1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Hello every one

    Don`t know what to do about Mum. She seemed to be very depressed so we went to the doctors ( it was so funny I`d written down all mums symptoms to give to the Dr .....he looked at the list read it and then laughed I`d only given him my shopping list and the first item on there was would you believe " magic knickers ), any how Mum is really depressed and has been prescribed anti -depressants however within 2 days of taking them she has sunk so low I don`t know what to do .

    She is not getting up on a morning I don`t think she is eating and I don`t know what to do . The Dr says the tablets will take 2 weeks to start making a difference but quite frankly the depression has now over taken the Altzeimers in terms of how worried I am.

    Has anyone else seen this happen I don`t know if this is part of the disease all I know is that mum seems to have lost the will to live and I don`t know how to help her and I love her so much and I can`t help her.

    I`m sorry I`ve not been around much in the last few days but have still been thinking of you all .

    Love Jeanie X X
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    #2 jenniferpa, Jun 24, 2007
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2007
    Sometimes, unfortunately, anti-depressants will make the depression worse for a short period of time: I have no idea why, but it's a known side-effect, and I have personally experienced it. In my case it took about a week before I got back to the point where I was before I started the anti-depressants and from then on things improved. It may take time.

    Regards

    Jennifer

    P.S. WARNING!! If the depression is now so bad that she is potentially suicidal you should get her back to the GP ASAP: I felt suicidal but I knew it was the meds, so was able to "tough" it out, but your mother may not be able to make that connection. If I had thought that I was going to feel like that forever, I don't know what I would have done.
     
  3. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Jennifer thankyou .

    I didn`t realise that this could happen. The difference between starting the tablets and ,now is quite astounding mum has gone down so fast so you have given me some light at the end of the tunnel.

    Jeanie x
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,719
    Kent
    #4 Grannie G, Jun 24, 2007
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2007
    Hi Jeanie,

    I know just what you mean when you say the depression seems to have taken over from the Alzheimers.

    Somehow, the Alzheimers is more understandable, but the depression drags you down with it.

    Do you think your mother might be so depressed because she knows what`s happening to her. It`s a terrible diagnosis, and for those who have some understanding of what it is, it`s a life sentence.

    I know the anti-depressants do take a while to `kick in` and it`s terrible waiting for them to work.

    I don`t know whether it`s a part of the disease or not. It`s a bit of a chicken and egg situation. But if I had Alzheimers, I`m sure I`d be depressed too.

    When my husband gets like this he seems to build a wall around him and I can`t get near. Sometimes are better than others, but we are increasing the dosage of his anti-depressants now, because he gets so low, he doesn`t want to live.

    I can`t offer you any way of helping your mum, other than the only way you know, which is to show her how much you love her, and help her as much as possible. It doesn`t seem to work with my husband. he knows I love him and he knows how upset I am to see him like this, but it doesn`t take the depression away.

    I hope the tablets begin to work soon, for your mum.

    Love xx
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Sylvia: I just wanted to say (and I know you know this) that for a depressed person, knowing you're loved and cared for makes not a blind bit of difference to how you feel, if you even notice (which you may not). Actually, even if you have the capacity to think about the reasons for your depression, your life situation may make you feel worse as in "I have a family that loves me, a home, enough money and I STILL feel depressed? I must be a totally worthless person". When the black beast comes calling there IS no bright side. Difficult as it is to live as a depressive it is far worse for the people on the outside looking in.

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,719
    Kent
    Oh Jennifer, don`t I know it.

    The latest from Dhiren is it`s not fair I should be affected by his depression too, so that`s why it`d be better if he went away.

    He also feels worthless. Why do you feel worthless when you are intelligent enough to know depression is a condition outside your control, and unaffected or influenced by any amount of love and security you might have in your life?

    Take care

    Love xx
     
  7. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Hello Sylvia

    When we went to the Dr`s we filled out a questionaire and mum scored really high in terms of how depressed she felt and the last question he asked ( with apologies ) was would she rather be dead....she was horrified but when we talk about this ,part of her seems to have the will to live and another part of her would seem to want to just fade away.......how much of this is self awareness and how much is intent I do not know.

