Filling in Attendance Allowance form for Mum who does not accept her lack of capacity.

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
46
0
Hi all, I need to fill in this form for my Mum. As many of you will know, I will need to list the various issues that my Mum is having, primary, the fact that she is in the early stages of dementia and cannot really manage her life. The issue is that she does not (understandably) accept that she has dementia and lacks capacity. I will be filling in the form as if I were her (there is no 'filling out this form on behalf of' option) and she will want to read it and will then need to sign it. The issue is, she just won't accept what I need to state on the form. Especially that she is in the early stages of dementia, which she vehemently denies. So this has the potential to upset and cause conflict. Any advice on how to navigate would be most appreciated, as well as some general tips of the do's and don'ts of filling in this form. Many thanks in advance.
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
29,925
0
Bury
. I will be filling in the form as if I were her (there is no 'filling out this form on behalf of' option) and she will want to read it and will then need to sign it.
You can fill it in and sign on her behalf if you have LPA or DWP deputyship.
There is a section on the form to apply for deputyship, it's free and only requires both mum and you to be interviewed.
 

sue31

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
131
0
Medway
Hi all, I need to fill in this form for my Mum. As many of you will know, I will need to list the various issues that my Mum is having, primary, the fact that she is in the early stages of dementia and cannot really manage her life. The issue is that she does not (understandably) accept that she has dementia and lacks capacity. I will be filling in the form as if I were her (there is no 'filling out this form on behalf of' option) and she will want to read it and will then need to sign it. The issue is, she just won't accept what I need to state on the form. Especially that she is in the early stages of dementia, which she vehemently denies. So this has the potential to upset and cause conflict. Any advice on how to navigate would be most appreciated, as well as some general tips of the do's and don'ts of filling in this form. Many thanks in advance.
I have the financial LPA for my mother. I filled it in, gave all carers details, social workers involved etc, and they phoned me about 3 weeks later to get the gov. access code to view the LPA. Money was in her bank 10 days later.
Was very impressed.
Just wish I’d known she was entitled to it 4 years ago when carers started🤯
If you get stuck ring them, they are very helpful.
 

Suzysheep01

Registered User
Jan 14, 2023
174
0
I have financial LPA for my mum. I filled it all in and signed it all without mum even being aware of it. She would have stressed about it otherwise.
 

Newplodder

Registered User
Jan 1, 2023
12
0
62
North Wales
I had the same issue with my husband. I filled in the straightforward bits...name, address, GP, details of the health professionals, bank details etc. I wrote a couple of innocuous statements about him and then got him to sign it. ... the form looked quite comprehensively completed and he signed as it didn't really say much at that point. I told him we might as well apply for the AA as they can only say no., why not try etc. Afterwards, I added all the necessary info and posted it without showing him. He has completely forgotten about it of course!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
24,701
0
South coast
I didnt have POA for mum, so I became her DWP appointee, which meant that I could speak to the DWP and sort out pension and benefits for her and filled in the form without her even knowing about it.

BTW, the form is hard to fill in and is easy to understate their condition. The man from DWP told me that I had to fill it in as if it were her worst day, assume that different people would be reading every question and to make sure I gave examples in the boxes for every question.
You can get help in filling it in from Age UK, carers organisations, or Citizens Advice
 

leny connery

Registered User
Nov 13, 2022
245
0
I didnt have POA for mum, so I became her DWP appointee, which meant that I could speak to the DWP and sort out pension and benefits for her and filled in the form without her even knowing about it.

BTW, the form is hard to fill in and is easy to understate their condition. The man from DWP told me that I had to fill it in as if it were her worst day, assume that different people would be reading every question and to make sure I gave examples in the boxes for every question.
You can get help in filling it in from Age UK, carers organisations, or Citizens Advice
Agree. Age UK helped me, and they know exactly how to fill it with me. Nonlies, just the worst of the caring aspect. Got it within weeks.
 

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
46
0
I have the financial LPA for my mother. I filled it in, gave all carers details, social workers involved etc, and they phoned me about 3 weeks later to get the gov. access code to view the LPA. Money was in her bank 10 days later.
Was very impressed.
Just wish I’d known she was entitled to it 4 years ago when carers started🤯
If you get stuck ring them, they are very helpful.
Thanks for responding. I already have the LPA in place. We did it a few years ago. It's really about filling in the Attendance Allowance form.
 

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
46
0
You can fill it in and sign on her behalf if you have LPA or DWP deputyship.
There is a section on the form to apply for deputyship, it's free and only requires both mum and you to be interviewed.
Thank you N.
 

