Feeling so guilty

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Mammajan, Oct 13, 2018.

  1. Mammajan

    Mammajan Registered User

    Sep 11, 2018
    42
    my husband is now sleeping, he sleeps probably at least 18 hours a day, but I feel so guilty. He has strained muscles in his chest after a fall and is in a lot of pain. He has just had a choking fit and could hardly breathe, I helped him to recover and now as I say he is sleeping. But I can’t help feeling I should have left him to choke, at least that death would be quick. Not this horrible long drawn out death he is going through. He has no interest in anything any more,just sits in his chair. This isn’t living is it? I feel so bad in even thinking these thoughts, but I hate seeing him like this.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,501
    Male
    I feel for you.

    In my opinion, dark thoughts are a part of dementia. When my wife got her diagnosis her first words to me as we left the clinic were a request to put a pillow over her face when we got home. Dementia can be horrible at times.
     
  3. Mammajan

    Mammajan Registered User

    Sep 11, 2018
    42
    But it’s me with the bad thoughts. My OH just doesn’t care or have feelings about anything now.
     
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,501
    Male
    I know.

    I don’t think there’s a monopoly on the bad thoughts when looking at a person with dementia and their carer(s).

    I was just giving an example of something from my own life that illustrated how such thoughts can be a part of dementia from the very beginning.
     
  5. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    434
    Male
    Newcastle
    We often cross the road at a busy roundabout. There is a refuge in the middle but one needs to be quick to be safe. My wife, who has no mobility problems, seems to hate motorists so she crosses deliberately slowly to annoy them. Imagine my dark thoughts when she does this, they're not ones of which I am proud! Don't feel bad about your thoughts @Mammajan
     
  6. GeG-Canada

    GeG-Canada Registered User

    Feb 4, 2018
    32
    Female
    BC Canada
    Thinking those thoughts is not 'bad;. I would think that most everyone here on TP has them (if they say they don't - might be a bit of a white lie) When my husband is having a 'dementia day' I will think - "would have been better if he'd passed when he had sepsis"..
     
  7. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,246
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    We are responsible for what we do, not for what we think.
    Please, try not to feel guilty. We all have "bad" thoughts , above all on hard, demanding days
     
  8. Mammajan

    Mammajan Registered User

    Sep 11, 2018
    42
    I know, I sometimes think it would have been better if his last stroke had killed him,he survived but for what?
     
  9. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,762
    This is the big question isn't it. My way of making meaning is simply that if consciousness gives pleasure, even fleetingly, then it should be maintained. But when it no longer seems as though that is the case ... well this is the big question that no one will grapple with.
    i did my cadet nursing in a psychiatric/geriatric ward which looking back was full of dementia patients, plus some Parkinsons and some MS. Dementia was called delayed shell shock then because that's what they thought it was and it was close enough to the war to possibly be the case.
    Things got so bad with some patients that, well, doctors were less monitored and more compassionate then if you take my meaning, but I know the toll it took on those doctors. It was not what they became doctors to do. with you Mammajan, with you. with love, kindred.x
     

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