Feeling sad

[JoMcFlurry]

Hello I am still a relative newcomer to the world of dementia and all it's challenges. My stepdad was only diagnosed recently but has deteriorated quickly. My mum is his main carer but I am helping sort out all the professionals input and provide support to them both, especially my Mum.

Tonight he has accused my mum, again, of poisoning him and says he is going to call the police and the doctor in the morning. He says its funny how he only feels ill and tired at home and not at his day centre. He has even set his alarm to do it. We are hoping he will have forgotten by the morning but its just so heart breaking.

Just wanted to get it off my chest. It's all happened so quickly and we've no idea how to deal it it. I'm sure everyone feels like that though.

Thanks for listening. Reading everyone's posts on here really helps.
Jo

 

[Noorza]

Hello I am still a relative newcomer to the world of dementia and all it's challenges. My stepdad was only diagnosed recently but has deteriorated quickly. My mum is his main carer but I am helping sort out all the professionals input and provide support to them both, especially my Mum.

Tonight he has accused my mum, again, of poisoning him and says he is going to call the police and the doctor in the morning. He says its funny how he only feels ill and tired at home and not at his day centre. He has even set his alarm to do it. We are hoping he will have forgotten by the morning but its just so heart breaking.

Just wanted to get it off my chest. It's all happened so quickly and we've no idea how to deal it it. I'm sure everyone feels like that though.

Thanks for listening. Reading everyone's posts on here really helps.
Jo

I have poisoned mum with the wrong soup, she has been burgled where they took my son's snooker ball and nothing else, and someone has contaminated her water.

The police will soon have it logged as calls from a dementia patient.

 

[Dazmum]

I am sorry that you're feeling sad Jo, I'm not surprised, hearing what's happening with your step dad. I bet your mum is glad to have you helping her, it's good to have someone to share the caring and worrying with. There's always someone here to listen and try and help you too, it does help to have a rant and ask questions. Take care x

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Hi Jo,
It's heartbreaking when a loved one changes so radically, isn't it? You must feel overwhelmed, I completely understand. My dad would get cross when Mum handed him his tablets, and say there's nothing wrong with him. Sometimes he would ask why I was giving him someone else's medicine.
When reason and logic are gone we sometimes need to come up with odd untruths to counteract such accusations. I'm not sure how you can get around your stepdad's paranoia, perhaps saying the food was prepared by someone else?
I'm sorry I can't give you constructive advice but I hear and understand your frustrations and bewilderment.
Stephanie, xxx

 

[JoMcFlurry]

Thanks everyone. It's just a relief to have somewhere and others to share all this with. We do feel over whelmed but we are somehow coping. You have no choice do you? I am trying to stay strong for my Mum but have my sad moments too. Hopefully he will have forgotten in the morning. There'll be something else then! X

 

[CeliaW]

John - I don't know if your stepdad is ever in the position he may get out of the house alone or be alone in the house? If so, it would be worth contacting your local police and registering him with them as a vulnerable adult.

The various forces deal with it slightly differently but if they know in advance of any issues, then it can make life easier. My Mum makes random phone calls to strangers and so they have her listed and if there is an issue they know how to respond. Some forces do it quite formally and have a set list of things to note - some will just put a note against the address.

Just a thought,

Take care

Celia

 

[JoMcFlurry]

Thanks Celia that's a good idea. My Mum is still coming to terms with it all and isn't coping when his behaviour is obvious to others. He has told the neighbours she is poisoning him and locks him in the back bedroom every night! You're right though, they must deal with these sorts of issues all the time.

X

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hi Jo, just wanted to say welcome, too, and that I'm so sorry you're feeling sad tonight and have had this problem to deal with this evening. It must be very difficult.

Getting things off your chest on here really helps me, and I hope it helps you, too. Do let us know how things are in the morning.

xx

 

[Kellyx]

Sorry to hear about that but if he does contact the police they will understand and be fully supportive.
My grandad claimed that there was parties going on in the living room, people were stalking him from the windows and much more.
It affects everyone differently, but you are entitled to feel sad. Talking point really does help get things off your chest and it also makes you realise that you are not alone - so remember that there is always someone there when you need to clear your mind!
All the best x

 

[Mamsgirl]

Tangling up events and fantasy are all too common, I'm afraid.

