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Finding soiled underwear hidden

JigJog

Registered User
Nov 6, 2013
236
Hi,

I'm sure there are many of you that have been in the situation that I'm finding myself in at the moment, and I'd really be grateful for any help or advice you could give me.

My husband is suffering from Alzheimer's and was diagnosed a year ago at the age of 62,

Just recently, I have become aware of his underpants looking a little soiled when I come to put them in the wash. I've assumed that he is not wiping himself properly but as he showers every day, I've just let this ride for a little while.

Over the last few of days the problem has got much worse and I am finding pants soiled with leaky poo hidden in various places. His jeans have also been soiled. I can't ignore this any more but really don't know how to approach this matter with him.

It's a tricky one, so personal and embarrassing for him. I want to be respectful and sensitive but don't really know how to raise the subject for the first time.

He's still fit and active and will not want to discuss this at all. Has anyone got any ideas how to just get over this tricky stage. I suspect that he will have to begin wearing pads but it's just raising the matter in the first place that I'm dreading.

Any thoughts?

Many thanks,
JJx
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
I am responding because no one else has, I also have some experience of mum with this sort of problem. She seemed to become incontinent of poo before the other type, which was a surprise but that's how it was. I bought her loads of knickers very cheap from Pri*ark which could be binned without it breaking the bank, and we managed that way for a little while, but she quickly went on to pull up incontinence pants which she has been in now for several years. if I can be blunt poo just seemed to confuse her completely and we found it in unlikely places for a while but this settled well when she had the special pants.

However, it may be worth getting your husband to the GP for a feel of his tummy because leaking is sometimes a sign of faecal impaction, and that is easily sorted out with laxido or some such.
In mum's case this wasn't the issue, it was just confusion and as you say the inability to wipe. The pull ups were accepted easily but others might have better suggestions.
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Just posting to say I am experiencing something similar with my elderly mother ( which is totally different from you with your relatively young husband, I know).

Mum has taken to hiding poo as well and we are just at the stage of getting the DN in and I hope, getting some incontinence pants. Although, mum may not agree to this....

It's such a difficult problem - you have my every sympathy.

Sorry not to be of more help - I am sure others may have some ideas for you.

All the best

Lindy xx
 

AlsoConfused

Registered User
Sep 17, 2010
1,953
I always emphasised the positive with Mum - eg saying approvingly but matter of factly "isn't it great there are pants now to help people stay clean and comfortable; we'll try them out now".

On those occasions (many!) when the positive approach didn't work, I'm afraid I was pretty blunt "you need to wear these to stay nice and clean".

I also tried making sure the only pants that were available for use were the special pants. That helped because Mum couldn't "compare and contrast" the normal pants she used to wear with the special pants she was now encouraged to wear.

We used the special pants as a transition, to help Mum accept pads. Maybe that approach would work with your husband?
 

JigJog

Registered User
Nov 6, 2013
236
Thank you all so much for your help and advice here.

Sistermillicent, thanks for making me aware of faecal impaction. I just hadn't been aware of that. We're at the doctors tomorrow so I will raise it then.

Lindy and AlsoConfused, many thanks. I have to get him into some 'special' pants soon as I've just found another pair of soiled pants folded and put back in the drawer with the clean ones! :eek:
I'm going to have to talk to him about it today and I've got to get this right. Heaven help me. Perhaps I'll leave it until this evening, a couple of glasses of red wine might help. ;)

Many thanks xxx
 

Darren 48

Registered User
Sep 4, 2014
11
Lincoln uk
My mum aged 83 also soils pants and discards them everywhere in toilet ,in drawers ,hanging up ,we now have to watch her every time she goes to the loo to see if she has underwear in her hands it's just something we have got used to over the last 12 months .
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
On a related issue, I am trying to encourage mum to use pads :)eek: from her point of view!) and I am wondering how best to dispose of them when used. She lives in a very small flat so the smell could easily build up.

Has anyone used anything like this? http://www.ageukincontinence.co.uk/...seal-nappy-and-incontinence-disposal-bin.html

Or does anyone have any other ideas please? Mum lives alone in sheltered housing so I can't rescue every pad every time. We need a system that hopefully I and maybe mum can use. Might a normal pedal bin be better? ( I know mum may not use any bin, but I have to try .....)