    I just know that sometimes a line is drawn and that I can " bully " her into coming to spend a few hours with us ( not really but you know what I mean ) but other times ( especially with the depression I can`t push the boundries`cos this is a whole different ball game ).

    Do I just leave her be and hope the tablets kick in when they should .

    Hope things are better at home for you.

    Love Jeanie xx
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,719
    Kent
    Hi Jeanie, Things aren`t much better, but we just have to get on with it.

    The GP also asked Dhiren if he`d rather be dead and he said he would, but he hasn`t the guts to do anything about it. [his words, not mine]

    He still eats well though and helps himself to food when he`s hungry, even though he has phases when he refuses medication.

    It`s less pleasant to be hungry than not have a pill. For the time being, at least.

    Love xx
     
  9. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Jennifer you have such insight ,my mum today said she did have much to live for but I could tell she was just going through the motions when she cited me and Danny and the chidren, it didn`t seem to carry any weight and she was saying what she thought she ought to say.

    Sylvia

    Forgive me ,I maybe shouldn`t say this but even in our brief friendship because I feel a real connection with you I sense a shift in the tides of yours and Dhirens lives and if I can help in any way ( though God knows how please let me know )

    So sorry if I`m wrong and speaking out of turn. Forgive me.

    And please God lets pray for a return to last weeks silliness and a bit of light relief!

    Lots of love Jeanie x x
     
  10. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    I'm not sure if this a rhetorical question but the short answer is when I'm medicated I don't. All bets are off though when depression hits. Personally the worst thing I think to say to a depressed person is "count your blessings" or words to that effect. It's been said to me, and it actually makes me more depressed. Why wouldn't it? After all if there are people worse off than me, and I feel like that, how depressing is that? Being rational and being depressed are two mutually exclusive states I've found, and I don't have any other illness to contend with. My personal response to depression is to want to crawl off somewhere and never wake up: not suicidal (except as mentioned before) but life is too much, well, everything. Trouble, loud, upsetting, you name it.

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  11. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Hi Jennifer I`m sorry I`m butting into your responses to Sylvia

    But you are right as far as I can see. Yesterday in the midst of mums depression she said to me "but at least I can still walk " to which I replied yeah ok everyone says count your blessings but in the scheme of things it really doesn`t make you feel any better and as much as we are sorry for everything that everyone else is going through you can really only identify with whatever touches your life.

    Jeanie x
     
  12. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Hey it's your thread: I'm the one doing the butting :D

    You know, if she can see any silver in the cloud, the situation isn't totally hopeless. I would be responding with "yes you CAN, and that's really great" and leaving it at that I think.

    Take care

    Jennifer
     
  13. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Hey Jennifer

    Normally I`m such a silver lining person ( Danny actually calls me his little silver lining ) but maybe with mum I`m not reacting true to form but you`re right I should be praising ( maybe not the right word but can`t think of anything better )any positive she comes up with even if its said in a negative way.

    This whole thing is a potential minefield thank god for the guidence and support that everyone brings to TP.

    Jeanie x
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,719
    Kent
    It is a minefield, because with Dhiren, the depression seems to come in pockets.

    When he is depressed, he can`t be reached.

    When it lifts, unfortunately for very short periods, he does count his blessings, but because he has Alzheimers, his blessings are not solid.

    It`s heartbreaking to hear him say he has his health and strength, or at least he hasn`t got cancer, and these are the philosophies he comes up with.

    Jeanie, you don`t speak out of turn. :) I really appreciate your support.

    Love to you both, Jennifer and Jeannie. xx Jennifer, keep taking the tablets.:cool:
     
  15. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Sitting here feeling so close to tears for all of you, battling with depression, be it on your own account or someone you love.

    Lionel, when he was coming out of one of his deppresive periods would say "well at least it doesn't hurt" meaning physically. Or " we will always have each other", but during the black moods never even realised that there was any other.

