Social services refusing to put step dad into care

[Fugs]

@Imogenlily , I obviously don't fully know your relationship with your fil and sil. But from what I am reading it is not just the ss that is taking advantage of you. I wonder if you should not be focusing on the ss, but rather your sil, to get your fil out of your house. You mention building work. Perhaps that is a wonderful opportunity to lose a number of essential services which requires your fil to leave the house for his own comfort and safety. You may need to camp for a bit, or look ad if you are when certain people come visiting.
But as I say I don't know all of the relationships involved.
Good luck.

 

[Rayreadynow]

Sounds like a solicitor maybe the answer.

 

[Fugs]

@Imogenlily , I obviously don't fully know your relationship with your fil and sil. But from what I am reading it is not just the ss that is taking advantage of you. I wonder if you should not be focusing on the ss, but rather your sil, to get your fil out of your house. You mention building work. Perhaps that is a wonderful opportunity to lose a number of essential services which requires your fil to leave the house for his own comfort and safety. You may need to camp for a bit, or look ad if you are when certain people come visiting.
But as I say I don't know all of the relationships involved.
Good luck.

Sorry that should say Step Father and Step Sister, not fil and sil, but hopefully it makes sense.

 

[Nicole123]

I really feel for you. I have been following your posts and to me I agree with other people that you now need to tell sS that you will be taking a step back from care. Your step sister has been taking advantage of you. do not leave it to her, she’s not doing you any favours . Your the one stuck with sd not her so why should she speak up for you. The care home have said that they can’t cope with him. You need to email Ss in a strongly word email that they have a duty of care for a very vulnerable person and also you refuse to have sd in your home and will no longer be coerced into caregiving. I’m sorry for your situation but unless you do something about it they will keep coercing you into caring for sd. Do not leave it to you step sister to fight your corner, ask a friend to help you with an email

 

[Imogenlily]

I really feel for you. I have been following your posts and to me I agree with other people that you now need to tell sS that you will be taking a step back from care. Your step sister has been taking advantage of you. do not leave it to her, she’s not doing you any favours . Your the one stuck with sd not her so why should she speak up for you. The care home have said that they can’t cope with him. You need to email Ss in a strongly word email that they have a duty of care for a very vulnerable person and also you refuse to have sd in your home and will no longer be coerced into caregiving. I’m sorry for your situation but unless you do something about it they will keep coercing you into caring for sd. Do not leave it to you step sister to fight your corner, ask a friend to help you with an email

Hi thanks for reply. You're right in a lot of things. It's not an equal relationship. THere's a lot of tension and things that go back decades that aren't spoken about. They aren't bad people, but I think they are eager to avoid stressing themselves.
My stepsister knows I'm not my stepdad's carer but I don't think she fully understands that living with him (sd) means I get suckered into a lot of stuff. I'm not at work right now due to numerous health issues, so I think there's an assumption I have time to help out if needed.
With the respite home, I think I wasn't clear before, they basically said stepdad is not safe to come back to my house - they can manage him OK - he's actually a *lot* better there - his mood has improved, his confussion is less because they take care of catheter issues right then, his mobility is really bad though and he's a high falls risk which is one of the main reasons the home is saying it's not safe for him to return back here. I think they'd be fine with him moving into their home perminantly. My mum was a lot, lot worse when she needed care. The issue is money - my stepdad can't afford a care home and I'm in one of the bankrupt council areas. I've actually shown my step sister the email I'm going to send telling the social worker my stepdad can't come back and she's actually OK with it (finally) - maybe she's beginning to realise how serious things are. I need to remember I need to fight my corner. My mum was good at that. Thanks for advice.

 

[Imogenlily]

Sorry that should say Step Father and Step Sister, not fil and sil, but hopefully it makes sense.

No worries, I knew what you were saying! Yes it made sense and thanks for advice. It's a tense relationship - I wanted it to be better but there's a lot of past issues with my mum and stepdad (their marriage wasn't good) - too much history to get passed I think.
There's been a few things my step-siblings have done that have been done recently that have been a bit of an eye opening (mostly financial stuff) that my brother has said was unkind of them...but I need to remember this house is mine (or will be after probate) and I can choose if stepdad stays. Stepsiblings do want him to go into care and have agreed my letter is OK (would have sent it anyway) so I'll see how social worker responds. A lot of people have told me I shouldn't be in this situation looking after step-dad so I need to remember that and remember my mum and sister would want me to fight my corner. Thanks for your reply, it was really kind

 

[Imogenlily]

Sounds like a solicitor maybe the answer.

That could be a possibility, my mum's executor is a lawyer and a bit of a bit-pull. It's really hard to get her to reply to stuff though, but she might be enough to terrify the social worker - I'll keep it in mind though, thanks (and if I figure out how on earth I'd pay for her!)