Mum's had a fall in respite. She never falls at home, in the assessment unit she got a black eye. Now she has massive bruise on face.
What the bloody hell goes on in these places?????
Severely ****ed off.
Dear Magic, know how you feel, although it was hospital not respite with my mum. Not any ones fault they said, can't watch all the time etc. Why not? I did!! It really gets up your nose doesn't it? Is your mum OK, if she is going to be prone to falls, get hip protecters, not sure, but I think there is info on these in resources, if not get back to me and I will do my utmost to dig up some info. I was going to get these for my mum, but the rxxxy hospital not only let herfall 3 times in 5 days, they also messed her up completely and she never walked again before she passed away. I will never get over it. I feel really ****ed off for you, wish I could give you both a hug, can't, so am sending you love and strength instead, love, She. XX
Thanks for being so supportive Shiela, I really appreciate it. I'm so sorry about your mother. I know how angry and helpless you must have felt. There's no doubt respite has been a God send for dad and I, but at the same time it's the terrible guilt of not looking after her myself. She has also lost weight (which isn't surprising, the food's horrid!) I'm taking her home.
Have read about the hip protectors on this site before, thing is, this "fall" happened when she was in bed! As did the mysterious black eye at the assessment unit. She's "found" in the bedroom by a member of staff at night, almost a carbon copy story of the assessment unit last year. And, of course, everyone turns into Manuel, namely: "I know nothing!"
Now the family whom never bother, and whom were all annoyed at me taking respite after a collapse and meltdown myself, will be able to say with great glee, "I told you so!" when they see her wee bruised face.
Is it any wonder we carers keep going until we just can't do it anymore? Now I feel like a heel for taking the extended respite. You can't win!
Do the beds have cot sides on them? Am just wondering if she was moved incorrectly and hurt her face on the frame. Carole, our carer was telling me about all sorts of horror stories about elderly people developing mysterious bruising - mainly due to impatient and rough handling. It's so easy to do without sufficient care, since oldies have such fragile skin.
No Jude they were normal single beds in both places where she's received facial bruising. She's on no sleeping tablets, tranquillizers or dementia drugs at all, so it's not a drugged state she's stumbling about in. It just makes me mad because these things do not happen at home.
Sorry you had such a bad night last night with the oldies. Hope things get a little easier for you soon, you've had it really tough lately.
They shouldn't ever happen in respite care either.... especially not when so called 'professionals' are looking after loved ones. I'm not surprised that you are so angry. I would be furious too, it if was my mother.
Hi Magic, don't you dare feel guilty! These "other's" (we all have some) talk a lot but do little. If they did a bit more you wouldn't get so low, so don't you beat yourself up girl! The falls at night, could be because the room is strange to your mum, she may think she is in her room at home and accidentally bump into something that she was not expecting to be in the way if you know what I mean. Also, they do tend to be disorientated and wander more if they are in strange surroundings I found. Not, of course that any of that excuses the fall, it doesn't for a minute.
If you don't like the respite venue, see if you can try another, we did, the home that mum would have gone into if I could no longer cope didn't usually do respite, I weedled a week when they had a room spare, mum loved it and was really perky and cheeky to the boss man when I went to collect her. I would have tried to get her further respites there if things had been different, but it was not to be. I also requested a week at a different home through the social worker and that was booked but mum was already in hospital with a broken hip when it came round. You must have respite Magic, you will make things impossible for yourself if you don't get a break. Ask your local Alz Branch for recomendations in your area and ask other carers. Don't let the Bxxxxxs get to you! Love, She. xx
Thanks for the support She. Thing is this place is really nice and mum seems very happy there, she is always in good form and enjoys the company, the staff are friendly and attentive and it was the only place I felt comfortable to leave mum in. I looked around quite a few and they were dreadful, Hammer House of Horror stuff!
I'm still happy enough with the place to use it for respite, I am just so disappointed that mum has hurt herself. It's so hard to have faith in anyone really. At least they got a doctor and checked her out, the last crowd said it wasn't necessary, what a laugh, mum was so doped up back then no one would have known if it was necessary or not.
