Feeling depressed and confused about visiting restrictions.

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,715
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I don’t understand either why they can’t bring in this rapid testing for Care Homes either.

The rapid result lateral flow tests are now being rolled out to a number of local authorities, and their directors of public health will decide how to prioritise the testing. The local authorities who will be receiving the tests are listed here:

 

Kellyr

Registered User
Aug 8, 2020
146
0
Had vid call with my mum today it was pretty hopeless and she was clearly not feeling that great. The only thing I said that she really understood was 'I love you Mum' and she said 'do you?'. I said ' of course I do and I will never forget you!' It was so sad I just needed to hug her and give her a drink as I could see she was thirsty. Next 15 min call booked in for next wednesday. How much longer can this cruelty go on?
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
714
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Had another FaceTime today @Bikerbeth , mum still in her room, and kept telling me that she was wanting to go to the lounge to chat to the others, but someone kept telling her she had to stay in her room. I tried to explain that everyone is in their room because of the virus and she said " but I'm lonely", broke my heart.
I looked on the list @Louise7 , and sadly for mum Derbyshire not on it, despite areas being tier 2 and 3 before lockdown, so don't know why they were missed off. Will be emailing to ask this question.
Sorry you didn't have a good video call @Kellyr , I listened to the debate today, Liz K in particular was brilliant, and great that she was supported by all the other MPs who spoke, but Helen W was usual nervous, waffle, telling us mostly what we already know has gone off.
Only good news was a date for the pilot study of November 16th, what took her so long? Then December rolled out to others ( if successful I suppose), and who knows how long it will take for us all to get these tests, am not hopeful well all have them for Christmas.
 

Lone Wolf

Registered User
Sep 20, 2020
94
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I was permitted a 15 minute conservatory window visit today, standing in the garden. Fortunately it did not rain. When they wheeled my loved one into the conservatory in her wheelchair, she stretched her arms out towards me with tears flowing on both sides of the window. Heartbreaking ...... I am still trying to put back together the remaining pieces of my broken heart.
 

Lone Wolf

Registered User
Sep 20, 2020
94
0
Yes, anxious annie, 9 months on compassion is needed more than ever but nowhere in sight. Some heart rending stories and pictures in the media in the last few days. And with all that we locked out care home visitors have already been through, we will have to deal with the stark declines of our loved ones when proper visiting resumes.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
714
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Feeling even more depressed that nothing is going to get sorted for Christmas @Lone Wolf , mum is isolating for a fortnight after a short hospital stay and can't understand why she has to stay in her room. The door isn't locked but she is still in solitary confinement. How can the home, council or Government think this right? She had a negative covid test, no case on the ward ahe was on, or staff who looked after her, yet still isolated, what's the point?
 

JamesA

New member
Dec 17, 2020
1
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To all those on the forum, thank you for what you have shared. in some small way it is comforting that so many have the same struggles. My mum has dementia, was in a care home with no visiting allowedsince June, then has taken covid which has had lasting effects, in hospital for 2 weeks with no visiting allowed. I applaud the staff, working under these pressures, but it is a nightmare with no end in sight...stay strong everyone
 

Lone Wolf

Registered User
Sep 20, 2020
94
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Yes JamesA, endless nightmare is an apt description. At least with normal nightmares you wake up and it is all over. I still have had no communication from my partner's nursing home re rapid covid tests and proper visiting and Xmas, despite Helen Whately saying in a coronavirus Social Care email update yesterday that -

"we have provided lateral flow testing devices to all care homes"





I am resigned to no proper visiting any time soon and to not being with my partner on Xmas Day for the first time in 35 years, which could very well be her last Xmas.
 

