My DH was diagnosed last year with early onset Alzheimer's. Two weeks ago he lost his job. The sadness, fear and anger I feel is literally overwhelming. I feel like I'm drowning. Any tips to help with this drowning feeling?
Feeling Overwhelmed
- Thread starter MineagOoidal
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- young-onset dementia
Welcome to the forum.
Your feelings are absolutely normal. Getting a diagnosis of dementia, even if it's expected can feel overwhelming. It signifies the loss of the future you had envisioned. I don't have experience of early onset Alzheimer's - which often beings additional challenges - but many people on this forum do.
There are a few practical things that you should try and deal with now: powers of attorney (there are two kinds) and wills.
Your husband must also inform the DVLA and the car insurers of his dementia diagnosis. That is required by law. The DVLA will decide whether he can continue driving for a period / he must take a driving test before they make a decision / he has to stop driving.
Your husband will be entitled to benefits (others on the forum will advise you on what they might be for a person who hasn't yet reached retirement age).
Do keep posting for advice, and to have a rant if you want to.
Your feelings are absolutely normal. Getting a diagnosis of dementia, even if it's expected can feel overwhelming. It signifies the loss of the future you had envisioned. I don't have experience of early onset Alzheimer's - which often beings additional challenges - but many people on this forum do.
There are a few practical things that you should try and deal with now: powers of attorney (there are two kinds) and wills.
Your husband must also inform the DVLA and the car insurers of his dementia diagnosis. That is required by law. The DVLA will decide whether he can continue driving for a period / he must take a driving test before they make a decision / he has to stop driving.
Your husband will be entitled to benefits (others on the forum will advise you on what they might be for a person who hasn't yet reached retirement age).
Do keep posting for advice, and to have a rant if you want to.
Hi @MineagOoidal and welcome to the forum.
I am so very sorry to hear of your husbands diagnosis. My mum was diagnosed last year...very different circumstances due to relationship and the fact she is in her 70s so not as young as your poor husband.
However the feeling you describe of "drowning" I know very well...for 6 months last year I wondered if I would get my head above the water when the initial surge of grief came on. It seems natual you might be experiencing another surge of grief as your husbands job loss marks a big change in your journey and lives.
There will be lots of practical things for you to do, eg benefits, POA and the like, but these task lists can also be extremely overwhelming. Rome wasnt built in a day and it doesn't all need to be sorted right away. You can do one thing at a time.
I dont know if you work yourself and if that means your husband will be alone more at home in daytime, or that you will be home more together..either way, that would be a change and a lot for you to digest and process.
Do you have a social worker locally? I found ours extremwly helpful for navigating "the system" and the do lists. She has signpoated us to local services that have been very helpful for us as a family.
As for your feelings, be kind to yourself. I find that my own emotions can be stable amd calm for some time then somethjng will trigger a big emotional rollercoaster. Its an awful feeling and I dread every one of them but I think you might have to let yourself feel all the anger and frustration..its understandable why you would feel like that. This forum is a great place to let off steam if things get on top of you, or for practcial advice. Do keep posting xx
I am so very sorry to hear of your husbands diagnosis. My mum was diagnosed last year...very different circumstances due to relationship and the fact she is in her 70s so not as young as your poor husband.
However the feeling you describe of "drowning" I know very well...for 6 months last year I wondered if I would get my head above the water when the initial surge of grief came on. It seems natual you might be experiencing another surge of grief as your husbands job loss marks a big change in your journey and lives.
There will be lots of practical things for you to do, eg benefits, POA and the like, but these task lists can also be extremely overwhelming. Rome wasnt built in a day and it doesn't all need to be sorted right away. You can do one thing at a time.
I dont know if you work yourself and if that means your husband will be alone more at home in daytime, or that you will be home more together..either way, that would be a change and a lot for you to digest and process.
Do you have a social worker locally? I found ours extremwly helpful for navigating "the system" and the do lists. She has signpoated us to local services that have been very helpful for us as a family.
As for your feelings, be kind to yourself. I find that my own emotions can be stable amd calm for some time then somethjng will trigger a big emotional rollercoaster. Its an awful feeling and I dread every one of them but I think you might have to let yourself feel all the anger and frustration..its understandable why you would feel like that. This forum is a great place to let off steam if things get on top of you, or for practcial advice. Do keep posting xx
I know exactly how you feel, my husband was diagnosed last week. Feel utterly lost and overwhelmed. He won't talk about it, says he's fine now, tells me to stop talking to people about it as he's embarrassed about it and a bit in denial. I find talking to people is helping, I phoned a dementia nurse and he walked off when she asked how we were feeling and I started telling her. I feel overwhelmed like you.
Hello @annamj and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis but am pleased that you have found us as you will get lots of support and advice here.
Your husband's reaction to the diagnosis is quite common, some people take a while to accept the diagnosis and others never accept it. All you can do at present for your husband is to be there for him, and if he wants to talk at any time be a good listening ear. Your own feelings are also totally normal, a diagnosis is very overwhelming and our members on here will understand how you feel. If you do feel the need to talk about how you feel to either nurses, doctors or friends please for now try to do so away from your husband, just until he gets used to his diagnosis. You might find the attached information useful - please see link below.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
You might also find it useful to start your own thread in the - I have a partner with dementia area, again I have attached a link. There you can talk about your feelings on an ongoing basis, ask for advice or just let off some steam when necessary.
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
Your husband's reaction to the diagnosis is quite common, some people take a while to accept the diagnosis and others never accept it. All you can do at present for your husband is to be there for him, and if he wants to talk at any time be a good listening ear. Your own feelings are also totally normal, a diagnosis is very overwhelming and our members on here will understand how you feel. If you do feel the need to talk about how you feel to either nurses, doctors or friends please for now try to do so away from your husband, just until he gets used to his diagnosis. You might find the attached information useful - please see link below.
Caring for a person with dementia: A practical guide
Are you supporting someone living with dementia? Get your copy of the latest version of our guide for carers.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
You might also find it useful to start your own thread in the - I have a partner with dementia area, again I have attached a link. There you can talk about your feelings on an ongoing basis, ask for advice or just let off some steam when necessary.
I have a partner with dementia
This forum is for people with a partner or spouse with dementia.
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
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