Driving - somebody must decide

[Grandma P]

How I wish somebody would step in and sort out the driving issue.
It is something Bill and I row about.
Bill drives and cannot see that there will come a point when he will not be able to and refuses to see that the moment might be soon.
Or it might not be soon.
He is a very capable driver - he can manouevre the car. (Hell just found a word I can't spell!)
But he is driving too fast. Last Sunday he had a spell of driving at 85 mph on a road with traffic and I deemed this to be very unsuitable. I worry about his reactions to unforeseen incidents.
I normally have to remind him where he needs to go at junctions and roundabouts.
I have informed the DVLA that he has been diagnosed with dementia.
I have suggested that he has an driving assessment test.
Maybe the DVLA should stop him now until he has an assessment.
No doctor can decide this really - they only know the diagnosis not his driving skills.
I can drive and do drive when I am out alone - but Bill refuses to let me drive if he is coming out too.
How has this been for others?
Hope you are having a good week......I tend to lose my cool on Wednesdays; I wonder why.
Love to all from Grandma P.

 

[Izzy]

I would think that now you've informed the DVLA there's not much you can do until they decide if he needs an assessment.

I suppose I was fortunate in that Bill wasn't bothered about stopping driving. He wasn't if free an assessment. Once I had filled in the form on his behalf we were just told to return his licence. I know others on the forum have a variety of experiences in relation to this.

 

[helly71]

I worry that it will be an unforeseen incident that makes him stop driving. X

 

[grove]

Oh Grandma P , I am sorry for your ( what ever ...... sorry not able to think of the right word ! ) ..........Sounds to me you are playing *Piggy -in -the - Middle* between the High Way Code etc & your Husband ........sorry hope that does not cause offence & have every sympathy for you & with you


Your first words struck a chord with me : Quote

*How I wish somebody would step in & sort out the driving Issue * ....... I think that was how Mum felt & she passed the *buck * onto me ( she thought Dad was safe to Drive a Holiday Hire Car He was NOT ) But of course what works for one family might not work for you & your Husband plus Dad was on the next stage along from your Husband in reasoning etc so was happy for Mum to do all the driving etc ..... Sorry am taking over your Thread !


In a small way agree with Helly ( post 3 ) but lots of strong vibes that it does not get to that stage


Sorry have not been very helpful & lots of strong vibes another T P 'er will be able to offer some good advice as am sure they will


Much Love & Kind thoughts ( & thinking of you both )


Grove x x

 

[Badietta]

There's a NeuroPsych test which is specifically for this which you might want to follow up. Mine passed 100%, but can't negotiate his way out of a paper bag and, luckily, has lost his confidence so won't drive any more, for which I'm entirely grateful.

Badietta

 

[Grandma P]

Oh Grandma P , I am sorry for your ( what ever ...... sorry not able to think of the right word ! ) ..........Sounds to me you are playing *Piggy -in -the - Middle* between the High Way Code etc & your Husband ........sorry hope that does not cause offence & have every sympathy for you & with you


Your first words struck a chord with me : Quote

*How I wish somebody would step in & sort out the driving Issue * ....... I think that was how Mum felt & she passed the *buck * onto me ( she thought Dad was safe to Drive a Holiday Hire Car He was NOT ) But of course what works for one family might not work for you & your Husband plus Dad was on the next stage along from your Husband in reasoning etc so was happy for Mum to do all the driving etc ..... Sorry am taking over your Thread !


In a small way agree with Helly ( post 3 ) but lots of strong vibes that it does not get to that stage


Sorry have not been very helpful & lots of strong vibes another T P 'er will be able to offer some good advice as am sure they will


Much Love & Kind thoughts ( & thinking of you both )


Grove x x

Hello Grove......actually you have been helpful! I just like to think of us all as muddling through!
Life is a muddle!
If I had my way I would refuse to let Bill drive until he has been assessed. But he won't listen.
His dementia (frontal temporal lobe dementia) is not the same as AD. His spatial awareness is really good. There are things he is good at, but much behaviour - the compulsive noise making drags me down.
Now I am rambling!
Oh hell I am fed up with his dementia being my constant companion and ways to deal with it my constant thinking.
It's hard tonight to think that life could be like this for some years.
Never mind - one day at a time and tomorrow is another day.
Thanks for responding......
Love Grandma P.

