Goodbye my love .... John died today

[Rathbone]

I have completed the eulogy. I have altered it, fine tuned it, even written a page with huge cue words, and read it a zillion times. I am absolutely fine reading it till I get to the last paragraph and then I start crying and I cannot fight my way through the final words, without my voice breaking.

Is this OK do you think? I want to say it because I think it finishes it off, but every single time I cry. But I can get through to the last word, even though I'm crying. Should I think of something else to say? Basically, I'm saying about the front door bell ringing, me knowing John had died, and then the phone call from the Home. Then I say ........

Every Christmas, John and I loved to watch It's A Wonderful Life, sometimes we'd record it and watch it several times. And at the end, we'd turn to each other and, crying, say "Wasn't that good"! And of course everybody knows the most famous line that every time a bell rings, it means an angel's got its wings.

John, you were a wonderful and loyal friend, husband, Dad and Grandpa, and for nearly 50 years, my angel, you gave me a Wonderful Life. Thank you for loving me, darling, God Bless You, and may your dear sweet soul Rest in Peace.

I can't actually type it without crying.

Oh Scarlett, can't see to type through the tears! You are one special Lady, made more special by your wonderful marriage. What lovely things to say - you'll find the strength, have no fear because John will be right by your side. X Shelagh

 

[Tears Falling]

I too think it's a lovely way to complete the reading. It's personal to your relationship and encaptures one if the things you and John liked to do. It has such relevant meaning with the door bell ringing. You will get through the words and if the tears are flowing no one will notice.

 

[truth24]

Dear Scarlett. Agree with the other TPers. It's beautiful and deeply moving and will have everyone in tears. Grieve, my lovely, you are entitled to. The time for bravery has passed for the moment, and that goes for Lyn too. With love. Verityxx

Sent from my GT-N5110

 

[lizzybean]

Scarlett, it matters not if you can't get thru it without crying as long as you say what you want that is the main thing. You maybe surprised on the day as you may have an inner resolve/steel. What I would say is if you haven't read it out loud (to yourself) I would try that (it is surprising how little phrases can trip you up out loud that are fine when you are saying it your head) then after that stop going over & over it because you are kind of re-inforcing the point at which you will break down. That doesn't mean you won't but you can over work these things.

Take care.

 

[Saffie]

If a neighbour died, everyone drew their front room curtains.

They still do in our close.

Scarlett, I can't believe you are reading the eulogy to John. That is so very brave of you.
I wrote an account of Dave's life and his old headmaster added some things and he gave the eulogy as he had asked if he could do it.
If he hadn't, the curate was going to give it.
I doubt I'd have managed it and my daughter only just managed to read her poem.
How wonderful for you to speak yourself. I am full of admiration - and awe. love xxx

 

[2jays]

Huge hugs

It's beautiful




Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Dazmum]

Really beautiful Scarlett, it makes me fill up just reading it. I'm not surprised you find it hard to read and I think that you are really brave. Could your son or the person conducting the funeral stand with you while you read if it becomes too much for you? Just a thought xxx

 

[Scarlett123]

Really beautiful Scarlett, it makes me fill up just reading it. I'm not surprised you find it hard to read and I think that you are really brave. Could your son or the person conducting the funeral stand with you while you read if it becomes too much for you? Just a thought xxx

Neither my son or daughter can say "Dad" without crying, and have both said it would be impossible for them to speak. The Funeral Celebrant is coming tomorrow, and when he phoned he said "we can discuss what you'd like". I thought I'd wait till he's sitting opposite me to actually tell him it's all done, finito.

I am going to ask him to do the welcome and introduction and explain why I am doing this. Then, it's all typed out in big font, double spacing, so I will also discuss that if I can't do it - and I've seen several people over the years who've been unable to speak - that I will pass it to him to complete.

But as I've said, if I can do the bulk of it, and have to pause and take a breath, I'm unlikely to be booed! The paragraph that I posted is the end, so I must get through it, but even if I can't say it clearly, it doesn't matter. In the absence of applause, I can only judge its success by the volume of nose-blowing that follows it!!

If my son or daughter, or both, stood next to me, I'd be more worried about having to comfort them, and me having to stop to do so. This has to be a solo performance, and as I've only got one shot at it, I have to succeed.

I have said it to myself, in my head, I have said it aloud to the lounge, I have said it to Billy, but the best way is to say it aloud to your reflection. This was how I taught John to pass his interviews for promotion, and also for his Father of the Bride speech.

