Early diagnosis

[Mo27]

Hello, my husband aged 79 has had assessments and under gone a brain scan. We have a face to face appointment with the memory clinic next Friday to discuss the results, It can only mean one thing!!. Although he knows his memory is deteriorating he is adamant he does not have dementia. I am dreading sitting there with him when he is told the news, I'm sure others have been in the same situation and any advice would be very welcome.
Thankyou.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Mo27 I`m so sorry you have reached this situation.

When my husband was diagnosed the consultant was most considerate and didn`t mention the word dementia. Instead he told my husband he would prescribe Donepezil/Aricept to help him.

The minute I heard the word Aricept I knew what the diagnosis was and was grateful for the consultant`s sensitivity.

Could you contact the consultant`s secretary and ask for something similar?

 

[yoy]

What a great idea Grannie G. It seems common for pwd's to think there is nothing wrong with them. A sensitive consultant is worth their weight in gold, and would help in leaving them with a feeling of support rather than fear I think.

 

[canary]

When mum was diagnosed she was told the diagnosis, but she came out of the consulting room convinced that the doctor had told her that there was nothing wrong with her. I started off trying to tell her that the doctor had said that she Alzheimers, but it made her very angry, so I stopped. I just used to talk about her "bad memory" after that, which mum was happy with

 

[scotlass]

my oh 's the same...he had a scan and had to see the consultant for the result...she told him it was alzheimers...and explained what the scan showed,,,,but he never mentions alzheimers or dementia....he just says his memory is getting bad...he asks what he takes donepezil for,,I just say it's for your memory...

 

[sheepfield]

Thinking of you. I'm at a delicate stage with my mother in law. She says that she feels muddled and has consented to a referral to the memory clinic by her GP. I wonder if she's dreading being told if she has some kind of dementia or how she will react if she gets a diagnosis. She might not remember what she has been diagnosed with, she forgot what she had been told in her audiology appointment before we were even out of the hospital.
So hopefully any shock or fear at the mention of the diagnosis will dissipate and you'll be able to use your own terminology that isn't distressing.
I've such a lot to learn about communicating with someone with memory issues.

 

[Mo27]

Welcome @Mo27 I`m so sorry you have reached this situation.

When my husband was diagnosed the consultant was most considerate and didn`t mention the word dementia. Instead he told my husband he would prescribe Donepezil/Aricept to help him.

The minute I heard the word Aricept I knew what the diagnosis was and was grateful for the consultant`s sensitivity.

Could you contact the consultant`s secretary and ask for something similar?

Thank you, his appointment is with the memory assessment clinic I suppose the next step will be with a consultant if necessary.

 

[Mo27]

Thinking of you. I'm at a delicate stage with my mother in law. She says that she feels muddled and has consented to a referral to the memory clinic by her GP. I wonder if she's dreading being told if she has some kind of dementia or how she will react if she gets a diagnosis. She might not remember what she has been diagnosed with, she forgot what she had been told in her audiology appointment before we were even out of the hospital.
So hopefully any shock or fear at the mention of the diagnosis will dissipate and you'll be able to use your own terminology that isn't distressing.
I've such a lot to learn about communicating with someone with memory issues.

Hello, thank you for your reply. He thinks its just an age thing where he forgets things but i know its more than that, I can see a little change in him everyday. He is becoming very argumentative over the smallest of things, and the saddest thing is he talks about his childhood all the time "i have heard the stores 100's of times" but i still listen, but never talks about the 45yrs we have been together. It's going to be hard but now at least i have somewhere where i can talk to others going through the same thing. I wish you well.

 

[scotlass]

My O H says he doesn't remember our wedding day, and that was very hard to hear .

 

[Pebblepebble]

Hello, thank you for your reply. He thinks its just an age thing where he forgets things but i know its more than that, I can see a little change in him everyday. He is becoming very argumentative over the smallest of things, and the saddest thing is he talks about his childhood all the time "i have heard the stores 100's of times" but i still listen, but never talks about the 45yrs we have been together. It's going to be hard but now at least i have somewhere where i can talk to others going through the same thing. I wish you well.

My Mum will insist on telling people the name of their cat they had as a child which today is an offensive term. Even when I try and shut her down she still carries on. She has no filter any more. She also thinks she is forgetful due to age.

 

[Mo27]

The diagnosis was Alzheimers and vascular dementia. It's been 3 weeks since diagnosis and so far haven't heard from them. He hasn't spoken about the diagnosis, I'm not sure whether to talk to him about it or wait until we have spoken to the support nurse. I was informed this may take a few months. Any help would be grateful received.
Thank you,
Alan.

 

[Grannie G]

I wouldn’t introduce a discussion about a diagnosis unless the person with dementia seems troubled.

My husband went along with depression and memory loss until one day many months or even more than a year after diagnosis he asked what was wrong with him. I told him he had Alzheimer’s. He was quiet , then decided he would cure himself and I went along with whatever he wanted to do. It was diet related and herbal remedies. It lasted a short while and slowly faded.

 

[UncleZen]

When the dr broke the news to my wife it was basically.
The scans show you have Alzhiemers....short pause....how do you feel about that.
His patient skills were non existent.

 

[Grannie G]

Heartless @UncleZen

How is anyone expected to feel ?

 

[sheepfield]

It's good to hear others' experiences though my mother in law's memory clinic appointment is many months off.
It's a completely different condition but I have tinnitus and when I went to my GP many years ago to see if anything could be done for relief he just said no, I'm really sorry that this has happened to you.
At least I understand what's happening to me, my mother in law seems confused about why she is so muddled and tired.
I'm sorry that you had this experience @UncleZen
A focus on support sounds like a much better approach. I don't think that anyone has mentioned the D word to my mother in law (yet) she just thinks her symptoms are down to old age.