1. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Just to let you know that my dad died about 1am on Sunday morning. Thank you all so much for your support over the last months, and especially with the stuff last week about having to decide whether he go into hospital or not.

    Dad's GP called me at work on Friday lunch time and said he was very poorly and did i want him to arrange for dad to be admitted to hospital. If I hadn't had the discussions with people here that would have totally thrown me. As it was, I managed to ask some questions and be clear in my mind that staying at the nursing home was the better option.

    Being at the nursing home proved definately to be the right thing. They've always been kind ( not perfect all of the time ...... but pretty much OK most of the time), but the staff there really excelled themselves in taking care of dad and of me. I cancelled everything at work as soon as GP phoned me, and went to nursing home and just stayed there. We had the privacy of dad's own room with his own stuff around, and the care of people who knew both of us and clearly cared for dad. We had to have "out of hours" GPs out about 4 times for various things, but they were there within half an hour of calling each time. I've seen it take longer to get a doctor in a hosptial. I played him some of the music that he likes and used aromatherapy oils to relax and calm and brought him a little ornament that meant something to him and had a connection with my mother. I've no idea whether he knew it was there, but i put it on the bed beside him.

    I think he knew I was there. He never opened his eyes since last Sunday when he started with the chest in fection. BUt I held his hand and I'm fairly sure that when I squeezed it, he squeezed back a little. A few minutes before he died he opened his eyes ...... who knows really what was happening, but I'm chosing to take it to mean that he knew I was there and could see me and was saying goodbye.

    I'm terribly sad that I've lost him. It's not been a straightforward or easy relationship with him ........ but since he's been ill and needed my help we've got close and I've come to love him very much. It's a relief that the nightmare is over ... for him at least. Now everything is focused on sorting out funeral. It's strange but even though I knew he was about to die, I was so focused on making sure I was there with him, and making everything as good as it could be for him .... i never thought as far as the funeral.

    Thank you all for your support over last months. It's been hugely important to me. I'm not ready to disappear from TP just yet.

    love and hugs to you all

  2. kazlou

    kazlou Registered User

    Feb 3, 2006
    I am so sorry to hear your news ainee,
    But so glad you were able spend those last moments with him.
    I saw my Dad the afternoon before he died and those moments when he pointed to the luminous stars we had in his NH room, this was his way of trying to tell me he was going, I didn't realise it at the time, but I too played some of his soothing favourite music and massaged him with oils, I knew he loved this and it comforted him.
    I'm positive your Dad drew great comfort from you being there with him and that he has found peace.
    Much love
  3. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    Sorry to hear your news Aine

    However as you say "gone home at last "

    At least he did not suffer for long

    I can but wish the same speed for my Mother whom i am sure has Lewy Body
    anything else will be a total nightmare
  4. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Áine,what you have written is beautiful.....I feel sure your dad knew you were there with him at the end....he's at peace now....all suffering gone.
    Take care
  5. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I'm so very sorry Aine. Take care of yourself and I hope making the arrangements is as OK as it can be.
  6. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    Hi Aine

    Sorry for your loss and your pain....................you made the right decision. You can draw comfort from the fact that he did not suffer as much as he could have done if things had been prolonged.
    Stay strong honey........we are here when you need us.

    Love Alex x
  7. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I'm sorry about your father. Glad you were able to be with him.

  8. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    A big hug to you.

  9. maggier

    maggier Registered User

    Jan 9, 2006
    Truly sorry to hear your very sad news. My love and thoughts are with you. Your dad is at peace now and you can look back and know you were there for him at all times.

    Love and hugs

    Maggie x
  10. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    dear Áine

    im so sorry about your sad news its been a pleasure to get to know your dad through you over the last few months, im glad his passing was peacefull and you could be there at the end.
    take care of yourself now may you find the strength to get you through the next few days.
    thinking of you xx
  11. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    Dear Aine,
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    Thank you for sharing your experience with your Dad's passing. I know you are in pain but that you are also comforted by knowing he is no longer a prisoner of this disease. Please know sharing your story has given me strength for what will eventually happen with my Mom, I hope and pray I can handle it with as my grace and strength as you have.
    Take care,
  12. taylorcat

    taylorcat Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    Sorry to hear your sad news, Aine, and thinking of you at this time.
  13. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    Gone home at last

    I'm sorry to hear of your Dad's passing but at least he died in a peaceful way in familiar surroundings. It was good that you could be with him at the end.
    We spoke to the Undertakers and arranged for them to play some special music at the beginning and end of my MIL's funeral. They were very helpful and tried to fit in with the family's wishes. I hope the arrangements go smoothly for you.
  14. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Aine

    Just want to add my sincere sorrow at the loss of your Dad, I am so pleased you were there for him when he needed you most, at last he can be at peace.

    Take good care of yourself and I hope the funeral is all you wish it to be,

  15. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    Cambridgeshire UK

    Just to say I'm thinking of you and sending you a big hug too.

    Love Sue
  16. eevie12

    eevie12 Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006

    So sorry to hear of your news.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time, but as you said he is now at peace and no longer suffering.

    Take Crae
    Love eevie
  17. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    Aine, so sorry to hear your news, but how wonderful that you were able to be there, share last moments, love and affection and now know that your dad is at peace.
    My thoughts are with you.
  18. tedsmum

    tedsmum Registered User

    Jun 28, 2006
    Dear Aine
    So sorry for your loss we all can imagine the pain you're going through and hope we can all deal with the inevitable as bravely as you have done.
    Take care
  19. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    Sincere Condolences!

    So sorry to read of your loss, and hope you find comfort in the knowledge that your Dad's suffering is over, and that you were able to be with him at the end.
  20. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    thinking of you.

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