Many thanks :)

Lindy xx
 
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Pete J

Registered User
Jul 19, 2012
22
Constant Reminders is the Answer

Hi Everyone,
It seems to be a common problem among people with Dementia.
This is the biggest issue by far in our household. Constantly bathing, washing bedding, clothes, towels, bath mats etc, and generally cleaning up after her.
My wife Barbara is only 63 with mid/late Dementia.
She is only a small person around 7 stone, we visited the continence nurse, and the only thing they had to offer were pads. The small were too small, and the large were massively too big. So to make her more comfortable we now buy the T_na discreet.
Sometimes she will sneak off to the toilet on her own, especially when I am busy and don't notice. Sometimes she will forget to pull her pants down, she always forgets to clean her self, sometimes she gets poo on her hands and gets it every ware. Then it's a big clean up job. She has even used the bath as a toilet.
She needs watching like a hawk, and needs constant reminders throughout the day, and night. Perhaps this is the only answer, and something we have to accept.
Kind Regards
Pete.
 

leicester61

Registered User
Aug 26, 2012
146
Leicestershire
Hi Jig-jog

My OH was diagnosed over 2 yrs ago aged 52 and in the last few mths has had a few little ' accidents' I decided to take the bull by the horns and just asked him one day ( as i was doing the washing) my exact words were have you got a poorly tummy, he looked very embarrassed and admitted to having a couple of accidents, i just down played it loads and said Oh thats ok but tell you what if you can just let me know and i can sort it, as he still works part time i send him off to work with clean underwear and wet wipes ( he works in a very male orientated environment, and the toilet facilities r not the best) So far he has managed to let me know when anything has happened and its been dealt with. It was really embarrassing for him but once we'd had the conversation he feels a lot easier about telling me. Once it gets out of control we have talked about special pants. Hope this helps a bit
Suz x
 

JigJog

Registered User
Nov 6, 2013
236
Thank you

It certainly does help Suz. Thanks to everyone for your help and advice.

I have now taken the bull by the horns and we have discussed it. It was much easier than I thought. He has no inhibitions these days, so was happy to just talk about it. With pads, and wipes, we are getting through. He does need those constant reminders Pete, you are right.
Onward and upward.............thanks again :)

JJ x
 

leicester61

Registered User
Aug 26, 2012
146
Leicestershire
It certainly does help Suz. Thanks to everyone for your help and advice.

I have now taken the bull by the horns and we have discussed it. It was much easier than I thought. He has no inhibitions these days, so was happy to just talk about it. With pads, and wipes, we are getting through. He does need those constant reminders Pete, you are right.
Onward and upward.............thanks again :)

JJ x
So pleased you could have the conversation, thats what i found with my OH, hes not really bothered what he says to me these days, good or bad lol, especially when he now calls me extra curvy lol
suz x
 

john51

Registered User
Apr 26, 2014
289
Dunstable, Bedfordshire
JogJog

In all your posts you can tell that you still treat your husband as a person and care about the problems he is having not just the problems they cause.

Unfortunately as I read through the thread, so many writers seem more concerned about themselves and the problems caused for them.

Perhaps a few more could, like you, think about how the person they care for feels.

Like so many of those written about I have the occasional accident.

Its so scary not knowing what to do, how to deal with it, how to admit to those you love that you have lost control of that very basic function that even babies learn to master. To realise how antisocial it is. To ask for clean underwear like a child.
It never happens at the most convenient time; for anybody.

Later to be confronted with the results of your crime makes you feel lower and lower.

So everybody; please we are human.
yes we have dementia
No we don't have the control we used to have.
But we have feelings.
Why don't we care what we say..beacuse we can't. It's what's expected.

Having said all this (rtant over) I know just how much so mnay of you (my wife included) care for us

John
Hi,



I'm sure there are many of you that have been in the situation that I'm finding myself in at the moment, and I'd really be grateful for any help or advice you could give me.

My husband is suffering from Alzheimer's and was diagnosed a year ago at the age of 62,

Just recently, I have become aware of his underpants looking a little soiled when I come to put them in the wash. I've assumed that he is not wiping himself properly but as he showers every day, I've just let this ride for a little while.

Over the last few of days the problem has got much worse and I am finding pants soiled with leaky poo hidden in various places. His jeans have also been soiled. I can't ignore this any more but really don't know how to approach this matter with him.

It's a tricky one, so personal and embarrassing for him. I want to be respectful and sensitive but don't really know how to raise the subject for the first time.

He's still fit and active and will not want to discuss this at all. Has anyone got any ideas how to just get over this tricky stage. I suspect that he will have to begin wearing pads but it's just raising the matter in the first place that I'm dreading.

Any thoughts?

Many thanks,
JJx
 

JigJog

Registered User
Nov 6, 2013
236
Thank You

John, thank you so much for posting. It reassures me that I am on the right lines. I do try very hard to think how my husband must feel. He feels unable to discuss a lot of things and I accept and understand that.

I often just sit alone for a while, shut my eyes and just reverse the roles. How would I feel? That helps.

Thank you. What you have said has certainly been appreciated. :)

JJx
 

Lindylou1969

New member
Mar 27, 2020
3
Boomi
Hi I am currently going through the same thing my partner's mum is 90 and hides her underwear in places in her bedroom we have to look in her bedroom every day and she's sneaky about it so I feel for you
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,249
Yorkshire
hello @Lindylou1969
a warm welcome to DTP
I hope it helps to know others share similar experiences

just to let you know that this thread is from 2014 ... you can find the date of each post extreme top left of its text box

you might want to start a thread of your own, maybe in this forum