You just get so fed up, everything is one step forward and two steps back.
I'll be glad to get her home again to be honest.
Hi Magic, tell me about it! I was always more than ready for mum to come home, but I still had the breaks because I couldn't keep up the pace without. I did find though, after a few respites it got easier for all of us to accept it. Thing is, your mum does not feel the separation the way you do, she won't remember, it's you that feels the guilt, if she was OK I am sure she would say the same as my mum did about another family member, you need that break. It doesn't mean you don't care, or that you are failing in any way, it just means you are human not a machine. If your mum likes the home, the eating may improve with time and they will also be more aware of her needs and night wanders etc. Thinking of you. Love, She. XX
my wife is still at home and she developes bruises for no obvious reason.
Sheila made a good point elderly folk do get awkward and bump into things.
One of the problems is the change in their gait and also their eyesight.
I sometimes wonder if the drugs have some effect,not always a simple answer.
I've noticed quite recently that my father is developing a very pronounced 'shuffle'. He no longer picks up his feet when walking. Apparently it's one of the symptoms of AD, but I have no idea why that should be so. So far, their balance seems fairly good - but I am being very careful with them, especially now that we have the kitten.
Jude my mum has started "the Shuffle" I only noticed it last week in respite.
What a horrible bloody illness this is! And now to make me feel more guilty I have a picture in my head of mum shuffling to the old "Do the Hussle" music with disco lights. There is something radically wrong with my head!
I have also started to smuggle food parcels into respite, and while I'm doing that I hum the Hawaii 5 O theme, which makes me feel like "Dangerous Magic" . I suppose when we're leaving I'll be whistling the tune from The Great Escape.
Is anyone else accompanied by mental theme tunes to everything, or am I just teetering way too close to the edge? Maybe it's a way of coping, it sort of keeps me uplifted a bit and makes me focus on something else rather than the terrible pain that's constantly lurking.
I suppose you all think I'm mental now.
Does anyone else find themselves doing weird stuff too?
Funny you should mention all these musical themes.......!!!
I seem to dredge up all these golden oldies from way back just lately and make up new words to them as well - especially a lot of Gilbert and Sullivan, since my parents are so fond of these operas. Hymns seem to be feating quite a lot lately too, for some weird reason or other.
We must be having an ESP moment here. So far as I can tell, I'm not going entirely bonkers just yet, but my mind does wander into some very strange places....
I remembered a classic Tommy Cooper joke recently about when he went to the Doctor. He said, 'Doctor, I hurt in a lot of places'. The Doctor replied 'Well, don't go to those places then'.
I'm glad I'm not the only one being haunted by music. I was beginning to feel like a big eejit!
Loved Tommy Cooper Jude, my favourite joke was the one where he fell into a bowl of museli, the doctor asked him how it had happened, he said he'd been pulled in by a strong currant!
if you've got any more Tommy Cooper jokes - and I've got several dozen since he was my parent's favourite comedian - then we need to open a Tommy Cooper joke section on Tea Room immediately. I just loved him to bits. He was such a twit. I have never seen any other comedian who could come on stage and make people laugh just by standing there.... Wonderful man!
OK - I've set up a Tommy Cooper thread on Tea Room. I'll start it off - Magic can you repeat your muslei selection too?
Hi Magic, love it!! keep it up, it's a way of relieving the enormity of the illness and the stress you are experiencing. I used to think of the song of Vera Lynne's, "Little Sir Echo" when mum kept repeating things and I would be singing "Hello, hello, hello" in my head. When I was down, Dave Berry's Mama kept/keeps going round. Then of course, A Nightingale Sang in Berekley Square, really cuts me up as that was playing when she passed away and which is on the ads right now. I totally understand and I pictured your mum in her blue suede shoes, shuffling merrily. Then of course theres Do ya wanna dance by Cliff.... Love She. XX