 

[Grandma P]

There's a NeuroPsych test which is specifically for this which you might want to follow up. Mine passed 100%, but can't negotiate his way out of a paper bag and, luckily, has lost his confidence so won't drive any more, for which I'm entirely grateful.

Badietta

Thanks Badietta,
Our prescribing nurse is sorting out an appointment with a neuropsych person.
Maybe that will lead to the test you mentioned.
There will be more testing to help me come to terms with his FTD - front temporal lobe dementia. I don't think Bill will be able to alter his behaviour however much the neuro person talks to him. There are two things controlling him - one is a failing brain and the other is my brain! Tonight my brain feels like it has been put through a mangle.
Looking forward to a new day - ever hopeful that it will feel pleasant.
Love Grandma P.

 

[Grandma P]

I worry that it will be an unforeseen incident that makes him stop driving. X

Hi helly......so far there have been very few episodes to worry about.
Hopefully he will get an official ban before anything bad happens.

Love, Grandma P>

 

[trigger]

Leave it to the Professionals
Driver & Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) assessments
Depending upon your personal circumstances, the DVLA may instigate an assessment.
We would receive a referral from the DVLA requesting that arrangements be made for you to have a driving assessment.
The only differences with a DVLA referred assessment are as follows:
• The DVLA cover the cost of the assessment.
• You will not receive a copy of the assessment report.
• The DVLA, depending upon our recommendations once the assessment is complete, have the option of revoking your driving licence.
• If you refuse to have an assessment that has been requested by the DVLA this may result in the revocation of your licence.
For further information regarding the DVLA please visit their website www.dvla.gov.uk

 

[velo70]

Driving

It was resolved by the DVLA in our case. When my wife completed her renewal application,. the DVLA responded with a letter saying her application must be supported by her GP. In the event, the GP was not happy to offer a letter of support because of wife's diagnosis of early onset dementia. So no licence renewal. I would also wonder at the Insurers response if the illness is disclosed.

 

[Countryboy]

[. I would also wonder at the Insurers response if the illness is disclosed.[/QUOTE]

Hi Velo70 I can answer your question re: Insurance , I have been driving for 15 years with a diagnoses of dementia the only information the Insurance companies want to know is (a) if you have a dvla medical driving license (b) is it for 1, 2, or 3 years there not interested in you're medical condition as I said been doing it for 15 years

Tony

 

[grove]

Hello Grove......actually you have been helpful! I just like to think of us all as muddling through!
Life is a muddle!
If I had my way I would refuse to let Bill drive until he has been assessed. But he won't listen.
His dementia (frontal temporal lobe dementia) is not the same as AD. His spatial awareness is really good. There are things he is good at, but much behaviour - the compulsive noise making drags me down.
Now I am rambling!
Oh hell I am fed up with his dementia being my constant companion and ways to deal with it my constant thinking.
It's hard tonight to think that life could be like this for some years.
Never mind - one day at a time and tomorrow is another day.
Thanks for responding......
Love Grandma P.

Hello Grandma P , Am pleased you found my post helpful ( tho how it was ? ) Yes have heard of F T L Dementia via T P & sorry Dad has mixed Dementia ( think that is what the Consultant / Mum said ) Can I also point out Dad was happy to let Mum do all the Driving AFTER Dad 's had * a STERN Word * with both Parents ( I had asked her as Mum would not have listen to my older Sister or me on the matter ) Looking back on it & also learning from T P think the G P *made her own rules ? * & told Dad not to Drive till the next M Clinic Appt / Consultant & then apply for a Re Test But yes can understand what you say about your Husband & its not the same as A D & agree with you ( when Dad was asking me for a reason etc about his Driving & why he had to stop ( Mum passed the buck again & Dad KNEW it was all my fault & all I had to do was mention the word *Police * in realation to his unsafe driving & Dad said really ? etc & then said sorry to me for making me worried ...... So in a way guess it made things easier for me that he understood a little etc but not enough to carry on driving


Am more than happy to respond as its a very hard problem to deal with in a agreeable manner for all parties & I feel each person / couple / family has to cope / deal with it in their own way ....... When my friend had to sell her Mum's house ( J has Vas D ) my friend sold J 's Car pronto ( sadly J 's Husband had passed away years before J became ill ) J moved in with my friend


Yes you are quite right to take 1 day at a time that is what K our family Support Worker advised me to do

Thinking of you both & wishing you both a good day tomorrow


Love Grove x x

 

[Grandma P]

[. I would also wonder at the Insurers response if the illness is disclosed.

