Guidance and Understanding

[OliverGatos]

Hi all,

This is my first post and hopefully can seek some guidance/comfort from the community.

My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2018 and has been in a nursing home since 2021. Since 2022, he has been double incontinent, unable to say words and 75% blind.

Last week my father contracted sepsis for the second time and shortly after was placed on palliative care. The nursing home said that trying to give him food/drink was going to cause him more pain and has not had any food/drink for 4 days now. At times he has displayed traits of pain and discomfort and the staff have been providing morphine injections to help with this.

I don’t want his suffering to prolong and wish that he passes as peacefully as possible as he has zero quality of life. So my question is, has anyone experienced this, and if so, how long was it before your loved one passed?

Thanks
Ollie

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @OliverGatos and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your father and understand your wish for a peaceful end to his suffering. It is many years since I faced a similar situation with my mother but I remember the mental turmoil and mixed emotions. However long it takes, please know that you can always seek support and understanding here.

 

[canary]

Hello @OliverGatos

Im afraid that when someone dies from dementia the process is as you have described.
When my mum died she went 17 days with no food or fluid whatsoever, but your dad is also being overwhelmed by the infection and I think it very unlikely that he will go that long. The staff will keep him pain free and comfortable. My mum was given morphine injections to start with, but was then placed on a syringe driver and passed away peacefully

Look after yourself during this time and dont forget to eat and drink. It is a very harrowing time and I felt like I was living in a twilight world.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @OliverGatos.

I’m so sorry to read about your father. Wishing you strength and wishing your mum peace.

 

[OliverGatos]

Thanks for your comments and wishes - it’s truly appreciated.

My Father has been unconscious for around 24hrs, therefore the morphine and hyacinth injections have stopped also. My main priority is that he is out of pain and since being unconscious he has not shown any signs of pain or discomfort.

His breathing is shallow then slow, sometimes rattly. It’s day 5 of no liquid or food - it’s baffling how strong he seems, given how unwell he is.

 

[Gosling]

It's just a horrible time for you Ollie @OliverGatos . Try to take some comfort from the fact that your Father is comfortable and pain free. As others have already said, it is truly amazing how long the body can go on without nourishment.
Wishing you strength at this difficult time.

 

[canary]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) Ollie

His breathing is shallow then slow, sometimes rattly

This sounds like Cheyne Stokes breathing
I dont think it will be long now
Stay strong
xx

 

[OliverGatos]

Hi All,

My father passed away peacefully last Friday. He was unconscious for the last 48hrs of his life and as he could not feel pain or discomfort - this gave me and my mother peace.

I want to say thank you for the kind words and guidance you gave me during this traumatic time.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for you loss @OliverGatos.

I’m glad your father was in no pain

Sending my condolences and wishing you and your family strength.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry for your loss, but glad it was peaceful
xxx

 

[Gosling]

So sorry to learn of your Father's passing. My condolences, and wishing you strength over the coming days.

 

[Goldenthyme]

I am so sorry to read about your father @OliverGates. I am dreading what is to come as I am losing my husband. He is now only eating spasmodically, doesn’t speak or acknowledge me and wants to sleep all the time. I think he wants to go and wants to stay at a distance and in control . He told me this when at home and it would be in character with him. Perhaps it is all my imagination to ease the situation for myself, as I am beginning to get upset when I leave him, but I most certainly respect his wishes. He has been in the nursing home for over a year now and at first, although bedbound and non-conversational , I know the staff loved his smile in the morning and his old jokey sense of humour would show itself. I have taken comfort from this over the year. With all good wishes to all going through this difficult time.