Feeling guilty for shouting at my husband

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Larker, Sep 24, 2019.

  1. Mitch60

    Mitch60 Registered User

    Jun 13, 2018
    23
    I too have shouted at my poor mum ...I feel so bad and I always say I'm sorry ...but I do agree it's the sleep or lack of it , trying to hang on to a small thread of normal life and dealing with all the day to day stuff ...and it's so hard to keep calm all the time . We have just had a blow to mum's diagnosis as it could be dementia with Lewy bodies . Vascular dementia was the first diagnosis...which is what my dad had and passed away 4 years ago ...a 2 year gap and then after moving in with my mum as it seem to make sense as we are both widows...mum got this .
     
  2. Mitch60

    Mitch60 Registered User

    Jun 13, 2018
    23
    I too have shouted at my poor mum ...I feel so bad and I always say I'm sorry ...but I do agree it's the sleep or lack of it , trying to hang on to a small thread of normal life and dealing with all the day to day stuff ...and it's so hard to keep calm all the time . We have just had a blow to mum's diagnosis as it could be dementia with Lewy bodies . Vascular dementia was the first diagnosis...which is what my dad had and passed away 4 years ago ...a 2 year gap and then after moving in with my mum as it seem to make sense as we are both widows...mum got this .
     
  3. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    115
    Hi.. After a bad night.. Sat up at the side of the bed at 1..trying to decide to get up or lay down.. at half one laying back down.. then up at 4 to get dressed.. Given that I have to help him get up and dressed and faced with continual questions about when he can go to the loo(he has a colestomy bag so need not worry) my patience is running low... My tone gets sharp and irritated.. Don't actually shout till around 5.30...now feel I'm letting him down as I know he can't help it... Lack of sleep is the worst thing... From a grumpy carer!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  4. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    115
    Hi.. After a bad night.. Sat up at the side of the bed at 1..trying to decide to get up or lay down.. at half one laying back down.. then up at 4 to get dressed.. Given that I have to help him get up and dressed and faced with continual questions about when he can go to the loo(he has a colestomy bag so need not worry) my patience is running low... My tone gets sharp and irritated.. Don't actually shout till around 5.30...now feel I'm letting him down as I know he can't help it... Lack of sleep is the worst thing... From a grumpy carer!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  5. Larker

    Larker Registered User

    Mar 1, 2019
    39
    Female
    East Yorkshire
    Oh once again you are mirroring our life. My OH up a d down during the night. Trying to get dressed, needs to be somewhere, someone told him to get up. Have a good night xx
     
  6. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    236
    Precisely, then you've no patience the next day. A good night's sleep (relatively) and I feel kindly and sorry for him, but after a bad night I can hardly tolerate being in the same room, I just want to be alone, listen to the radio.
     
  7. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    507
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I know that feeling. The other day he managed to wind me up so much I had the urge to pick him up and put him in a playpen so I could go about my business. Now isn't that a strange feeling to have? But that's how I felt.
     
  8. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    236
    I haven't thought of that but next time he's pacing about I shall think of you and a giant playpen. Had a fairly good evening managed to get him settled to watch Midsummer murders (though I doubt he followed it) later Match of the day which is guaranteed peace.
     
  9. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    507
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    Thank you for making me smile at that.
     
  10. Juba

    Juba Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    27
    Not sure if this is a practical option for you but we have a small dog. Every time I hear myself rant or feel like I'm losing control the dog just looks at me and I remember 'shouting or ranting will just make things worse'. As a result, the dog now gets taken on lots of walks - even just round the corner until I can bring myself down.
    It's an awful situation but as others tell me - 'we're all human and need to blow off steam at times'. Hope things improve for you
     
  11. Lladro

    Lladro Registered User

    May 1, 2019
    70
    Hi all, I seem to be able to identify with almost every reply that I have read on this thread! Feeling guilty for shouting, being followed everywhere, Hostess mode (don't get me started on that one!) OH not interested in anything, OH says she has been to this place or that (we never have), she knows this or that person (never seen them before), other people in the house (our neighbour asked me yesterday if there were other people in our house! (OH had told her there were). Asking where I am all of the time, using my name to talk about someone else, to me!
    Being horrid to me. The loneliness of not having anyone to share conversations with or sort out problems together anymore. My conclusion: We are so not alone in this - it just seems that way - So sad - Best to everyone x
     
  12. Larker

    Larker Registered User

    Mar 1, 2019
    39
    Female
    East Yorkshire
    Yes I can associate with all those things. It is very lonely. Best wishes xx
     

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