"gone home" at last

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
Just to let you know that my dad died about 1am on Sunday morning. Thank you all so much for your support over the last months, and especially with the stuff last week about having to decide whether he go into hospital or not.

Dad's GP called me at work on Friday lunch time and said he was very poorly and did i want him to arrange for dad to be admitted to hospital. If I hadn't had the discussions with people here that would have totally thrown me. As it was, I managed to ask some questions and be clear in my mind that staying at the nursing home was the better option.

Being at the nursing home proved definately to be the right thing. They've always been kind ( not perfect all of the time ...... but pretty much OK most of the time), but the staff there really excelled themselves in taking care of dad and of me. I cancelled everything at work as soon as GP phoned me, and went to nursing home and just stayed there. We had the privacy of dad's own room with his own stuff around, and the care of people who knew both of us and clearly cared for dad. We had to have "out of hours" GPs out about 4 times for various things, but they were there within half an hour of calling each time. I've seen it take longer to get a doctor in a hosptial. I played him some of the music that he likes and used aromatherapy oils to relax and calm and brought him a little ornament that meant something to him and had a connection with my mother. I've no idea whether he knew it was there, but i put it on the bed beside him.

I think he knew I was there. He never opened his eyes since last Sunday when he started with the chest in fection. BUt I held his hand and I'm fairly sure that when I squeezed it, he squeezed back a little. A few minutes before he died he opened his eyes ...... who knows really what was happening, but I'm chosing to take it to mean that he knew I was there and could see me and was saying goodbye.

I'm terribly sad that I've lost him. It's not been a straightforward or easy relationship with him ........ but since he's been ill and needed my help we've got close and I've come to love him very much. It's a relief that the nightmare is over ... for him at least. Now everything is focused on sorting out funeral. It's strange but even though I knew he was about to die, I was so focused on making sure I was there with him, and making everything as good as it could be for him .... i never thought as far as the funeral.

Thank you all for your support over last months. It's been hugely important to me. I'm not ready to disappear from TP just yet.

love and hugs to you all

Áine
 

kazlou

Registered User
Feb 3, 2006
75
Surrey
I am so sorry to hear your news ainee,
But so glad you were able spend those last moments with him.
I saw my Dad the afternoon before he died and those moments when he pointed to the luminous stars we had in his NH room, this was his way of trying to tell me he was going, I didn't realise it at the time, but I too played some of his soothing favourite music and massaged him with oils, I knew he loved this and it comforted him.
I'm positive your Dad drew great comfort from you being there with him and that he has found peace.
Much love
Kaz.
 

Helena

Registered User
May 24, 2006
715
Sorry to hear your news Aine

However as you say "gone home at last "

At least he did not suffer for long

I can but wish the same speed for my Mother whom i am sure has Lewy Body
anything else will be a total nightmare
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
63
Sheffield
Áine,what you have written is beautiful.....I feel sure your dad knew you were there with him at the end....he's at peace now....all suffering gone.
Take care
Love
Wendy
x
 

alex

Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
1,665
Hi Aine

Sorry for your loss and your pain....................you made the right decision. You can draw comfort from the fact that he did not suffer as much as he could have done if things had been prolonged.
Stay strong honey........we are here when you need us.

Love Alex x
 

maggier

Registered User
Jan 9, 2006
78
62
manchester
Truly sorry to hear your very sad news. My love and thoughts are with you. Your dad is at peace now and you can look back and know you were there for him at all times.

Love and hugs

Maggie x
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
dear Áine

im so sorry about your sad news its been a pleasure to get to know your dad through you over the last few months, im glad his passing was peacefull and you could be there at the end.
take care of yourself now may you find the strength to get you through the next few days.
thinking of you xx
 

rummy

Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
700
Oklahoma,USA
Dear Aine,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your experience with your Dad's passing. I know you are in pain but that you are also comforted by knowing he is no longer a prisoner of this disease. Please know sharing your story has given me strength for what will eventually happen with my Mom, I hope and pray I can handle it with as my grace and strength as you have.
Take care,
Debbie
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
Gone home at last

I'm sorry to hear of your Dad's passing but at least he died in a peaceful way in familiar surroundings. It was good that you could be with him at the end.
We spoke to the Undertakers and arranged for them to play some special music at the beginning and end of my MIL's funeral. They were very helpful and tried to fit in with the family's wishes. I hope the arrangements go smoothly for you.
Kayla
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
66
West Sussex
Hello Aine

Just want to add my sincere sorrow at the loss of your Dad, I am so pleased you were there for him when he needed you most, at last he can be at peace.

Take good care of yourself and I hope the funeral is all you wish it to be,

Kathleen
x
 

eevie12

Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
5
Somerset
Aine

So sorry to hear of your news.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time, but as you said he is now at peace and no longer suffering.

Take Crae
Love eevie
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Aine, so sorry to hear your news, but how wonderful that you were able to be there, share last moments, love and affection and now know that your dad is at peace.
My thoughts are with you.
Tina
 

tedsmum

Registered User
Jun 28, 2006
34
Dear Aine
So sorry for your loss we all can imagine the pain you're going through and hope we can all deal with the inevitable as bravely as you have done.
Take care
Love
Christine
x
 

Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
790
Buckinghamshire
Sincere Condolences!

So sorry to read of your loss, and hope you find comfort in the knowledge that your Dad's suffering is over, and that you were able to be with him at the end.