Trying to be strong, but failing

ChristineP

New member
Jun 13, 2024
6
0
Hi. Thanks for the opportunity to join the forum. My Mum is 96. I lived with her for 10 years then she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago. The first year was okay. We managed. Then 2 years ago she fell on the road, smashed her head and ended up in hospital with concussion/delirium on top of the dementia. She went in to a care home to recover and hasn't been home since. The first home couldn't cope. Mum fell so many times, nearly died from sepsis, got UTIs, CDiff and Covid. She fought through it all. We moved her to a Nursing home and she's been there 18 months. They've been brilliant. Now Mum is losing the fight to live. She's hardly eaten anything for weeks and is refusing drinks apart from a few sips of tea. The weight has dropped off her. My brother came to see us from Australia. Since he left 10 days ago, Mum has deteriorated rapidly. She is sleeping most of the day and is struggling to speak. I'm sure she waited to see her son and has decided now is the time to go. Yesterday she said 'Thank you for looking after me but you will have to look after yourself now. I won't be here to look after you. A door is going to open and someone will take me to another world'. She's my Mum and my best friend and I am trying to be strong for her but I'm failing. All I can do is hold her close and tell her she is loved. She would hate to see me upset. How do I stop the tears when I'm with her? I'm heartbroken. Thanks for reading this.
 

TessB

Registered User
Nov 14, 2023
145
0
Hi. Thanks for the opportunity to join the forum. My Mum is 96. I lived with her for 10 years then she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago. The first year was okay. We managed. Then 2 years ago she fell on the road, smashed her head and ended up in hospital with concussion/delirium on top of the dementia. She went in to a care home to recover and hasn't been home since. The first home couldn't cope. Mum fell so many times, nearly died from sepsis, got UTIs, CDiff and Covid. She fought through it all. We moved her to a Nursing home and she's been there 18 months. They've been brilliant. Now Mum is losing the fight to live. She's hardly eaten anything for weeks and is refusing drinks apart from a few sips of tea. The weight has dropped off her. My brother came to see us from Australia. Since he left 10 days ago, Mum has deteriorated rapidly. She is sleeping most of the day and is struggling to speak. I'm sure she waited to see her son and has decided now is the time to go. Yesterday she said 'Thank you for looking after me but you will have to look after yourself now. I won't be here to look after you. A door is going to open and someone will take me to another world'. She's my Mum and my best friend and I am trying to be strong for her but I'm failing. All I can do is hold her close and tell her she is loved. She would hate to see me upset. How do I stop the tears when I'm with her? I'm heartbroken. Thanks for reading this.
It's so hard to cope with the emotions. I'm sorry I don't have any tips to stop the tears but wish you strength and sending you hugs.
 

leny connery

Registered User
Nov 13, 2022
504
0
Hi. Thanks for the opportunity to join the forum. My Mum is 96. I lived with her for 10 years then she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago. The first year was okay. We managed. Then 2 years ago she fell on the road, smashed her head and ended up in hospital with concussion/delirium on top of the dementia. She went in to a care home to recover and hasn't been home since. The first home couldn't cope. Mum fell so many times, nearly died from sepsis, got UTIs, CDiff and Covid. She fought through it all. We moved her to a Nursing home and she's been there 18 months. They've been brilliant. Now Mum is losing the fight to live. She's hardly eaten anything for weeks and is refusing drinks apart from a few sips of tea. The weight has dropped off her. My brother came to see us from Australia. Since he left 10 days ago, Mum has deteriorated rapidly. She is sleeping most of the day and is struggling to speak. I'm sure she waited to see her son and has decided now is the time to go. Yesterday she said 'Thank you for looking after me but you will have to look after yourself now. I won't be here to look after you. A door is going to open and someone will take me to another world'. She's my Mum and my best friend and I am trying to be strong for her but I'm failing. All I can do is hold her close and tell her she is loved. She would hate to see me upset. How do I stop the tears when I'm with her? I'm heartbroken. Thanks for reading this.
 

leny connery

Registered User
Nov 13, 2022
504
0
those words she said to you..what a beautiful things to hear. She is so right. she wants you to have your life. Just hold her and love her, if you cannot stop the tears, let it flow. What a fighter and a warior your mum is. Sending you tightest hugs
 

ChristineP

New member
Jun 13, 2024
6
0
It's so hard to cope with the emotions. I'm sorry I don't have any tips to stop the tears but wish you strength and sending you hugs.
Thank you so much for replying. I'll have to remember the good times, smile, and keep the tears for later. Sending hugs back TessB
 

ChristineP

New member
Jun 13, 2024
6
0
those words she said to you..what a beautiful things to hear. She is so right. she wants you to have your life. Just hold her and love her, if you cannot stop the tears, let it flow. What a fighter and a warior your mum is. Sending you tightest hugs
Thank you leny. Mum has always been a loving soul, kind and caring. Amazing that she's still caring for me even at this last stage in her life. Couldn't have wished for a better Mum and friend. Thanks for the hugs. Hugs back, they seem to make everything feel better. Have a good night.
 

