needs a fair few love lies to get him to use it. I often tell him its "just in case" and get him to use it as a rollator, but its not very stable used this way as it is designed to be used with weight on the seat. I get round this by pushing down on the armrest, but I dont think it would be acceptable to the carer. I really dont know what to do about this and I am full of apprehension
 

maggie6445

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Dec 29, 2023
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@canary , thanks for that. I did mention OT referral to GP and he said contact social services I did wonder if he just didn't want the bother of referring.. who else might be prepared to refer? Memory clinic arranged the last one but I can't seem to get them to answer the phone!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
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South coast
I did mention OT referral to GP and he said contact social services I did wonder if he just didn't want the bother of referring.. who else might be prepared to refer?
Im afraid I dont know. GP referred OH the first time and he was later referred to the falls clinic who organised the latest one, but when the OT was here she said that I could contact them myself if OH needed a bed riser. Im not sure how the referral system works
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
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Nottinghamshire
So sorry to hear that @canary. I hope the carer visit goes well but I can understand your apprehension . Is it time to start considering a move into care? It is going to take time to organise , and so much better to do it ahead of a crisis, either another downturn for your OH or carer breakdown for you.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
@canary , thanks for that. I did mention OT referral to GP and he said contact social services I did wonder if he just didn't want the bother of referring.. who else might be prepared to refer? Memory clinic arranged the last one but I can't seem to get them to answer the phone!
older people mental health, we had social worker who came with the ot. my husband has a rail that goes under the mattress. not completely just like a rail that you grip to be able to get out of bed easier. he finds it easier to get out of bed
 

maggie6445

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Dec 29, 2023
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older people mental health, we had social worker who came with the ot. my husband has a rail that goes under the mattress. not completely just like a rail that you grip to be able to get out of bed easier. he finds it easier to get out of bed
👍 The mattress rail was what I had in mind. The home he is going to next week while I go the family wedding has them. I wondered if it would help oh. I can't keep pulling him , I'll do my back in he's twice my weight ,I'm petite as they say 🤣
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
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South coast
Is the rollator three or four wheeled?
Its a four wheeled one with a seat so that he can rest.
OH started sitting on the seat when he got tired and demanding that I push him, which is why I got the wheelchair. But the wheelchair isnt stable enough when pushed like a rollator

His mobility is going, but isnt yet at the stage where he needs a wheelchair all the time when going out so neither the rollator, nor the wheelchair is the complete answer and the fall last week has really brought this home to me. Im really beginning to worry about what will happen when he is out with the carer
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
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Kent
I edited my post @canary when I did a search on a rollator and saw that it is four wheeled.

It was loss of mobility which made me decide on residential care . I had a slipped disc years ago and was on traction for a week. It`s taken years of careful movement to prevent a reoccurrence and once Dhiren became unsteady and seemed unable to use a walking frame I had to make the painful decision for residential care.

There is no way I could push a wheelchair. Please be careful too on all counts. If you go down your OH will need emergency care. Have you a contingency plan?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
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Southampton
👍 The mattress rail was what I had in mind. The home he is going to next week while I go the family wedding has them. I wondered if it would help oh. I can't keep pulling him , I'll do my back in he's twice my weight ,I'm petite as they say 🤣
i couldnt get my husband up. he grabs it, pulls himself up then turns to get out of the bed. added bonus, when ive showered him, i put a bath mat on the bed. i use the rail as a grab rail when pulling his shorts etc up
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,698
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Kent
I had a mattress rail when I fell . It`s excellent. The OT can provide one through the NRS

shopping
 

DawnR

Registered User
Sep 14, 2022
155
0
Northumberland
Aah @canary I’m sorry to hear about the problems you’ve having at the moment. It’s horrible when you can feel your mental health going downhill, I’ve been there recently and am still struggling even though my husband has gone into care.

Please speak to your GP if you can, mine has been a great support to me.

Sometimes it’s difficult to post on here I find it easier to pretend it’s not happening. I hope things improve for you soon.

Dawn x
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
0
South coast
is respite a possibility?
Is it time to start considering a move into care?
If you go down your OH will need emergency care. Have you a contingency plan?
It’s horrible when you can feel your mental health going downhill, I’ve been there recently and am still struggling even though my husband has gone into care.
I understand what you are all saying. I know that eventually OH will have to move into a nursing home, but it somehow feels too soon, yet I know that most carers feel like that and by the time it "feels right" it should have happened some time before. I dunno. I suspect that the problem will be that we will need LA help with funding. He is still able to give the impression that he is functioning well and he also has no diagnosis, so no nice little box to tick.

I have a home in mind. Its not fancy and is very basic, but clean and welcoming and they will accept the LA funding. He has been there already for respite and they have already said that they would be happy to take him permanently. This is my contingency plan if things take a sudden turn for the worse. Ive also been trying to get him in for respite, but (again!) they have no beds available