Guilt-How do you cope with it?

[janetruth]

Hi Fiona,

I have read all posts to you and they are all correct in thier answer bar, one who said, 'just stop'. If it was just that simple.

Anyway I looked up the word 'guilty' in the dictionary and the definition is 'reasponsible for an offence or misdeed '.
I've always known what the word meant, but after today, I will never feel GUILTY again.

You, like everyone else on this site, is doing eveything they possibly can for their loved ones and the word we should really be looking for, does not exist.

Evey single one of us at some time will feel that we could be doing more, but like others have said, you can not do EVERYTHING.

All the wonderful people who become 'carers' by choice or other reasons, do so because they CARE.

Some people walk away, because they can't handle the situation, eveyone is different and as hard as this is to accept, accept it we must.

It does us good to have a good old MOAN about something we can;t do anything about. Being angry about a situation that could be sorted is a natural feeling, that results in frustration.

Even though I do everything in my power to look after my mum, the very thought of her going into a care home for a week in July, fills me with that awful word GUILT.

So Fiona even though I know the definition of the word and it doesn't apply to CARERS, until we cwn find another word for our feelings, we will ALL use the word GUILT.

Take care, bye for now x

Janetruth

 

[fearful fiona]

Hi Margarita and Janetruth

Thanks for your messages. Margarita - I'm sorry about your experience with your mum but it is good to know other people have the same problem. My mother simply thinks she knows better than the doctor and doesn't heed any advice and if any medication is prescribed for her she just throws it away. We got as far as her being diagnosed with dementia, but she refused to believe this and since then won't see a doctor. She is paranoid about being carted off to see a doctor and even if I take a different route when I'm driving her say to the shops she goes into a panic. She actually gets quite violent and has even lashed out at me. One advantage of loss of short term memory is of course that she forgets this aftewards, but I don't of course...

Janetruth, all your research about the word "guilt" was interesting, I had never got as far as looking it up in the dictionary. Of course we're not "committing an offence" so as you say we shouldn't really use the word. I suppose our feelings are so complex, as you say we will just use the word guilt until something else comes along. I suppose most people can't understand why you feel guilty about just a week's stay in a care home for your Mum. because it doesn't sound much, but I don't think it is really a matter of time, it's just that you - and all of us - feel like we ought to be doing everything - at all times!

Thanks again both of you.

Fiona

 

[Lila13]

There are always enough people around to guilt-trip us, whatever you do for a relation with dementia it is never enough (or it's too much) ...