My Dad has been in hospital for nearly three weeks (Hypoactive Delirium). He is medically fit for discharge and has been appointed a hospital social worker. In the lead up to him being admitted he was barely eating, drinking, and unable to stand let alone walk. He should have been admitted to hospital the previous week, but the family didn't listen....My Uncle says he needs to be able to walk. This has now changed to he needs to be able to stand.... My Dad hasn't walked for about a month now. The hospital physios have discharged him from their care as he wouldn't engage with them. Changing my Dad's nappies has always been a battle. My Cousin has hurt his back taking all of my Dad's weight so that my Uncle could change him. My Cousin will not be offering any further help in this way. His back has not recovered as yet. My Dad was admitted to hospital just under two years ago. My Uncle wanted nothing to do with Social Services and was adamant that he could take care of my Dad himself. We are now two years down the line and he is still saying the same thing! He's not going to allow carers in etc and they can all mind their own business! The hospital social worker will be speaking to my Dad on Tuesday. My Uncle was down as NOK, but luckily a nurse I spoke to must have made notes on the system as I will be contacted first. How do the social worker and discharge co-ordinator deal with this type of situation? Is the decision of where my Dad lives down to them or the family? What happens when my opinion is the total opposite of my Uncles, yet he lives with him? Any advice would be much appreciated. Many thanks, Gail.
Discharge from hospital to home or care home. Who decides?
- Thread starter GailM
- Start date
Depends to an etxent on a numberof factors.
would he be self funding? Maybe thats what Uncle is afraid of- losing his home?
Does your dad have capasity?
if your Uncle is determined to not share care, he needs some education into changing your dad- no one should be supporting his weight for him to be changed- he should be doing it on the bed if he cant stand.
would he be self funding? Maybe thats what Uncle is afraid of- losing his home?
Does your dad have capasity?
if your Uncle is determined to not share care, he needs some education into changing your dad- no one should be supporting his weight for him to be changed- he should be doing it on the bed if he cant stand.
Yes my Dad would be self funding. They all live together in rented accommodation. My Dad doesn't have capacity. Once my Dad was unable to walk (his bedroom and the bathroom are upstairs), My Dad was sleeping on the settee whilst my Uncle slept in a chair...
Do you think your Uncle is showing signs of dementia, not being able to accept that he cannot cope by himself or is it just the money? Does he not want to lose the Attendance Allowance your Dad is getting?
I don't think so. It's not money related. He never applied for Attendance Allowance. I did tell him about it....
I think because neither you or your Uncle have P.O.A it will be all down to the social worker and the relevant people to sort his finances and care out, unless you are willing to take it on? Have you got the time, which in this day and age no one has really, Would you prefer your dad to be looked after professionally and are you willing to let someone in to care for him, because that will be what the social worker will be looking at, its a hard decision and is very complicated, I would not want my dad to be put in a home that would be my main priority, to me money is irrelevant , yes its not nice to have your life's work in wages or pensions taken off of you to help pay for care, however there is no price I would pay to get help for my parents
In that case social services will be making the desisions in your dads best interests. This means they will look at what is currently happening ie your uncle managing on his own and then if necessary put in additional care up to 4 times a day. If your uncle refuses this help, firstly it is not his right to do so and secondly it could be seen as a safeguarding issue and again social services will intervene, possibly looking at residential care. Before they do all of that though , they will do a financial assessment. If your dad has over approx £23, 000 In his name then he will have to pay. At this point, if social services think your uncle can manage on his own, they will let him until there is a crisis. To circumvent this you could find out who the social worker is and express your concerns over your dad’s wellbeing and that of your uncle. I suspect you will need to be one step ahead but fortunately you can get some advice on here and by calling the helpline.
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If your Dad is living in your uncle's home and doesn't have any legal or beneficial interest in it then I don't think that your uncle can be compelled to allow carers into his home. However, if SS decides that your father needs carers and your uncle refuses to agree to this then they might well move your Dad to a care home.
Perhaps your uncle doesn't realise that he (your uncle) won't have to pay for carers or a care home.
Perhaps your uncle doesn't realise that he (your uncle) won't have to pay for carers or a care home.