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
49
0
Yes JamesA, endless nightmare is an apt description. At least with normal nightmares you wake up and it is all over. I still have had no communication from my partner's nursing home re rapid covid tests and proper visiting and Xmas, despite Helen Whately saying in a coronavirus Social Care email update yesterday that -

"we have provided lateral flow testing devices to all care homes"





I am resigned to no proper visiting any time soon and to not being with my partner on Xmas Day for the first time in 35 years, which could very well be her last Xmas.
Hi Everyone... from what I read on the Campaign Groups, this lack of communication from the Care Homes is common. I wonder why? Is it because they don’t want to tell us the bad news? By not communicating they only have to deal with the persistent family members. They are avoiding any visits. They are too busy? My Mum’s been in a CH since February so I cant compare to the before and after, but the lack of information really annoys me, I like to know what’s going on. I’m visiting my Mum today, its her birthday, it was meant to be a LFT but the Home are not doing them, the reason for this hasn’t been explained so I’m guessing its a LA instruction, but it seems there is always a reason for ‘not visiting’. We have to wear full PPE and sit across a table from her. I’m tearful already, my Mum’s birthday and she’s locked in a Home and we are ‘allowed’ 30 minutes with her and Cannot hug her and just to make sure, there will be a Prison Warden on Guard! I HATE this! And back comes the guilt because I constantly wrack my brains to thing about bringing her out, which I probably do each and every day, but after seriously investigating this twice, I’ve had to let that one go, doesn’t stop the thinking though! Sad days, with no hope in sight.
 

Stacey sue

Registered User
Jan 24, 2020
92
0
Hi, I am in the same Nightmare!! My husbands home has just started indoor visits with a test full ppe .still can’t touch ,stay distanced with a carer beside him! These visits are the same as out door? 15mins.I am so frustrated with all of this. No news of vaccines in care homes in England? Why? When Scotland and Wales have started! I get the feeling they are just waiting for the Oxford vaccine,which probably won’t be untill January! I so wish I had not let my husband go into the home.
 

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
49
0
Hi, I am in the same Nightmare!! My husbands home has just started indoor visits with a test full ppe .still can’t touch ,stay distanced with a carer beside him! These visits are the same as out door? 15mins.I am so frustrated with all of this. No news of vaccines in care homes in England? Why? When Scotland and Wales have started! I get the feeling they are just waiting for the Oxford vaccine,which probably won’t be untill January! I so wish I had not let my husband go into the home.
That’s what I wish, that I had preserved with Care at our Home, but tbh when Mum first went into the Care Home, it was perfect for her, she had 24 hour care, companionship, full activities which she loved, friends like her plus the benefit of daily ad hoc family visits and a daily walk with me, and now??? It’s a living nightmare.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
649
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No tests have been provided for my mums home, I asked yesterday, unless they are lying to me!
They have just installed a pod and I’m having a visit on Christmas Eve. After a bit of a battle they have now agreed to count a support bubble as one household so my sister and I can go at the same time. The home are not really happy about this although as we will be totally sealed away from Mum, I don’t know why.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
714
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Tests were due to care homes by today @Lynmax . I have heard nothing from mum's home. Am driving 3 hours tomorrow for a closed window visit, using phone to chat. How any manager can think it ok for family members to stand out in the cold, I do not know. When I ask about a pod, the answer is along the lines of they're not sure if one is coming! At least you and your sister can go together, common sense, it shouldn't have taken a battle. I feel we're not getting much further now. The guidance is much better, but of course it isn't law and so many homes ignore it. Despite the lateral flow tests and advice from government they are safe with ppe etc, some councils are now saying don't use them. Media suggests we are all allowed inside and able to hug our loved ones, sadly not true as we know. Boris should make indoor contact visits law or it won't happen. Government and councils say the homes are private and they can't force them ? But they can force private shops, pubs etc to close, so what is the difference?
 

