Do you even care?

[Scarlett123]

I switch the news on, and listen with half an ear, and realised today that I just don't care about E-bola, ISIS, either the terrorist group or the Downton Abbey's dog, whether the Labour/Conservative/LibDems or UKIP parties are doing well or not.

I don't care if umpteen more people are in debt, or have jobs, or if fuel is going up - let's face it, it doesn't go down - and whether Kate and William have another boy, or a girl this time. I don't care who wins Strictly or X Factor or endless cookery competitions.

I have become immune to the many adverts to send money all over the world, though find I have to change the channel when the donkey advert is on. I don't care if Tesco have fiddled the books, or a Z list actress has had botox, or whether we have a change of government next year.

I have become selfish, only thinking how things affect me, and this is not my usual character. Having said all that, I like being asked to help others fill in forms, and am always interested in the ups and downs of fellow TPers.

And all I'm caring about now is what I shall say to John when I visit tomorrow. Am I alone in thinking like this, and a thoroughly selfish person?

 

[jenniferpa]

I think it's entirely reasonable/normal whatever. In fact a lot of these things are things you simply can't have any input to. You can worry about Ebola but frankly, what can you do? So you focus on those things you can have some input to.

Honestly, I think most people are like this, with or without caring responsibilities. Not selfish at all, or if you are, it's only in the truest sense of the word: you are concerned with your own self.

 

[Not so Rosy]

I suppose I do care about most things or at least take notice. I couldn't even click on the dog stories yesterday, I sleep badly as it is, still not hit the sheets yet.

Politics, nope, my days of interest are pretty much over. I am one of those people who always seems to slip through the net. I am never in a position to gain from any tax tweaks or state help, neither have I ever been in a privileged position to be able to dodge taxes.

I do take huge pleasure over daft programmes like Strictly. They take me to a happy place for a couple of hours and sometimes if I am lucky I can forget about my Dad and other things that have happened to me over the past few years, even if just for a short while.

I think being able to switch off, even if it's only for a bit keeps me sane and I try to start each day with a clean slate.

 

[Grey Lad]

Am I Bothered?

Hi Scarlett123 thank you for your honesty and opening such an important discussion. How can we have the time or energy to concern ourselves with things that are outside our control? We have reached a time in our lives when there is one thing we have to care about; our loved ones. They have to be the centre of our lives. Each day I wake up, or lay awake thinking about how I can improve things or just get through another day.

This morning I wonder if it is necessary to get my wife to the doctors. She is worrying about the tingling in her leg and foot again; thinking it could be the sign of another stroke. It is one thing me reminding her that it is the result of stroke, rather than another worrying signal but I am not lying awake thinking about it for hours. This has to be my focus this morning; like you Scarlett I just don't have the capacity to worry about what else is happening in the world!

 

[LYN T]

Hi Scarlett-yes I do care (but can't do much) but I care for my Husband more. He is my Focus. Gone are the days when we were political animals and went on anti-war marches, campaigned for the abolition of world debt and were active members of Amnesty International.

One reason is that, on a day to day basis, I have no-one to talk to about these things on a daily basis.

My world has become more narrow. As Pete's ability to think and reason diminished mine did too as far as world events go.

Love

Lyn T

 

[Izzy]

Scarlett I can totally understand what you're saying. I think it isn't selfish. I think you have no choice but for your husband to be the centre of your world and that your energy is inevitably going to go into your world with him.

 

[pamann]

Yes scarlett l feel the same as you my world just revolves around my husband, and two sons plus one grandson, l try to read the papers to try and keep up with the news, but that is almost impossible these days, facing another day is traumatic, husband been up since 3am just had his 3rd shower and 2 shaves keeps him busy.♥♥♥

Sent from my GT-P5210 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[stanleypj]

I do recognise what you're talking about Scarlett, and thanks for posting.

But sometimes I find it a useful diversion when I get worked up about things that are in the news and there seem to be more and more of these things. Also, we have just been for a meal with my brother and sister-in-law. We go fairly regularly. If we didn't talk about the news, and particularly politics, which we are all interested in, I fear that after catching up with their family news I would just want to talk about my wife and our problems resulting from the disease.

I can also relate to Lyn's point about having no-one to talk to about the news - or about anything - on a day to day, hour by hour basis

Sad, in more than one sense of the word.

 

[WIFE]

Like you Scarlett - just too plain weary and heart-broken to care about anything other than my Husband and his care - except of course how all my TP friends are getting on.

Hope you have a peaceful visit.

