I live at the opposite end of Britain from my elderly aunt, so I see her every few weeks, when I try to help her although it's very difficult. I am her only close relative. I am certain that she has dementia, but she also drinks quite heavily and is probably also depressed. She can be aggressive, and irrational as well as confused. It's so hard to persuade her that she needs any help, and then five minutes later, she's forgotten. She is unsteady on her feet even when sober, eats irregularly, isn't washing herself much, or doing any housework. She has lost almost all of her friends. She sits in one chair all day with the curtains shut if left to her own devices. Dodgy door-to-door salesman have taken advantage of her confusion to get her money.
Social services have been slow to help and with my aunts reluctance it took months to arrange some care. The social worker said that because she has some money she has to pay for any care. She isn't rich by the way, just comfortable. But she certainly couldn't afford more than an hour a day Monday to Friday, which is all that she's now getting, and she needs so much more. The carer leaves the house every time my aunt gets cross, saying that she doesn't have to put up with this abuse. That's even though the company claims to specialise in dementia care. Admittedly the drinking might also be contributing to the aggression.
The doctor rang my aunt eventually after I persuaded social services to call him - that took weeks. He said that she has competence and he can't intervene to get a diagnosis of dementia and check her general health, if she doesn't want it. It must have been a very good day if she sounded competent, but she can put on a good act for very short periods. I suspect that he thinks the problem is entirely alcohol, but I know that she is also confused when sober. And I know what she used to be like, and this isn't her. Now the doctor refuses to phone or visit again.
One day soon, she will be found dead or dying on the floor and they will all be delighted to wash their hands of her. I'm at my wit's end, remembering what she was like only a couple of years ago and banging my head against this brick wall. Has anyone got any advice about getting the doctor or social services to do something more?
Social services have been slow to help and with my aunts reluctance it took months to arrange some care. The social worker said that because she has some money she has to pay for any care. She isn't rich by the way, just comfortable. But she certainly couldn't afford more than an hour a day Monday to Friday, which is all that she's now getting, and she needs so much more. The carer leaves the house every time my aunt gets cross, saying that she doesn't have to put up with this abuse. That's even though the company claims to specialise in dementia care. Admittedly the drinking might also be contributing to the aggression.
The doctor rang my aunt eventually after I persuaded social services to call him - that took weeks. He said that she has competence and he can't intervene to get a diagnosis of dementia and check her general health, if she doesn't want it. It must have been a very good day if she sounded competent, but she can put on a good act for very short periods. I suspect that he thinks the problem is entirely alcohol, but I know that she is also confused when sober. And I know what she used to be like, and this isn't her. Now the doctor refuses to phone or visit again.
One day soon, she will be found dead or dying on the floor and they will all be delighted to wash their hands of her. I'm at my wit's end, remembering what she was like only a couple of years ago and banging my head against this brick wall. Has anyone got any advice about getting the doctor or social services to do something more?