Finding it hard communicating effectively

[jam shed]

It is in my nature to try to explain things to help but I know I'm doing it wrong, my auntie has vascular dementia and I got her an automatic pill dispenser, she doesn't want or need it as she takes her tablets properly... well she doesn't.. she says I don't trust her . Yesterday was a hard day with several heated conversations on her part. With hindsight I probably shouldn't have tried to reason or explain, hard though it is. I will try a different tactic today, if or when mentioned I'll say... we said we'd give it a few days and see if it works for you...help, is this the way forward x

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @jam shed.

I wondered if you would find this link useful -

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[SharoH]

Hi @jam shed
The link that @Izzy has posted above is really useful. I was having issues with my OH, which always ended up in heated discussions.
I checked out the above link and found it invaluable and things are so much better now.
You find out very quickly that conversations that were once ‘normal’, may never be the same so you have to learn to let things go, when your automatic instinct is to correct the other person.
It takes time and god knows, I’m still learning but please do check out the link, I found it very useful.
Good luck.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @jam shed and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to hear about your auntie. Unfortunately it is hard getting people with dementia to accept that what you are doing to help them is not in some way belittling or demeaning them. After a lifetime of independence - and in the sure knowledge that there is nothing wrong with them - one might understand how they now take exception to any suggestion that they are not capable of doing 'simple' things. That doesn't help when something like taking medication properly is involved. My wife's statins came in blister packs with days of the week on them. It was only when she told me that she didn't bother reading the daily information that I realised that she wasn't able to be certain whether she had taken the correct dose. This was true for all of her different pills. My solution was to use a dosette box but that only worked if I took charge. Left to herself she would still get things mixed up.

It is really hard when a person is still sufficiently aware of normal life to challenge anything one suggests. Why are you doing that? There must be an ulterior motive, and so on. Compassionate communication can help but putting it's theory into practice is not that easy.