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Feel desperately unhappy and lonely.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by dales18, Apr 8, 2015.

  1. dales18

    dales18 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2014
    4
    skipton
    my partner has dementia and I feel he is nolonger the man I loved. I don't recognise him anymore and find it so hard . I can't relate to him anymore and seem to be constantly responding to his needs and I don't seem to matter only as a carer. My doctor has prescribed anti depressants which may help but all I feel like doing is crying all the time.I am being crushed by this disease and the future seems bleak.
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    Hi dales 18, welcome to TP
    Dealing with a partner with AZ if like me you're spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week doing it with nothing in the way of help and while I don't expect any recognition for doing what I do when you're not even getting recognised as being the husband (in my case) of the person you're caring for makes it a pretty lonely place.
    I went through the same thing with my mum before she die a couple of years ago so I kind of know what to expect, not that any 2 people are the same but it does follow a certain similar course.
    It is very difficult having to do everything when you only used to do half of everything and a pile more work on top and nothing back not even a thank-you.
    I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid I just keep busy to block the reality of the circumstances out and if that fails regrettably I admit a couple of Bacardi's.
    Hopefully other will be able to give you some more sound advise.
    Take care
    K
     
  3. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    Hi dales and welcome to TP :)

    I am sorry things are so bleak for you at the moment. Do you have any help in looking after your partner? Do you ever get a break? Caring can be such hard work, it is essential that you look after yourself too :)

    I wanted to reply to your post to welcome you, and I am sure that others will be along in the morning too.

    Take care :)

    Lindy xx
     
  4. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    Hi Dales18

    Welcome to TP ... You will see from this forum you are far from being alone. I notice you live not far from my own home and that of my Mum who has an OT from the mental health team. They have staff who actively try to get people out to social activities like singing groups. Is this something that would give you a break or can anyone offer you some respite? I'm not sure if there is a Carer's support group in Craven, would be worth a search.
    If you feel able to share a little more of your circumstances, you may find others have ideas about getting support but for now, I'm sorry you feel so low at the moment when it is hard to see anything getting better ...self care has got to be high on your priority list. Thinking of you
     
  5. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    A welcome from me too, dales. The apparent rejection of a carer is hard to bear. I too became my husband's worst enemy and can empathise with you entirely. Hope you find TP useful. We all share, sympathise and try to comfort each other when necessary. It's the place to turn to when there is no-one to talk to. We are a big family and totally non-judgmental so please feel free to cry on our shoulders you will get a big hug from us all. This probably offers you no comfort, but my OH is now in a CH, well and affectionately cared for. He welcomes me and I am no longer the butt of his fear and frustration, for I am convinced now that this deep seated terror of the future is part of the reason for the change in personality. Best wishes.
     
  6. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Hello Dales,

    I see you're a recent member of TP, so a mammoth welcome to you.

    This is the place to come for comfort, advice and friendship. I've been caring for my hubby for not far off six years, by now. Recognising him isn't a problem, but getting to grips with the disease is far harder. Handling it depends greatly on my mood at the time.

    Never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help with whatever issues you may come across. If you feel you're not being heard, there are many here who will help show you the ropes if you need it. I'm so sorry you're also having to deal with this.

    Keep in touch.
     
  7. leicester61

    leicester61 Registered User

    Aug 26, 2012
    146
    Leicestershire
    Dear Dales18
    I dont post very often (im more of a reader of posts/advice) but just to say welcome and that i am also in the same position as you, OH was diagnosed nearly 3 yrs ago aged 52 and just a couple of months ago it hit me with a sledge hammer that i am no longer the wife i was but now a carer, was in a very dark place for a while and couldnt see any positives at all. i love my OH very much and will care for him for however long i have to but i dont want to feel so desperate about it, so currently i make sure that i have some ' me time ' with the help of friends/family, its not a lot, maybe a few hrs every other wk end, plus im still able to work part time, but the biggest help ive recieved has been a councellor ( not for everyone i know) but it has enabled me to get rid of all my anger, despair, worry and stress at each session, often saying things i could never voice to others. i do understand how you feel about the future as i often feel the same. TP is a wonderful site to come onto and vent how you feel, its also amazing for advice and support too. So just wanted to say that really. Take care
    suzanne
     
  8. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Welcome Dales - like Leicester I found the one of the hardest parts of dementia to come to terms with was when "we" became "me" and "him". No longer a partnership as we had been for 42 years but just me looking after his needs without any recognition from him of what I was doing for him each day. Hardest of all was when my husband ceased to recognise me other than as a familiar face he was comfortable with. What can you do except try to accept dementia as just another illness which in its own way takes the person you have known and loved for years into another dimension. A sense of humour if possible and the acceptance that they are still the same person you fell in love with but suffering with a character and personality changing illness. All that said you must give yourself time and consideration by mustering as much help as you possibly can to enable you to carry on in the caring role.
     

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