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Do you even care?

Ladybird23

Registered User
Feb 28, 2014
127
Chuggalong, this is me this week, cannot be bothered to go into town or do something. BUT today I had appointment to go to Docs, so as the sun was shining the old bike came out and off I cycled. The old siactica was playing up! BUT there we go!
Feel loads better now!

I too feel the need to get off the planet, but I suppose we have to make the most of life as we can.

SO TP'ers the sun is shining, so lets forget our sorrows for a minute and love the day and the sun. :) ITS FRIDAY!
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
I don't half miss my bike, Ladybird. I can't ride now, because of the arthritis. I must have biked thousands of miles over my lifetime. It was the only way of getting anywhere, most of the time.

Not being a good traveller for some years, I eventually had to make myself go out using other forms of transport. Little did I realise how much I'd eventually treasure the train. Without our local rail service, I wouldn't even get out of the village, now. That's been true for a good few years. I have so much to be thankful for. And yes, the sun is shining here, too :) xx

You're right. Let's wallow in it!
 

Leolady56

Registered User
Aug 9, 2014
44
South Africa
I switch the news on, and listen with half an ear, and realised today that I just don't care about E-bola, ISIS, either the terrorist group or the Downton Abbey's dog, whether the Labour/Conservative/LibDems or UKIP parties are doing well or not.

I don't care if umpteen more people are in debt, or have jobs, or if fuel is going up - let's face it, it doesn't go down - and whether Kate and William have another boy, or a girl this time. I don't care who wins Strictly or X Factor or endless cookery competitions.

I have become immune to the many adverts to send money all over the world, though find I have to change the channel when the donkey advert is on. I don't care if Tesco have fiddled the books, or a Z list actress has had botox, or whether we have a change of government next year.

I have become selfish, only thinking how things affect me, and this is not my usual character. Having said all that, I like being asked to help others fill in forms, and am always interested in the ups and downs of fellow TPers.

And all I'm caring about now is what I shall say to John when I visit tomorrow. Am I alone in thinking like this, and a thoroughly selfish person?
Scarlett, I think you are very, *very* normal and that there is not a thing for you to worry about. If one just looks at the topic of 'multi-tasking' you will find that many people can quite happily and easily do 10 things at the same time and many people simply can't and that's okay too. I believe that what is happening to you is that all of your senses are now working in overdrive to keep on doing what is best for you and for your husband and right now, you simply don't have enough 'brain power' or energy left over to expend on other things going on around you which with or without your involvement - they will continue to carry on, regardless.

When I hit particularly 'blah' and 'ba-humbug' periods in my mind as I run through the many things I used to enjoy before Mom's AD became THAT elephant in the room which is with me 24/7 without ever being out of my mind and psyche for even one second - I have just had to accept that right now, I too have 'cocooned' myself far more than usual but I do believe this is just my own way of trying to conserve my little bit of time and energy to dealing with the AD issues and that God willing, one day when this is no longer an issue in my life - things which once appealed to me - that they will again or perhaps even, I will seek out other things in my life which will appeal to me and allow me to open up myself again to the world out there.
Living one's life with a loved one with AD does change us. No one can deny that! So allow yourself to let go of 'stuff' which quite frankly will continue to churn along without you thinking or acting upon them and concentrate, in this particular episode of your life on keeping yourself 'together' and coping with things which are top priority right now.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Well, it's good to know I'm not alone. :) Having said that, today I paid some bills, went to the hairdressers, and had coffee with a friend, sitting outside in the lovely sunshine.

I was determined not to monopolise the conversation by talking about John but, wouldn't you know it, 4 different people walked past who I know, and after air-kissing (when did this become so popular?), they all began with "and how's John doing?", to which I answered "the same, you know".

So many of you have succinctly put things into the proverbial nutshell. Basically, you're so worn out if you're looking after a loved one at home, up and down like a fiddler's elbow half the night, and so worried about the loved ones in care, that you have b*gger all energy left over to deal with anything else.

Off to the Home now.
 

Eleonora

Registered User
Dec 21, 2012
170
Abingdon Oxfordshire
I switch the news on, and listen with half an ear, and realised today that I just don't care about E-bola, ISIS, either the terrorist group or the Downton Abbey's dog, whether the Labour/Conservative/LibDems or UKIP parties are doing well or not.

I don't care if umpteen more people are in debt, or have jobs, or if fuel is going up - let's face it, it doesn't go down - and whether Kate and William have another boy, or a girl this time. I don't care who wins Strictly or X Factor or endless cookery competitions.

I have become immune to the many adverts to send money all over the world, though find I have to change the channel when the donkey advert is on. I don't care if Tesco have fiddled the books, or a Z list actress has had botox, or whether we have a change of government next year.

