Posted by 'Mary Poppins' 23/11/05
The day has come
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Today the day I have been dreading yet needing if that doesn't sound strange has come. Thisafternoon Dad goes into a care home for 2 weeks respite care. This is his first time away from Mum in nearly 60 years. He is in his 7th year of dementia and after a recent move of areas we managed to get a referral, within 10 days mum (or dad?) was assigned a social worker and he visited on Monday and within 2 days Dad is off to be assessed and to get his medication sorted. I have mixed feelings, I know I was the main instigator of this move, to that end I feel terribly sad and guilty. Will mum cope? she is very up beat at the moment because she has been ill herself and needs this break to recouperate but how will dad cope. He is (and always has been if I am honest) used to getting his own way and now with the condition he can be very aggressive if stopped from doing exactly what he wants. Last night I dreamt he was strapped in a chair and I was watching but could not stop them doing it to him - I KNOW that sounds dramatic but i think we have been on this treadmill of coping and caring and now others are involved I am panicing inside that he will not cope with the transition then he could be worse when he gets home. How do you know that when you've gone they will give him the care he needs and attention he demands? I feel sick with nerves. I am sure everyone who reads this will have had some of these thoughts - how do you cope? please help
Posted by 'Mary Poppins' today (2/12/05)
Respite update
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I have just read what i wrote when I last posted about Dad going into respite for the first time. I was quite shocked at how stressed I sounded –
Well we got him there. It felt awful, but he was perfectly happy, hung his coat up and set off walking with one of the other residents. We felt at a loss what to do, we settled him in and left him tucking into his sandwiches which were for tea. He ate Egg Mayo, Tomato on cheese and corned beef without batting an eyelid! He would never have touched those things at home. Plain food that's him, not 'bu**ered about food like putting tomatoes on cheese!!!!! We had a laugh about that. Mum had a great first week I think but has hit a bit of a depressed 'feel.' The highs and lows, the guilt and relief, the anticipation and dread of him coming home. We have taken her on a girly day shopping and lunch and she loved that, and she is happy with how dad has settled but it's like holding your breath for the next hurdle. Dad fits in perfectly with the other residents which was a relief and the staff are lovely (no tying him down!) how they can do the job is simply beyond me. One nurse said it was because they went home after a shift and weren't related to the residents so things that would upset me they just deal with. That's not to say they don't care about their charges but it is a different emotion I think. Anyway next Wednesday is back home day so we'll see how he adjusts to being in a small bungalow after acres of space to walk around all day. Any one day at a time as I have read somewhere!