Distressed today.
- Thread starter connie
- Start date
hi connie,
ive got very wary of mentioning mums good days on here becouse as soon as ive said it things go haywire
so i think its best we dont mention "good days" and just assume that its a good day unless otherwise mentioned
may you have a assumed good day today
best wishes xx
ive got very wary of mentioning mums good days on here becouse as soon as ive said it things go haywire
so i think its best we dont mention "good days" and just assume that its a good day unless otherwise mentioned
may you have a assumed good day today
best wishes xx
Hi Connie,
My first reaction was " wow, a free manicure" but that is because I really don't understand your system. I know that the social services you get are paid for out of your taxes and if my thinking is right, you pay alot more than we do in the US. So you should get more !!
There is no doubt that both systems are lacking in their support of the care giver! I know the Alz Association here has volunteers that will come into the home but there is a waiting list. Perhaps there are things of that type available to you ??
Just grasping for ideas, you are in a tough spot and there aren't easy answers.
At least you can get emotional support from your TP friends. I hope today is a much better day for you and Lionel !!
Take care,
Debbie
My first reaction was " wow, a free manicure" but that is because I really don't understand your system. I know that the social services you get are paid for out of your taxes and if my thinking is right, you pay alot more than we do in the US. So you should get more !!
There is no doubt that both systems are lacking in their support of the care giver! I know the Alz Association here has volunteers that will come into the home but there is a waiting list. Perhaps there are things of that type available to you ??
Just grasping for ideas, you are in a tough spot and there aren't easy answers.
At least you can get emotional support from your TP friends. I hope today is a much better day for you and Lionel !!
Take care,
Debbie
jan17362 said:
I found your comments very upsetting Janette - please do not generalise about people who have difficulties with alcohol and illegal drugs. Their problems are great - and their families suffer alot too. Our pain is not comparable to each others - it is individual. I wish you comfort and peace
Sian xx
Hiya Sian,
I see this is your first posting, so, welcome.
I have read your profile and understand why you found this comment upsetting, though I don't think that Janette in any way intended to be disrespectful of either those who have alcohol or drug problems. It must be so difficult for you, trying to support your sister.
When my mum was first diagnosed she smoked. The doctor and neurologist told her and us that it wasn't good for her - we knew that, but how do you break an addiction? Mum bought cigarettes obsessively, she would light them up obsessively, one after another, but we used to find them in the garden, and when dad cleaned out his water butt, the bottom was covered in them!!
I know there are several members on here who have relatives who have alcohol problems together with dementia, it must be so hard, because we as carers know that what they are doing is aggravating the dementia, but we are powerless to stop them.
So once again wecome on board. Hope that you post again soon.
Best wishes,Amy.
I see this is your first posting, so, welcome.
I have read your profile and understand why you found this comment upsetting, though I don't think that Janette in any way intended to be disrespectful of either those who have alcohol or drug problems. It must be so difficult for you, trying to support your sister.
When my mum was first diagnosed she smoked. The doctor and neurologist told her and us that it wasn't good for her - we knew that, but how do you break an addiction? Mum bought cigarettes obsessively, she would light them up obsessively, one after another, but we used to find them in the garden, and when dad cleaned out his water butt, the bottom was covered in them!!
I know there are several members on here who have relatives who have alcohol problems together with dementia, it must be so hard, because we as carers know that what they are doing is aggravating the dementia, but we are powerless to stop them.
So once again wecome on board. Hope that you post again soon.
Best wishes,Amy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jan17362
I am so sorry for the distress you are going through. You have enough to contend with. Social services in my opinion are only geared up to help drug addicts and alcoholics they dont have time for anyone else let alone some-one who is saving them money by doing the careing themselves. Dont let them get to you.
Janette
I found your comments very upsetting Janette - please do not generalise about people who have difficulties with alcohol and illegal drugs. Their problems are great - and their families suffer alot too. Our pain is not comparable to each others - it is individual. I wish you comfort and peace
Sian xx
Dear Angel, I believe the comments were directed at me, and were therefore a personal opinion. I firmly believe in our right to speak in this way. I am sorry that you chose to be upset. We do not know backgtrounds to many, many who post on TP, so cannot tailor our comments to suit all. I am sure no offence was intented. I appreciated Janette's concern for me.
Originally Posted by jan17362
I am so sorry for the distress you are going through. You have enough to contend with. Social services in my opinion are only geared up to help drug addicts and alcoholics they dont have time for anyone else let alone some-one who is saving them money by doing the careing themselves. Dont let them get to you.
Janette
I found your comments very upsetting Janette - please do not generalise about people who have difficulties with alcohol and illegal drugs. Their problems are great - and their families suffer alot too. Our pain is not comparable to each others - it is individual. I wish you comfort and peace
Sian xx
Dear Angel, I believe the comments were directed at me, and were therefore a personal opinion. I firmly believe in our right to speak in this way. I am sorry that you chose to be upset. We do not know backgtrounds to many, many who post on TP, so cannot tailor our comments to suit all. I am sure no offence was intented. I appreciated Janette's concern for me.
If we all posted so as not to offend anyone, then there would be precious little traffic here!
There are topics and - for some reason [upbringing perhaps] language - that offend me greatly and I have learned simply to avoid threads where that might happen. In reality there are few, and offence is fleeting.
On the topic in question, I'll throw in my two pennyworth.....
When Jan was at her worst at home, and after she went to the care home [and even now], I would drive around and my eyes might latch on to ... just anyone - and I would think "why Jan, why not you?" Really stupid, I know, but the pain is so bad, and Jan was so good.
