Dear noisette,
I see that you have been a member of TP for fifteen months, that this is your first ever post and that in your Profile you tell us only that you are "a carer". For a parent? For a husband? And for how long?
Many of us at TP have shared a lifetime, fifty years or more, with the person we cared for and the final (and inevitable) loss of them to dementia more than obliterates any "upside" of freedom from caring.
Although one has done a great deal of grieving during the relentless course of the illness, when death finally comes, it becomes a different kind of grieving.
You are not so much hearing here the "negative reactions to ceasing to be a carer", more the perfectly natural reactions to the death of someone very much loved.
The freedom you speak of is not sought at this stage. It can, of course, be taken advantage of later. It may take over a year before one even begins to WANT to take advantage of it.
Your post may have somewhat "taken the breath away" of some, perhaps admittedly older, members of TP. We all have to learn, on our own, the best way of dealing with death. When your time comes to deal with it, your posts may sound a little different to your first one.
I do hope that you are getting help with caring and getting regular breaks. Both can be arranged if you need them.
With love,
Nan
I see that you have been a member of TP for fifteen months, that this is your first ever post and that in your Profile you tell us only that you are "a carer". For a parent? For a husband? And for how long?
Many of us at TP have shared a lifetime, fifty years or more, with the person we cared for and the final (and inevitable) loss of them to dementia more than obliterates any "upside" of freedom from caring.
Although one has done a great deal of grieving during the relentless course of the illness, when death finally comes, it becomes a different kind of grieving.
You are not so much hearing here the "negative reactions to ceasing to be a carer", more the perfectly natural reactions to the death of someone very much loved.
The freedom you speak of is not sought at this stage. It can, of course, be taken advantage of later. It may take over a year before one even begins to WANT to take advantage of it.
Your post may have somewhat "taken the breath away" of some, perhaps admittedly older, members of TP. We all have to learn, on our own, the best way of dealing with death. When your time comes to deal with it, your posts may sound a little different to your first one.
I do hope that you are getting help with caring and getting regular breaks. Both can be arranged if you need them.
With love,
Nan