Kellyr

Registered User
Aug 8, 2020
146
0
Tests were due to care homes by today @Lynmax . I have heard nothing from mum's home. Am driving 3 hours tomorrow for a closed window visit, using phone to chat. How any manager can think it ok for family members to stand out in the cold, I do not know. When I ask about a pod, the answer is along the lines of they're not sure if one is coming! At least you and your sister can go together, common sense, it shouldn't have taken a battle. I feel we're not getting much further now. The guidance is much better, but of course it isn't law and so many homes ignore it. Despite the lateral flow tests and advice from government they are safe with ppe etc, some councils are now saying don't use them. Media suggests we are all allowed inside and able to hug our loved ones, sadly not true as we know. Boris should make indoor contact visits law or it won't happen. Government and councils say the homes are private and they can't force them ? But they can force private shops, pubs etc to close, so what is the difference?
Its so incredible @anxious annie that this is STILL continuing. It seems that all we fight for gets superseeded by another thing so first thing gets dropped! ...ie PCR tests/careworker status dumped in favour of LF tests. LF tests then superseded by vaccine announcement. Vaccines somewhere in the future, and anyway, not everyone will want or be able to take them. If I say anything to manager Im told everyone else is happy and thanking us for keeping their loved one covid safe. Guilt tripping you to make everything worse! No answers at this point as Im actually not keen on my Mum having this first vax in particular. Aarrrggg😡😡😡
 

Stacey sue

Registered User
Jan 24, 2020
92
0
I think this is cruel .!! Not so much for them but for us on the outside. I went for outside visit today 15 mins trying to chat to him on the phone with carer beside him ,I waffled on as usual what else can you do? I said to my husband I can’t wait until I can come in and give you a cuddle. The receptionist popped her head up and said you won’t be allowed to touch him🤬 .Not the first time she has said that!! I know the rules full well, and I am outside anyway and when I can go in he won’t remember!! and I certainly will. No empathy!!
 

Kellyr

Registered User
Aug 8, 2020
146
0
I think this is cruel .!! Not so much for them but for us on the outside. I went for outside visit today 15 mins trying to chat to him on the phone with carer beside him ,I waffled on as usual what else can you do? I said to my husband I can’t wait until I can come in and give you a cuddle. The receptionist popped her head up and said you won’t be allowed to touch him🤬 .Not the first time she has said that!! I know the rules full well, and I am outside anyway and when I can go in he won’t remember!! and I certainly will. No empathy!!
None whatsoever! The restrictions are bad enough but if delivered in an empathic way wouldnt be quite so bad. Sadly not all staff/managers possess empathy!
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
167
0
My dads nursing home have gone backwards with visiting. Tomorrow I have to stand outside while he is in the conservatory. Last time we were in the conservatory at 2m distance. He use to love Christmas so not being able to give him presents and see his face light up is going to be hard. I asked about Christmas Day ,maybe a video call but was told probably not. So disappointing for me but as he has deteriorated so much this yearI don’t suppose he will know. I was hoping to take some photos in ,to see if there’s any recognition of the family but I suppose I won’t be allowed to even do that. Ive also had 1 email from the manager since this all started. There’s just no communication unless I ring. I know they have had a hard time but it doesn’t take much to email. Thinking of you all going through this terrible time and let’s hope some sort of normality comes along soon.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
649
0
I’m hoping to take in some mince pies on my visit on Christmas Eve. Ideally I want the Carer to give one to mum on her side of the pod while me and my sister eat ours on our side. I’m not going to push my luck and take some brandy cream as well, Mum loves a bit on her mince pies! I thought if I take in my gifts for the careers at the same time, they might be willing to help!

I hate this artificial way of visiting but I know nothing else as Mum only went into her care home in April. It’s close enough for me to pop in whenever I want and has a lovely cafe area where residents and visits can go and have a drink and piece of cake any time, it would be great to do that with Mum.
 

Kellyr

Registered User
Aug 8, 2020
146
0
@Juliematch exactly as you say, visiting arrangements going backwards which seems to happen every time the Government relaxes the rules! No pro active contact from the home (which would make a massive difference) and nothing for xmas day as far as I know...feel for you