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
46
0
I had the same issue with my husband. I filled in the straightforward bits...name, address, GP, details of the health professionals, bank details etc. I wrote a couple of innocuous statements about him and then got him to sign it. ... the form looked quite comprehensively completed and he signed as it didn't really say much at that point. I told him we might as well apply for the AA as they can only say no., why not try etc. Afterwards, I added all the necessary info and posted it without showing him. He has completely forgotten about it of course!
Yes, I think that is wise and it's prob what I will do. Many thanks.
 

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
46
0
I didnt have POA for mum, so I became her DWP appointee, which meant that I could speak to the DWP and sort out pension and benefits for her and filled in the form without her even knowing about it.

BTW, the form is hard to fill in and is easy to understate their condition. The man from DWP told me that I had to fill it in as if it were her worst day, assume that different people would be reading every question and to make sure I gave examples in the boxes for every question.
You can get help in filling it in from Age UK, carers organisations, or Citizens Advice
Thank you! That's really good advice.
 

sue31

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
131
0
Medway
Thanks for responding. I already have the LPA in place. We did it a few years ago. It's really about filling in the Attendance Allowance form.
If you have the LPA you can do it on their behalf.
Someone will ring you to supply them with the code to view the LPA on the gov website.
You sign the form - I didn’t even tell my mother I was applying.
Just fill in their bank details, money goes into their account.
Mums only on the basic level but every little helps towards the carer bill.
 

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
46
0
If you have the LPA you can do it on their behalf.
Someone will ring you to supply them with the code to view the LPA on the gov website.
You sign the form - I didn’t even tell my mother I was applying.
Just fill in their bank details, money goes into their account.
Mums only on the basic level but every little helps towards the carer bill.
Good point. I will check in with them. It's hard because my Mum still has capacity to an extent so I feel bad about just doing stuff 'behind her back'.
 

sue31

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
131
0
Medway
Good point. I will check in with them. It's hard because my Mum still has capacity to an extent so I feel bad about just doing stuff 'behind her back'.
Honestly don’t feel bad! I know exactly what you mean though.
It makes your life so much easier to do some things that will benefit her without her knowledge.
My mother is great at masking her lack of capacity to others trying to do the assessments. She too still has some limited capacity but just cannot process information - especially forms etc.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
24,701
0
South coast
It's hard because my Mum still has capacity to an extent so I feel bad about just doing stuff 'behind her back'.
Yes it is hard when you first start having to do this, but if your mum is unable to understand the reality of her own condition, then she does not have the capacity to fill in and sign the form. That is what POA is for.
 

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
46
0
Honestly don’t feel bad! I know exactly what you mean though.
It makes your life so much easier to do some things that will benefit her without her knowledge.
My mother is great at masking her lack of capacity to others trying to do the assessments. She too still has some limited capacity but just cannot process information - especially forms etc.
Thanks Sue. My Mum so angry when she had an assessment with a geriatrician. She thinks I went behind her back and that I think she is loosing her mind, etc. She was furious at me. That as like a stab in the heart!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
24,701
0
South coast
@Gee7 - yes I know it is hard to go against what she wants, but she will never accept her condition and all the while you are acquiescing to her wants life is getting harder and harder for you. Im afraid that you have to learn subterfuge and being "economical with the truth", so that you can get what you and she needs without upsetting her.
 

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
46
0
@Gee7 - yes I know it is hard to go against what she wants, but she will never accept her condition and all the while you are acquiescing to her wants life is getting harder and harder for you. Im afraid that you have to learn subterfuge and being "economical with the truth", so that you can get what you and she needs without upsetting her.
Yeah... I hear ya! Thanks.
 

sue31

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
131
0
Medway
Thanks Sue. My Mum so angry when she had an assessment with a geriatrician. She thinks I went behind her back and that I think she is loosing her mind, etc. She was furious at me. That as like a stab in the heart!
Same here mines so convincing when she rants I begin to doubt my own sanity! Then I look at the state of her & the once pristine home & I know for sure she needs help - so do I to deal with her!
it’s hard on all involved, painful to try & do what you know is best for them. Sad to say it only gets harder as they decline.
But…. you are doing everything you possibly can in an impossible situation to make sure she’s safe & well cared for. You’ll not get any thanks from her, I don’t from mine & feel like my hearts a damn pin cushion & my brains battered dealing with the number of hoops that need jumping though.
She actually thanked me for her lunch Saturday, saying how lovely it was having visitors too, swiftly followed with ‘my daughters is a right nasty piece of work, I hate her, she never visits’.
Cheers mother!
Wrong as it may be I could have tipped it on her head & walked out.