As I drummed into my students, down the decades "Failure to prepare, is to prepare for failure".

 

[Saffie]

I hope you manage to say it all Scarlett. It is indeed a beautiful tribute. x

 

[LYN T]

Scarlett, for what it's worth I'm going to say a few words also. I'm not holding out any hope that I will be able to do it without tears-but I will try.

I can imagine John and Pete looking down on us and comparing notes. Pete would be saying 'chin up baby. They won't hear you at the back.'

Love as always

Lyn T XX

 

[cragmaid]

I can't help with "Emily and her wooden flowers" but I have seen flowers like that before in posh home designer shops.

Why I read my sister's own words and gave my eulogy at her funeral some 18 years ago ( nearly) I too had bold printed, double spaced everything so that I ( or whoever) could read the words easily. I had been warned by the lady Vicar that in order to get through a difficult service, she used certain tricks:
1) Use lots of strong set hair spray....to help you keep your head up.
2) Use lots and lots of waterproof mascara.....you won't want to have it running down your face.
3) Start with a smile......then pick out a place at the back of the room and talk to that.
4) Try not to make eye contact with anyone until you have finished......unless you can guarantee they will not be in tears!!!!!!

I love what you've written....x.x.

 

[Scarlett123]

Scarlett, for what it's worth I'm going to say a few words also. I'm not holding out any hope that I will be able to do it without tears-but I will try.

I can imagine John and Pete looking down on us and comparing notes. Pete would be saying 'chin up baby. They won't hear you at the back.'

Love as always

Lyn T XX

I'm positive they're watching all this. Probably having a good ol' belly laugh too. John will be swearing about him being described as my wife.

Anyway, here's my update on the M & S C*ckup. They have refunded everything. I have 2 coats, 4 dresses, 4 slips, umpteen pairs of knickers, and a partridge in a pear tree, and it has all been refunded onto my credit card.

They have also sent a very crawling email saying that they are sorry they have COURSED me distress. Coursed? Caused, surely. Jeez what a way to operate a company. May their heads collectively hang in shame.

Remember I sent the 6 Conscience Christmas Cards? I received 5 replies. So then my daughter phoned, telling 4 that John had passed, and I texted the 5th. Of the 4, one couple are on holiday, one has a hospital appointment, but the other 2 couples, old friends for over 40 years who vaporised, are coming.

The 5th responded to my text saying "sorry to hear the news". The follow up text, giving the details of the funeral, sent on Monday afternoon, hasn't been replied to. So then this afternoon, I phoned the 6th.

Her husband answered, so I said "I'm sorry to trouble you but am I speaking to Joe ***" He said "yes, hallo Scarlett". So I asked if he was still living at 123 Blah blah Road, and he said he was. So then I asked if he had received my Christmas Card about John.

He said "yes we did and we were planning to write in the New Year". Pardon? Planning to write? Why not send me a bleedin' card back and put on it that they'll catch up in the New Year? So I said "well I've saved you the price of a stamp Joe, because John died on 23rd December".

Absolute silence. I could hear his wife in the background asking "what? what?" and he told her, and then launched into how sorry he was, and when was the funeral, and he'd check the calendar. At this point I thought he'd invent Something Urgent, but no, they are coming. It will take them 3 hours each way.

He then started reminiscing about the happy times we'd shared and what a great bloke John was, and I bit my lip, hard, remember I'm used to biting it with SS and the NHS, and he's sorry we'll be meeting in sad circumstances, but of course, they'll come and pay their respects.

And I bet I won't get a Christmas Card from them next year either.

 

[LYN T]

Why are people so insensitive? I really hope that I wouldn't be so cruel-even unintentionally.

I must tell you Scarlett-yesterday when I walked the dogs it was a very cold, crisp evening. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. I looked up and I saw a shooting star heading for another star. They were the two brightest stars in the sky. Then the shooting star stopped at the other brightest star-it didn't disappear like other shooters. It just stopped. I swear that is true.Pete and John meeting for a chinwag maybe?

Sorry if this sounds fanciful

I'm really missing Pete as I'm sure you are missing John

Love as always

Lyn T XX

 

[Scarlett123]

Why are people so insensitive? I really hope that I wouldn't be so cruel-even unintentionally.

I must tell you Scarlett-yesterday when I walked the dogs it was a very cold, crisp evening. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. I looked up and I saw a shooting star heading for another star. They were the two brightest stars in the sky. Then the shooting star stopped at the other brightest star-it didn't disappear like other shooters. It just stopped. I swear that is true.Pete and John meeting for a chinwag maybe?