My friend's MIL has been widowed for over thirty years and lives alone. Last year there was a man coming in through the night to have a shower and sleep in the spare room! Fortunately he's faded away now.

A few weeks prior to this starting another of her sons and his family used her bathroom for a few days while renovations were going on at home, so having ensured there was no real intruder on the scene, concluded this may have been the trigger.

Could your stepdad have an oral candida infection? They're very common and can alter the taste of food.

Good luck

 

[Nick99]

These hallucinations seem quite common but they are real to the person concerned. My FIL has often said that people come into his house at night to use the toilet. He was convinced that two men came in and stole his mattress as he was absolutely convinced he slept on two of them. He may well have done in 1954 but there was no way we could convince him that it had not been stolen. Fortunately it has faded from his memory. He also thinks neighbours fill up his dustbin. I had a friend whose mother had the condition and she was convinced there was a brothel upstairs.

My experience is that these things go in stages and this one may well pass. Please keep in touch with TP as I think you will find a lot of support and help.

 

[BlueJellybean]

You have the right to feel sad, also happy, and laughing is a good medicine
my dad believes that there are two people and a cat living in their bedroom. He wakes my mum and stupid o clock and tells her to get them out.

She sits up and tells him whilst looking into the mirrored wardrobes that it is him, her and their cat!! My poor mum tells him this about 4 times during the night.

Sometimes we can laugh about it, sometimes we cry about it, but life goes on regardless. Keep smiling and give your mum a hug xx

 

[Grandma Joan]

Yes, we are all living through it. Well, my Mum is. My sister and I are trying desperately to support them.

But every night my Dad asks where is he sleeping, and who with. And he won't settle until they go to bed, then he gets up several times in the night and switches all the lights on disturbing Mum and worrying about something that he thinks happened during the day. Sometimes he says he is going to call the police or once he has threatened to hit Mum. Today she fell asleep in the afternoon and when she woke up he had gone out of the garage door and shut it behind him so he couldn't get back. She eventually found him. He told me he made a fool of himself, and I told him we all lock ourselves out from time to time and it doesnt matter. Funny he remembers the episode though as usually he can,t remember anything that happened recently.

She is 89 and shattered, he is 90.

We try to have some laughs, go out for lunch, and look on the bright side, but tears come regularly as exhaustion takes over.

 

[JoMcFlurry]

A big thank you

Hello everyone

I just want to say a big thank you for all your lovely replies. Just hearing people say welcome, of course you feel sad, we know how you feel and give practical tips has been wonderful.

He woke him this morning and didn't remember anything about last night and certainly no mention of ringing the police. Today though my Mum has been getting the blame for everything from moving to their current house, selling the car, stopping him going out of the house etc etc. I wonder why such paranoia is so common? Those with the dementia must feel so scared to believe these things all the time. Those caring are exhausted emotionally and physically trying to diffuse every accusation and situation.

We also laugh when we can. A few weeks ago he thought my mum and her friend were growing and selling cannabis from the garage and his only concern was whether he could have any! Lol! it helps with the bad times (a tiny bit!).

I will definitely stay in touch. Thank you again.
Jo
X

 

[Lawrie]

Laughter

Hello everyone

I just want to say a big thank you for all your lovely replies. Just hearing people say welcome, of course you feel sad, we know how you feel and give practical tips has been wonderful.

He woke him this morning and didn't remember anything about last night and certainly no mention of ringing the police. Today though my Mum has been getting the blame for everything from moving to their current house, selling the car, stopping him going out of the house etc etc. I wonder why such paranoia is so common? Those with the dementia must feel so scared to believe these things all the time. Those caring are exhausted emotionally and physically trying to diffuse every accusation and situation.

We also laugh when we can. A few weeks ago he thought my mum and her friend were growing and selling cannabis from the garage and his only concern was whether he could have any! Lol! it helps with the bad times (a tiny bit!).

I will definitely stay in touch. Thank you again.
Jo
X

Heh Jo,

This might make you laugh too. My dad was sent for an ultra sound scan, when he came back he looked at my daughter and said very loudly "there's no baby in there you know!" . A bit of lightheartedness at a difficult time. sending best wishes to you.