    His capacity to empathise was gone. I would always try holding his hand, if he let me there was still a little bit of himself. If he pulled even his hand away from mine I knew he was in the grip of despair.

    Sending hugs to you all, think you need some.
     
  16. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    I could never truly understand depression until dementia broke through the door.

    Then I could understand it from my Jan's descent into it [depression was one initial diagnosis].

    ... and my own experience as a result of Jan's dementia decline.:(

    I've added depression to my existing list:

    People say they have 'flu when they have a cold

    People say they have a migraine when they have a headache

    People say their back is killing them, yet they can still stand and walk and pull on socks..

    and ...

    People say they are depressed when they look out of the window and see clouds



    ... i believe most people here on TP know what depression is....
     
  17. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Danny has just phoned to say mum appears to have stopped eating, he was doing his daily meals on wheels run and she hasn`t touched either the food we bought or the food we sent Saturday.

    This morning though she sounded a tiny bit brighter and Danny felt the same when he saw her so maybe these small steps mean she`s emerging from that "gets worse before it gets better phase ".

    I guess the eating or lack of it has been going on to this degree for about 3 days although she didn`t have much of an appetite before she actually seems repulsed by the thought of food .........I think she`s drinking enough though the problem is of course that when we ask her if she`s eating or drinking her response is that she can`t remember but she`s sure she must be cos she can walk about ! I asked her if she feels weak or dizzy and she says not so I guess all we can do is watch her very closely for any signs of deterioration.

    Funnily enough she seems less confused ( maybe due to the Aricept ) and certainly isn`t ringing all the time with the same questions. I`d like to think this means she`s not as anxious but fear its apathy due to the depression.

    I`m very grateful for your support.

    Jeanie x x
     
  18. ROSEANN

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    909
    staffordshire
    Depression

    Hi Jeanie
    Just saw your post and it brought back memories of when my husband had bad depression.
    He was treated for depression for several years before they decided he had Alzhiemers and he still takes a low dose of his antidepressants. when he first went on his tablets they took three weeks to start working but then he stared to improve so much a locum doctor said he had SAD the seasonal disorder and took him off them, when he started to be ill again in a very short time [we now know it was AD ] they put him on a cheaper drug with the result it did not suit him and he became suicidal and we had the worst three months of our lives until they put him back on the original drug which worked for him.
    When he was told he had AD he was put on Aricept and it took about a month before we saw an improvement and he was fine for about nine months when he stared to be very depressed again saying he felt dizzy, sick and generally unwell also off his food
    These symtoms reminded me of when I was aneamic so I when to the chemist and got a low dose of iron tablets and gave them to him for a month with excellant results. so it might be something to ask the doctor to check for if you go again.
    Sorry to be so long winded but wanted to give you abit of my background, hope it helps.
    Take care Roseann
     
  19. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Jeannie, Sylvia, Jennifer, sorry I missed your discussion last night. Too late to contribute anything now except hugs to you all.

    Jeannie, I'm glad things are a bit brighter this morning.

    Love to all,
     

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  20. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    same feeling

    Hiya
    Ive not been on for a while either, infact i do feel bad as i havent spoken to my friend this week as ive had exams so my mums phoned and visited without me. I know exactly what you mean, my friend was given anti depressents but he doesnt seem to be taking them and he has totally lost all his confidence to go out and do things. he doesnt eat anymore either the other day he told us he only wanted one small new potato for his dinner and refused ot eat anyhting else.

    He has also started accusing us of stealing his things, it feels so terrible because i know we havent ad we onyl try to help but i feel that sometimes some of the social workers just think that its us making everything up and there is nothing the matter with him. They told us they have closed the case as he has told them he can manage by himself - i know this isnt true, me and my mum have been doing the cleaning cooking and shopping for him but we know that if we dont do it somethign terrible could happen and we would be responsible.

    thanks for reading, and dont give up you are not the only one in this position i totally understand what you mean- we go through the same too
    lauren xxx:)
     

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