 

[truth24]

Me too, Scarlett. I suppose deep down I do care but, as you say, perhaps selfishly, my life is consumed by thoughts of Fred's suffering, my visits to him and how I can cope with the ever present guilt that we experience. There are so many personal emotional and financial problems to resolve at the moment that I don't seem to be able to relate to the country's/world's problems although have made a donation to the Ebola appeal and, of course, Poppies. I do make an occasional effort with friends as I don't want to lose them but my life presently revolves around thoughts of Fred and TP where, like you, I know we can admit such things and, hopefully, not be judged. My hope is that this stage will pass and that I will eventually reconnect with the world but, as with you, at the moment it's just us two, my family and my virtual friends. Verity xx

Sent from my GT-N5110

 

[Spamar]

Oh I so agree with most of the above. The only thing I can't relate to is going out for a meal like Stanley. Unfortunately OH now refuses to engage - went to bed the last time our last remaining friends that would come to dinner arrived. They no longer keep in contact. Such a shame after 25 years.
This is life!

 

[Oxy]

I completely understand your thread aswell as lynT and stanleypj. I watch the news as only thing that can always be kept up that I did before. When a friend does ring gives a talking point. It's always available 24/7 BUT have had to limit when too sad.
As stanleypj feel diversions are important. I do grieve a lot about all that is lost through caring increasingly over a very long time. News helps. Nothing of former life really there and often feel I now have little in common with lifelong friends as my world has become so limited. Financial limitations has meant former interests will always be severely curtailed.
A short funny programme can help, though rarely watch. As someone who feels terribly imprisoned when indoors all day, particularly on a sunny day, anything that brings outdoors in helps. Other times can't cope with that either.
In short, a diversion is so vital for our wellbeing.

 

[Tin]

Not as engaged with things as I used to be and I no longer look behind the headlines. Like you the donkey ad does upset me! I guess that's got something to do with endless donkey rides on the beach. But everything else, sorry I cannot find the energy or interest to get involved.

 

[MReader]

I thoroughly agree with all these comments - our world has shrunk to me & OH in our house with our issues.
I am reminded of the old prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference, Living one day at a time......................................That I may be reasonably happy in this life......................... etc.

 

[Onlyme]

I skip adverts as most of what I watch has to be recorded. Carers have enough emotional baggage of their own to drag around without looking for more.

It's the feeling of putting on blinkers, put one foot in front of the other and keep walking with your head down in case someone throws more stuff at you that you can't handle.

One day it will change, hopefully.

 

[marionq]

Scarlett I thought being 70 was the reason why I am no longer as engaged with current affairs as I once was. You have made me rethink that and yes the main reason is that practical issues relating to AZ overtake my eager beaver attitude to volunteering or even having an (informed) opinion on everything under the sun. I am a news junkie with the Guardian and Channel 4 news my sources of preference but I am so dispassionate nowadays that I feel a bit sad about the loss of my younger, keener self.

Priorities, priorities.

 

[Chuggalug]

In the beginning of caring for my husband, I was feeling pretty soul-destroyed. A letter came from some society or other, asking for money to help them research dementia. I was so angry when I read it, I felt like writing to them, telling them what REALLY happens to most people who get it.

That anger lasted for some time. I never wrote the letter. You can't write something in anger. There's more to this, but I don't want to depress anyone!

I still get upset, Scarlett, but so far, not as angry as I once was. All I can do is thank God Almighty that I'm not as angry, now.

 

[stanleypj]

I am a news junkie with the Guardian and Channel 4 news my sources of preference

Snap! But I so often intend to read Guardian articles that look interesting and never get round to them. Most nights I catch at least part of C4 News, so much more interesting than any other news programme and now streets ahead of Newsnight which used to be obligatory.

 

[Lindy50]

Sadly I have to agree with other posters on this. OH and I have always been heavily socially involved, whether in volunteering and campaigning (me) or playing and working hard (him). Now I can barely concentrate on a thing. We had tickets recently to see the cinema feed of 'Streetcar named Desire', we cancelled them out of sheer apathy! That and preferring to watch our favourite football team on TV.....I could hardly believe it.

Anyway that cancellation was a bit of a wake-up call and I am trying now to take an interest in the world outside mum! Still agree with Onlyme though:

"It's the feeling of putting on blinkers, put one foot in front of the other and keep on walking, head down, in case someone throws more stuff at you that you can't handle"

I used to positively relish that stuff, was always looking for a challenge......no longer xx

 

[Chuggalug]

Oh Lindy. Apathy. I can certainly relate to that I used to perk up when I knew I had to go out for something. This whole week, I've wanted to go up to town for a few items, but keep putting it off. Can't be bothered springs to mind.

That is SO not me, sigh...