I have become selfish, only thinking how things affect me, and this is not my usual character. Having said all that, I like being asked to help others fill in forms, and am always interested in the ups and downs of fellow TPers.

And all I'm caring about now is what I shall say to John when I visit tomorrow. Am I alone in thinking like this, and a thoroughly selfish person?
Oh Scarlett - what a tonic you are!:D
I do wish you would gather up all your comments and observations on your life as a long term carer. I'd buy the book, and how!!!
In this case, I couldn't agree with you more.

Because my OH and I are always home, in a tiny retirement flat, we find ourselves watching TV and listening to the radio far more often than is usual; even for crumblies.
And I am driven to throwing things at the set when the, 'Bread and Circuses' entertainments appear. I do sometimes manage to summon up a small interest in , 'Strictly' because it is so ridiculously over the top.
But I digress.
I know the World is going through dreadful upheavals, but what the Hell do they expect me to do about it?
Politicians offer themselves to us, with their smug assurances that they, and only they, can solve the World's problems - so would they please get on with it now they've got the job - and show us what they're made of.
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
" Bxxgger all energy". Oh yes! There's so much I want to do, but if I achieve one thing in a day it's a triumph. Otherwise it's just a day spent thinking" I should make a list" but even that can be too much effort.

I'm SO TIRED!
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
556
Scotland
Thank you Scarlett for opening this thread. I certainly agree with you and the others. My caring responsibilities come first and don't leave much chance to be concerned with world affairs, etc. I read the headlines in the newspaper intending to read the article later but seldom do. Seems we are all experiencing this - thankfully TP lets us know we are not alone in feeling this way.
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,095
Bolton
I vividly remember the massively emotional feelings I had whilst giving my baby son his feed and seeing a burning child covered in napan during the Vietnam war and the many other wars over the years leading up to the latest middle east atrocities which fill me with horror just as the Ebola outbreak makes my heart break for the poor families suffering so.

Having lost a daughter in law aged 32 to leukaemia, a husband to dementia and a mother to cancer/dementia in the last few years, I NEED to see Downtown Abby and any other little distraction which covers me in a nice warm blanket of safety from the terrible world out there.

xxTinaT
 
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Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
" Bxxgger all energy". Oh yes! There's so much I want to do, but if I achieve one thing in a day it's a triumph. Otherwise it's just a day spent thinking" I should make a list" but even that can be too much effort.

I'm SO TIRED!
Me too, Raggedy Anne! Too tired to be annoyed about it, sometimes.....:rolleyes:

Lindy xx
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
I NEED to see Downtown Abby and any other little distraction which covers me in a nice warm blanket of safety from the terrible world out there.

xxTinaT
And that's very nicely put. I often feel as others have said. I see the news headlines, all the atrocities, the epidemics, the killings, wars and heartbreak. But I think too that maybe it's something that comes with experience of life? When we were much much younger and didn't know better, we felt we could change the world, make it better, accomplish great things, that with the right will, these awful headlines would be a thing of the past. Over the years we learn that the world is too big, the global problems on too great a scale for individuals to grasp, so as our responsibilities in our own lives grow, we start taking care of those. I think too that one of the problems these days is the constant, immediate newsfeed. We are jaded by it all. It becomes meaningless. Even in the 1980s, news of the famine in Africa was news because it had crept up without us all having updates on it every ten seconds! We are desensitised by information overload. And we feel helpless and numbed, because we can do nothing to change the world problems, to make the world better. And as carers, deep down, we think it's our job to make things alright.

But you see, we have changed the world for the ones we care for. We have made the world better for our loved ones and families. We have accomplished great things indeed - in the lives of the ones we love and care for.

So, yes, we do need our comfort blankets! I spent a happy evening watching Chicken Run! Happy escapism!:) (pardon the pun!)
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
And that's very nicely put. I often feel as others have said. I see the news headlines, all the atrocities, the epidemics, the killings, wars and heartbreak. But I think too that maybe it's something that comes with experience of life? When we were much much younger and didn't know better, we felt we could change the world, make it better, accomplish great things, that with the right will, these awful headlines would be a thing of the past. Over the years we learn that the world is too big, the global problems on too great a scale for individuals to grasp, so as our responsibilities in our own lives grow, we start taking care of those. I think too that one of the problems these days is the constant, immediate newsfeed. We are jaded by it all. It becomes meaningless. Even in the 1980s, news of the famine in Africa was news because it had crept up without us all having updates on it every ten seconds! We are desensitised by information overload. And we feel helpless and numbed, because we can do nothing to change the world problems, to make the world better. And as carers, deep down, we think it's our job to make things alright.

But you see, we have changed the world for the ones we care for. We have made the world better for our loved ones and families. We have accomplished great things indeed - in the lives of the ones we love and care for.