Hi Velo70 I can answer your question re: Insurance , I have been driving for 15 years with a diagnoses of dementia the only information the Insurance companies want to know is (a) if you have a dvla medical driving license (b) is it for 1, 2, or 3 years there not interested in you're medical condition as I said been doing it for 15 years

Tony[/QUOTE]

Hello Tony....oh that would please Bill - knowing that you have been driving for 15 years.
I am sure he can carry on safely for a long time yet.
I just feel uneasy in case I get it wrong.
Or do I just feel uneasy because Bill seems to have control in this matter?
I did phone our insurance company. A girl asked me if a doctor had said he shouldn't drive and the answer to that was "No". She then said that he is still covered. I might ring again and no doubt get another's opinion.
Thanks for your comments,
Grandma P.

 

[velo70]

Hi Tony,

[. I would also wonder at the Insurers response if the illness is disclosed.

Hi Velo70 I can answer your question re: Insurance , I have been driving for 15 years with a diagnoses of dementia the only information the Insurance companies want to know is (a) if you have a dvla medical driving license (b) is it for 1, 2, or 3 years there not interested in you're medical condition as I said been doing it for 15 years

Tony[/QUOTE]
That is interesting to us. Would hate to have a shunt, and find something in the small print, that left us high n dry.

 

[Grandma P]

It was resolved by the DVLA in our case. When my wife completed her renewal application,. the DVLA responded with a letter saying her application must be supported by her GP. In the event, the GP was not happy to offer a letter of support because of wife's diagnosis of early onset dementia. So no licence renewal. I would also wonder at the Insurers response if the illness is disclosed.

Hello Velo. I am guessing that there is hardly a GP in the land who would confidently say a dementia patient is safe to drive. Too risky - one small accident and maybe the doctor could be sued.
I will double check with the insurance company.
Thanks for your comment,
Grandma P.

 

[Grandma P]

Leave it to the Professionals
Driver & Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) assessments
Depending upon your personal circumstances, the DVLA may instigate an assessment.
We would receive a referral from the DVLA requesting that arrangements be made for you to have a driving assessment.
The only differences with a DVLA referred assessment are as follows:
• The DVLA cover the cost of the assessment.
• You will not receive a copy of the assessment report.
• The DVLA, depending upon our recommendations once the assessment is complete, have the option of revoking your driving licence.
• If you refuse to have an assessment that has been requested by the DVLA this may result in the revocation of your licence.


For further information regarding the DVLA please visit their website www.dvla.gov.uk

Oh thank you trigger - facts! Just what I needed. As I have sent the forms to the DVLA I can assume that some such instructions will come to us before long. What will be, will be.
Grandma P.

 

[velo70]

Driving

Hi again. A couple of weeks back, on a large showground, I got my wife to sit behind the wheel, and she was able to drive the car and manoeuvre quite competently. The problem was when a number of vehicles converged, which caused indecision, so she rightly just stopped the car. Have also asked her to identify road signs as we passed them, some of which she was able to do. The rota of traffic light colours was also a mystery. So in an actual driving on the road experience, I don't think would be safe to go along with. I don't care about the car, but I wouldn't wish my dear OH to harm either herself, or others. So I am happy to do the driving. O H would still be a better driver than many I see on Devon roads. But, unfortunately for my gal, driving days are over. Incidentally, she drove for 40 odd years, many miles even towing a caravan, without a blemish. But good luck anyone who continues to drive, even with this scourge of A/D.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

An informal driving assessment

My husband has just done an informal, voluntary driving assessment, which I've described on another thread, THE ANNUAL BATTLE OF THE DRIVING LICENCE.
He's more sure than the rest of the family that his driving is as good as ever, so this is a way to get an independent expert view. If he's going to have to give up driving, he'd need to accept that the process was unbiased.

 

[Bree]

My OH was told by the mental health doctor that he must not drive anymore. Surely it is better for a professional to tell him, no more driving, than maybe risk an accident. What about his insurers ? are they aware of his condition ?

 

[Saffie]

My husband's GP comtacted the DVLA without our knowledge and within a day or so, my husband received a letter asking him to return his licence within a week.