Hi @GailM
Any assessment is not initially based on anyone else other than the PWD. There are strong reasons why your uncle may want your dad to remain at home, simply because that was and is his wish, but there other more sinister reasons and this is where some family members will sacrifice the wellbeing of the PWD over their own interests -so the first thing you have to ask yourself is why does your uncle stand unmoved on your dad returning home? It may be an innocent motive but you need to ask that question. At the end of the day the social worker and discharge coordinator have a duty of care and they will make their own recommendations about future place of residence. It is very difficult to steer round family sometimes, but there comes a point when remaining at home without adequate support becomes untenable, unless your uncle is willing to offer that 24/7 support.
I would be willing to apply for COP with another member of the family. I would want someone to help me with all the form filling as I would be too frightened of making a mistake. Once it's set up I have more than enough time to keep up with it. In my opinion my Dad needs twenty four hour care, although I do understand my Uncle not wanting this to happen. My Uncle is still stating he will care for him and there will be no carers going in. My Uncle is 79. I can't see how he would be able to cope looking after my Dad on his own, especially as my Dad stopped walking a month ago. My Dad can also be aggressive. I have mentioned medication in the past, but nothing was done, although I realise medication can increase the risk of falls (which won't be a problem if he doesn't walk again).
I'd wondered about the safeguarding issue. Maybe my Uncle will back down, especially if this is explained to him? My Dad has well over £23,000 in his name. The social worker is phoning me after she has spoken to my Dad on Tuesday. It's on the hospital notes that she phones me before my Uncle.In that case social services will be making the desisions in your dads best interests. This means they will look at what is currently happening ie your uncle managing on his own and then if necessary put in additional care up to 4 times a day. If your uncle refuses this help, firstly it is not his right to do so and secondly it could be seen as a safeguarding issue and again social services will intervene, possibly looking at residential care. Before they do all of that though , they will do a financial assessment. If your dad has over approx £23, 000 In his name then he will have to pay. At this point, if social services think your uncle can manage on his own, they will let him until there is a crisis. To circumvent this you could find out who the social worker is and express your concerns over your dad’s wellbeing and that of your uncle. I suspect you will need to be one step ahead but fortunately you can get some advice on here and by calling the helpline.
Contact us
Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.
I think your uncles expectations are below what he will have to deal with as dementia progresses. All the goodwill in the world won't make a difference
The home they live in is rented. My Uncle knows that my Dad would be self funding.
I think my Uncle has always been frightened of say social services taking over and taking his brother away from him. He probably feels he would be failing him by putting him in a home, which of course isn't the case. They were always very close, brothers and best friends. He tends to bury his head in the sand. He keeps saying he needs to be able to walk. I've asked him and what happens if he doesn't? I mentioned a hospital bed and a hoist. I also explained that the hoist needs two people and there are certain ways of dealing with someone who is bedbound, and that carers would be needed. He's adamant-no carers. He's so set on the no carers, does he not realise he will be shooting himself in the foot? That this may well result in the decision being taken out of his hands and my Dad ending up in exactly the place he doesn't want him to be. My Uncle was with my Dad 24/7, but if he can't fully support his needs we have a huge problem. I want what's best for my Dad.
All you can do is reiterate that this situation will not get any better and no amount of goodwill can survive the challenges of advancing dementia by someone on their own. The best thing in the long term if providing care at home is no longer realistic is a CH. Your uncle may not approve, but PWD as they advance develop considerable anxiety in coping which is an awful place to be, especially if alone for long periods.
My Uncle was always with my Dad, other than through the night when he was in the next bedroom. He also lives with my Auntie and Cousin so there has always been someone with him. I'll be glad when he's out of hospital and he is either back at home with carers or in a care home.
No disrespect, and I never would because I don't believe in being disrespectful, but there is going to come to a point that God forbid your uncle is going to need to except
the care especially being the age he is, there is no shame in asking for help, maybe your uncle is just a proud man.
It will get to a point where all relevant parties are going to have to say, enough is enough, your uncle cannot physically and mentally carry on looking after your dad so all professionals will have to step on for your dad's best interest.
Citizens Advice, Age UK and some carer charities can help with form filling. Solicitors can also apply on your behalf - it is expensive that way (about £3,000), but the money would come out of your dads savings and if you dont do it then the CoP will appoint a panel solicitor who would charge for everything they do.
I think your uncle is soon going to have a huge wake-up call.
SS have the authority to over-ride peoples wishes if the person with dementia does not have capacity and is deemed to be at risk. Soon it will become either having carers in at home, or moving to a care home.
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