So, yes, we do need our comfort blankets! I spent a happy evening watching Chicken Run! Happy escapism!:) (pardon the pun!)
Great post LadyA :) I agree it is partly to do with the things you mention, as well as caring as such :)

By the way, I now even watch the soaps with my daughter sometimes....well, we sit together in companionable peace, and that's the main thing xx
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Well I videoed Brief Encounter earlier this evening, and I've thoroughly enjoyed watching it, especially with all those clipped middle-class 50s voices, with men calling their wives "Old Gel", and the cockney char ladies saying "sorry I'm sure".

And the Rachmaninov was lovely and stirring too. :) And having watched this a zillion times, I knew what the outcome would be. But this was real escapism, when couples gave each other lingering looks, instead of leaping into bed on the first date and then saying "woss yer name, anyway".
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
Well I videoed Brief Encounter earlier this evening, and I've thoroughly enjoyed watching it, especially with all those clipped middle-class 50s voices, with men calling their wives "Old Gel", and the cockney char ladies saying "sorry I'm sure".

And the Rachmaninov was lovely and stirring too. :) And having watched this a zillion times, I knew what the outcome would be. But this was real escapism, when couples gave each other lingering looks, instead of leaping into bed on the first date and then saying "woss yer name, anyway".
Ooh - I've been dying to see that! I wonder do the Library have it? I keep forgetting that I can go to the Library now! And take things out! :) William used to go to the library every single day! And get books and dvds out - he used to read about 3 books a day! When he couldn't read anymore, he'd just get dvds. Then he stopped being able to choose anything - then he wouldn't wait while I chose something for him. So we stopped going to the library at all. But they have a huge selection of dvds.:) Must go take a look.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Ooh - I've been dying to see that! I wonder do the Library have it? I keep forgetting that I can go to the Library now! And take things out! :) William used to go to the library every single day! And get books and dvds out - he used to read about 3 books a day! When he couldn't read anymore, he'd just get dvds. Then he stopped being able to choose anything - then he wouldn't wait while I chose something for him. So we stopped going to the library at all. But they have a huge selection of dvds.:) Must go take a look.
Oh do, they certainly don't make films like this now. There's not a single swear word, and the only kisses, 2 I think, were a bit like how Irish dancing used to be. The lips met, but the heads didn't move at all.

And their bodies stay perfectly still, and Celia Johnson tilts her head back, their lips are still locked, she grips his arms, he grips hers, and the music soars .............................
 

vernon

Registered User
Jul 24, 2014
16
north west
Mrs

In the beginning of caring for my husband, I was feeling pretty soul-destroyed. A letter came from some society or other, asking for money to help them research dementia. I was so angry when I read it, I felt like writing to them, telling them what REALLY happens to most people who get it.

That anger lasted for some time. I never wrote the letter. You can't write something in anger. There's more to this, but I don't want to depress anyone!

I still get upset, Scarlett, but so far, not as angry as I once was. All I can do is thank God Almighty that I'm not as angry, now.
not sure where to type this, it is my first attempt to contact anyone. i found the same as you when first contacted by the society, do we need help with obtaining funding, he shouldn't be driving, will he come to group meetings? ........... all we needed at that stage was practical things to help his memory. We are learning to cope slowly and i am trying to think for two. We have always been a team but now it is an individual event every day for me. i am not angry with them now either. Just one phrase i heard from them "it is not his fault" - that helps enormously.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
not sure where to type this, it is my first attempt to contact anyone. i found the same as you when first contacted by the society, do we need help with obtaining funding, he shouldn't be driving, will he come to group meetings? ........... all we needed at that stage was practical things to help his memory. We are learning to cope slowly and i am trying to think for two. We have always been a team but now it is an individual event every day for me. i am not angry with them now either. Just one phrase i heard from them "it is not his fault" - that helps enormously.
No. It is not his fault. But so so often, as time passed I found myself thinking "Well, it's not my bl***y fault either, and I don't know what to do!!"
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
Welcome Vernon. You'll soon get the hang of posting and offloading your worries here. It's my lifeline as I know it is for many, so comforting, helpful and totally non judgemental. We are all travelling in the same direction although at different stages so know exactly where you are coming from. Best wishes.

Sent from my GT-N5110
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
Welcome Vernon - here to help if needed.

I thought Brief Encounter came up "fresh as a daisy" - wasn't Trevor Howard just so handsome? Watched Casablanca yesterday - Felt the same about that - Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman certainly had something together. No sex, chaste kisses, bloodless shootings, and Ingrid Bergman's husband flew off into the fog with her in a Dakota even though he knew it was Humph she really loved all along. Blissful.
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
Certainly something about those old film men that today's counterparts lack. Perhaps they were 'real' men

Sent from my GT-N5110