Guilt

[Michaelap2002]

So my mum who has Alzheimers at 58 has just been made permanent at a wonderful care home. Mum now struggles to get her words out and gets emotional when I leave. She says she wants to go home (she still has some capacity so I believe it is her previous home rather than one from her child hood). She wants to be 'normal' and live at home (preferably with me). I just feel so incredibly guilty. I take her out every week and see her 3 times per week. It's is generally down to me visiting her and feel like im compensating as i cant relh on others to go. She got upset when my son (2 years old) gave her a kiss and I just feel guilty. She said she was crying on Saturday as there is nothing to do and she's sat in her room. So when I hear this I compensate I drove to get her to come and watch my son when I take him swimming. This already is a huge task but its the guilt of her just being stuck there and I can see her happy when she is with us. Just needed to vent. I just feel so bad.

 

[vetivert]

So my mum who has Alzheimers at 58 has just been made permanent at a wonderful care home. Mum now struggles to get her words out and gets emotional when I leave. She says she wants to go home (she still has some capacity so I believe it is her previous home rather than one from her child hood). She wants to be 'normal' and live at home (preferably with me). I just feel so incredibly guilty. I take her out every week and see her 3 times per week. It's is generally down to me visiting her and feel like im compensating as i cant relh on others to go. She got upset when my son (2 years old) gave her a kiss and I just feel guilty. She said she was crying on Saturday as there is nothing to do and she's sat in her room. So when I hear this I compensate I drove to get her to come and watch my son when I take him swimming. This already is a huge task but its the guilt of her just being stuck there and I can see her happy when she is with us. Just needed to vent. I just feel so bad.

I wish I had a magic wand. I would take away all of your guilt feelings. I'm so sorry to hear that you feel bad about this. Look at what you've achieved. You've found a good care home, you visit Mum every week and take her out. You're bringing some variety into her week and letting her know she's loved and not forgotten. She's happy when she's with you and her grandson.

I do sympathise. My Mum is in a care home on EOL. I've missed the boat on getting her home. She's way too fragile now, it just wouldn't work. There were good reasons why she couldn't come back before but now it's completely impossible. I don't feel guilty but I do feel insanely angry and frustrated at the whole situation. The home is a good one but Mum hates being there and hates the food. She knows the place is decent but it's not home. I just want to give her a decent cup of tea. That's all.

You're feeling guilty and on top of that you are doing most of the visiting, it seems. It's not easy, is it? I don't have an easy answer on how to deal with the guilt. I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty but it's easy for me to say that, not so easy for you to put those feelings aside. I can only wish you the best. You are doing a great job. Please remember to tell yourself that.

 

[Michaelap2002]

I wish I had a magic wand. I would take away all of your guilt feelings. I'm so sorry to hear that you feel bad about this. Look at what you've achieved. You've found a good care home, you visit Mum every week and take her out. You're bringing some variety into her week and letting her know she's loved and not forgotten. She's happy when she's with you and her grandson.

I do sympathise. My Mum is in a care home on EOL. I've missed the boat on getting her home. She's way too fragile now, it just wouldn't work. There were good reasons why she couldn't come back before but now it's completely impossible. I don't feel guilty but I do feel insanely angry and frustrated at the whole situation. The home is a good one but Mum hates being there and hates the food. She knows the place is decent but it's not home. I just want to give her a decent cup of tea. That's all.

You're feeling guilty and on top of that you are doing most of the visiting, it seems. It's not easy, is it? I don't have an easy answer on how to deal with the guilt. I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty but it's easy for me to say that, not so easy for you to put those feelings aside. I can only wish you the best. You are doing a great job. Please remember to tell yourself that.

 

[Michaelap2002]

Thankyou so much for your reply. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Just needed to vent after seeing her cry it breaks my heart.