Sorry if this sounds fanciful

I'm really missing Pete as I'm sure you are missing John

Love as always

Lyn T XX

Fanciful? Of course not! Lyn, my arms ache for his. I yearn for him to give me a bear hug, to have a "normal" conversation, or even to ask "is it Thursday?" for the umpteenth time. Tears are present all the time now.

As I was replacing some of the photos I'd scanned for the Tribute, something dropped on my foot. I was holding the photo album on my lap, and looked down to find a small silver horseshoe. This is the only one I still have from my wedding cake. The page it was on has a see-through adhesive sheet, and I had secured the sides with selotape, just to make sure.

How did it get out? Was this another message from John? Then as I wiped the tears away, I realised the first one was still there. I know I only had one, so where did this one come from? Oh boy, it doesn't get easier does it.

How are you getting on with your "who is coming" matters? I'm still waiting to hear from about a dozen, if I count couples individually. I wouldn't mind if they had responded along the lines of "I'm not sure if I can get the time off work, but will let you know", or "we are sorry we are unable to come, but you will be in our thoughts", but not to respond at all, is so insensitive, crass and downright rude.

I have decided that on Saturday, I will text these people along the lines of "I am so sorry, but unfortunately it appears that some of you haven't received the text I thought I'd sent, giving the funeral arrangements, and that's why I haven't heard from you. Please forgive me, and here are the details. Blah blah blah. I know it's my fault, but if you could let me know if you are coming to both the service and refreshments, or just the service, or neither, it would enable me to finalise arrangements. I know you'll all understand how distraught I am, especially as I'm sure you too have such happy memories of John - a kind, unselfish and lovely man. Thanks, and sorry again".

And if they don't reply to that, I shan't even p*ss on them if they're on fire.

 

[cragmaid]

"I am so sorry, but unfortunately it appears that some of you haven't received the text I thought I'd sent, giving the funeral arrangements, and that's why I haven't heard from you. Please forgive me, and here are the details. Blah blah blah. I know it's my fault, but if you could let me know if you are coming to both the service and refreshments, or just the service, or neither, it would enable me to finalise arrangements. I know you'll all understand how distraught I am, especially as I'm sure you too have such happy memories of John - a kind, unselfish and lovely man. Thanks, and sorry again".

Much too polite.

I thought I'd sent

......I sent.

Please forgive me, and here are the details.

....Here are the details again.

I know it's my fault, but if you could let me know if you are coming to both the service and refreshments, or just the service, or neither, it would enable me to finalise arrangements.

......In order that we can finalise the arrangements, I would be grateful if you would confirm today whether you are attending the funeral and refreshments afterwards or just the funeral. I'm sure that you will understand that, despite my grief, I want to make the day as special as I can in John's memory

I know you'll all understand how distraught I am, especially as I'm sure you too have such happy memories of John - a kind, unselfish and lovely man. Thanks, and sorry again"

I 'm sure you can understand how difficult I am finding this, I have lost the love of my life, my soulmate. You will have your own memories of my kind, unselfish lovely man. Please get back to me as soon as possible, bearing in mind that catering arrangements must be confirmed by Sunday tea time.

 

[Izzy]

I like Maureen's version.

 

[LadyA]

Me too!

 

[truth24]

And me. THEY are the ones needing forgiveness, not you. Be brave my friend and say it as it is. Scarlett - what are you going to do with all your new clothes, particularly if they are duplicates? I suppose it was good of them to refund you but am a bit surprised at the service you have had. Hope you both get your numbers sorted. Thinking of you. Love. Verityxx

Sent from my GT-N5110

 

[Scarlett123]

I like Maureen's version.

So do I.

 

[Scarlett123]

In fact, I liked it so much, that I've sent it to the first Rude Pig, sorry, I mean person who never received it the first time round. adding "as you've been in the same boat". And I said I needed to finalise by Friday. Because, of course, when her husband died, we ran her round like a blue ar*e fly and as she chose not to have a car, I gave her lifts everywhere for 3 years, till she moved.

I'm positive she won't come, so if she replies and says that, I shall put:

I'm not at all surprised, Diane. No doubt you've found another Scarlett and John

and if she doesn't even reply, then on Saturday, I shall put:


I'm not at all surprised, Diane, not to hear from you. No doubt you've found another Scarlett and John

Suggestions please, Maureen and all.