Likewise, I also think.... Jan has done nothing that medical science knows of to be afflicted in this way, yet others do things - smoke, drink, over eat for whatever reason, eat poor food knowingly and unnecessarily, do daftly dangerous activities, work too much, are obnoxious, sail through red lights in their cars, etc, etc.... and yet they seem to be treated much better.
Again, this is not logical, but being in whatever situation we may be in is not logical either.
all conditions bring their own flavour of hell to those directly affected and we only realise that flavour once we have tasted it. Hopefully we will all have restricted diets in this context.
By all means we need to let others on TP know our own particular areas of pain, but time tends to have us realise that TP is there to help as widely as possible. Sometimes that can cause hurt unintentionally. It's life.
I think it the luck of the draw in which area you live in when it come to social services.
I did not realize that social services offer a Manicure to the carer under the carer assessment.
All I new was that they can give the carer a grant of £500 not mean tested ,to take a break , learn to drive ,buy a mobile
Hear the link about it, I have not got around to applying for it yet
http://www.dh.gov.uk/assetRoot/04/10/29/96/04102996.pdf Stroll down & your read what you can spend it on
I did not realize that social services offer a Manicure to the carer under the carer assessment.
All I new was that they can give the carer a grant of £500 not mean tested ,to take a break , learn to drive ,buy a mobile
Hear the link about it, I have not got around to applying for it yet
http://www.dh.gov.uk/assetRoot/04/10/29/96/04102996.pdf Stroll down & your read what you can spend it on
by bruce
Bruce
so true,no one intends to intentionally offend anyone else,we are all trying to help and offer comfort,in the best way that we can offer it.
Norman
Bruce
so true,no one intends to intentionally offend anyone else,we are all trying to help and offer comfort,in the best way that we can offer it.
Norman
Ok, let me be the first to say, I am really sorry if I ever offend anyone here with my West Texas humour, US style of jargon or sublime cultural ignorance ! You all are dear to me and so in advance, just know my intentions are always good.....opps, isn't that what hell is paved with???? On second though, just pm me and we'll hash it out!
Keep it Light, AD is heavy enough,
Debbie
Keep it Light, AD is heavy enough,
Debbie
Dear Connie.
So sorry to read that you are having a tough time of it. You must take care of yourself.Pardon me for asking but should your husband perhaps be in residential care...I bet if you approached social services with this in mind they would magically provide the extra help you need. What would happen if you werent there? Reading some of the comments on TP I worry what the future may hold for me Yes I love my partner and I will help him as much as I can but I am disabled myself and will not be able to cope as you do, the more I find out about AD and its progress the more terrifying it seems.
So sorry to read that you are having a tough time of it. You must take care of yourself.Pardon me for asking but should your husband perhaps be in residential care...I bet if you approached social services with this in mind they would magically provide the extra help you need. What would happen if you werent there? Reading some of the comments on TP I worry what the future may hold for me Yes I love my partner and I will help him as much as I can but I am disabled myself and will not be able to cope as you do, the more I find out about AD and its progress the more terrifying it seems.
jude 1950
Thank you for your comments. Lionel went downhill in the early part of this year, and was assessed as needing more help than I could provide.
Nursing home was found for him, nearby, to enable me to visit daily. Whilst he has been in respite many, many times, he did not settle, the staff made no effort to understand him, so I brought him home. This was partly due to the fact that Lionel, because he has some private funds, pays for all his care
I could not leave him somewhere that was not right, and have him pay for the priviledge.
I did say to Social Services, during my last rant, that I was not prepared to do this any more (I just had a really bad time) and the answer was "Lionel will have to go into residential care"
Of course I will carry on caring for him for as long as I can, but feel I have to let them know that the system st***s.
Anyway jude, am feeling better??????? this week, and have respite booked for 4th June. This will cost Lionel another £1,300. Ah well, it will help keep me sane.
Take care now,
Thank you for your comments. Lionel went downhill in the early part of this year, and was assessed as needing more help than I could provide.
Nursing home was found for him, nearby, to enable me to visit daily. Whilst he has been in respite many, many times, he did not settle, the staff made no effort to understand him, so I brought him home. This was partly due to the fact that Lionel, because he has some private funds, pays for all his care
I could not leave him somewhere that was not right, and have him pay for the priviledge.
I did say to Social Services, during my last rant, that I was not prepared to do this any more (I just had a really bad time) and the answer was "Lionel will have to go into residential care"
Of course I will carry on caring for him for as long as I can, but feel I have to let them know that the system st***s.
Anyway jude, am feeling better??????? this week, and have respite booked for 4th June. This will cost Lionel another £1,300. Ah well, it will help keep me sane.
Take care now,
Hiya Connie,
I know it seems so unfair when you have to pay for everything, that others get free of charge - it is the same for my mum. Dad says he's spending our inheritance - so what? Money is a tool, and if we have to use it to buy mum care, safety and well being, so be it; we are also safe-guarding dad's health and sanity, and if I am honest, mine as well. So whilst the system is as it is ( and I fear that unless we are all prepared to pay higher taxes it will only get worse) we might as well just get on with spending that money and enjoy the peace of mind that it brings us. Enjoy the respite (are you going away?).
Love Amy.
I know it seems so unfair when you have to pay for everything, that others get free of charge - it is the same for my mum. Dad says he's spending our inheritance - so what? Money is a tool, and if we have to use it to buy mum care, safety and well being, so be it; we are also safe-guarding dad's health and sanity, and if I am honest, mine as well. So whilst the system is as it is ( and I fear that unless we are all prepared to pay higher taxes it will only get worse) we might as well just get on with spending that money and enjoy the peace of mind that it brings us. Enjoy the respite (are you going away?).
Love Amy.