ChristineP

New member
Jun 13, 2024
6
0
those words she said to you..what a beautiful things to hear. She is so right. she wants you to have your life. Just hold her and love her, if you cannot stop the tears, let it flow. What a fighter and a warior your mum is. Sending you tightest hugs
My lovely mum died 3 days after joining this forum. Yet another life taken by this dreadful disease. She died while I was holding her. The door opened and she went through it into the next world. I hope she's at peace now. I'm heartbroken. To all of you wonderful, caring people, I wish you well. Stay strong.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,704
0
Surrey
Oh @ChristineP
im so sorry to hear. My mum also died on the 16th. It sounds like you had a close relationship with her like i did mine 🥰🥰
many people stay following bereavement- it is a safe place. Feel free to do so xx
 

ChristineP

New member
Jun 13, 2024
6
0
Oh @ChristineP
im so sorry to hear. My mum also died on the 16th. It sounds like you had a close relationship with her like i did mine 🥰🥰
many people stay following bereavement- it is a safe place. Feel free to do so xx
I am so very sorry about your mum. 16th. Father's Day. Mum and I were best friends. You must be feeling lost, like I am. We spend a great deal of time looking after our loved ones and they leave a huge hole in our lives when they leave us. Sending hugs to you x
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,704
0
Surrey
Thanks Christine. Yes - she leaves a massive hole and I sat there this evening - and thought what do I do? I haven’t been on my own in the evening for almost 3 years 😢😢
 

ChristineP

New member
Jun 13, 2024
6
0
Thanks Christine. Yes - she leaves a massive hole and I sat there this evening - and thought what do I do? I haven’t been on my own in the evening for almost 3 years 😢😢
3 years is a long time. It will seem very strange, the silence will probably be deafening. I'm struggling with not going to the nursing home. For the moment, I can only suggest being kind to yourself, give yourself time to take a deep breath and treat yourself to an early night. That's what I'm going to do. I feel as if I've not slept properly for years!
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
7,024
0
I am sorry to read about the passing of your mum @ChristineP Your love for her shines through your posts.
Wishing you strength for the days ahead.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
75,867
0
73
Dundee
I’m so sorry for your loss @ChristineP.

Wishing you strength for the days and weeks to come. Keeping coming to the forum for the support and understanding you need.
 

Alisongs

Registered User
May 17, 2024
713
0
My lovely mum died 3 days after joining this forum. Yet another life taken by this dreadful disease. She died while I was holding her. The door opened and she went through it into the next world. I hope she's at peace now. I'm heartbroken. To all of you wonderful, caring people, I wish you well. Stay strong.
My mum died a year ago today. I think of her as being in spirit in her home town, doing all the things she loved, wandering in the forest and swimming in the lake. It's what she wanted. Heaven is what you make it. Hugs
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
412
0
Hi. Thanks for the opportunity to join the forum. My Mum is 96. I lived with her for 10 years then she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago. The first year was okay. We managed. Then 2 years ago she fell on the road, smashed her head and ended up in hospital with concussion/delirium on top of the dementia. She went in to a care home to recover and hasn't been home since. The first home couldn't cope. Mum fell so many times, nearly died from sepsis, got UTIs, CDiff and Covid. She fought through it all. We moved her to a Nursing home and she's been there 18 months. They've been brilliant. Now Mum is losing the fight to live. She's hardly eaten anything for weeks and is refusing drinks apart from a few sips of tea. The weight has dropped off her. My brother came to see us from Australia. Since he left 10 days ago, Mum has deteriorated rapidly. She is sleeping most of the day and is struggling to speak. I'm sure she waited to see her son and has decided now is the time to go. Yesterday she said 'Thank you for looking after me but you will have to look after yourself now. I won't be here to look after you. A door is going to open and someone will take me to another world'. She's my Mum and my best friend and I am trying to be strong for her but I'm failing. All I can do is hold her close and tell her she is loved. She would hate to see me upset. How do I stop the tears when I'm with her? I'm heartbroken. Thanks for reading this.
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
412
0
Hello ChristineP: I read your thread and had to reply. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. I just want to say I lost my mum nearly 2 years ago & I was the same as you. She ended up in a care home and I wasn't handling it at all. She was diagnosed with dementia 2 years before she died. I never accepted her being in there. I thought she should be back at home with me. But each time I visited her, my crying would come after I had seen her. I would bawl my eyes out and the carers were great from the CH. But my mum wouldn't have understood at times whether I was crying or not. Why not try and listen to some sad songs before you visit your mum. That may get the crying and emotions out before. Maybe speaking to someone even the carers at the home, I found reassuring. Hope this helps.
 

Sylvie-124

New member
Jul 2, 2024
3
0
Hi. Thanks for the opportunity to join the forum. My Mum is 96. I lived with her for 10 years then she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago. The first year was okay. We managed. Then 2 years ago she fell on the road, smashed her head and ended up in hospital with concussion/delirium on top of the dementia. She went in to a care home to recover and hasn't been home since. The first home couldn't cope. Mum fell so many times, nearly died from sepsis, got UTIs, CDiff and Covid. She fought through it all. We moved her to a Nursing home and she's been there 18 months. They've been brilliant. Now Mum is losing the fight to live. She's hardly eaten anything for weeks and is refusing drinks apart from a few sips of tea. The weight has dropped off her. My brother came to see us from Australia. Since he left 10 days ago, Mum has deteriorated rapidly. She is sleeping most of the day and is struggling to speak. I'm sure she waited to see her son and has decided now is the time to go. Yesterday she said 'Thank you for looking after me but you will have to look after yourself now. I won't be here to look after you. A door is going to open and someone will take me to another world'. She's my Mum and my best friend and I am trying to be strong for her but I'm failing. All I can do is hold her close and tell her she is loved. She would hate to see me upset. How do I stop the tears when I'm with her? I'm heartbroken. Thanks for reading this.
I am so sorry to hear that. My mother has dementia and it’s awful. It’s just normal human and very true of you to feel this way. I try to to tell myself at times that with time it will get better. You will heal. Because you have your life and mother would want you to live it. Be hopeful that one day, you will never forget her, but one day you will be able to more good than bad days. Your mum brought you in this life to live and I am sure that there is lots of people who depend on you and you yourself deserve that. That’s what I tell myself anyway :) all best thoughts to you and your family, Sylvie