Difficult personality and dementia

[julesb66]

Hello! Myself and my sister are trying to support our mum (80 next month). She clearly has dementia but declined a scan or diagnosis from the memory clinic. She lives alone, upsets her neighbours, sticks her nose into everyone's business, and has no self awareness.
She has quite a tricky personality and we have often felt she might have a personality disorder (possibly narcissistic) as the word revolves around her and we are just bit players! Even as adult in our 50s I think we're still scared of her. I feel I need to bring up her memory issues again but not sure how.
I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience of this sort of situation? Any advice on difficult parent/child relationships and dementia gratefully received!

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @julesb66 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. This is a great place to ask questions, learn from the experience of others and share with people who truly understand. I am sorry to hear about your mum. It would be good to have her diagnosis confirmed but that may not be easy if she is hostile to the idea. On the working assumption that she has some form of dementia, it seems likely that her tendency to self-absorption will continue and probably become more marked. It is common for people with dementia to see things only from their perspective, with no insight, understanding or empathy for others. There's nothing one can do other than accept it for what it is: an effect of dementia that may exaggerate existing personality traits.

This guide might be useful:

Understanding and supporting a person with dementia

Gaining a better understanding of what it is like to live with dementia can help you support someone with the condition to live well. We cover topics such as identity, changes in behaviour, and the practical impact of dementia on the individual and carer.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[pingpong]

Hello! Myself and my sister are trying to support our mum (80 next month). She clearly has dementia but declined a scan or diagnosis from the memory clinic. She lives alone, upsets her neighbours, sticks her nose into everyone's business, and has no self awareness.
She has quite a tricky personality and we have often felt she might have a personality disorder (possibly narcissistic) as the word revolves around her and we are just bit players! Even as adult in our 50s I think we're still scared of her. I feel I need to bring up her memory issues again but not sure how.
I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience of this sort of situation? Any advice on difficult parent/child relationships and dementia gratefully received!

Hi,
I am sorry to hear you are in the same situation as me, my mother is 91 next month and also declined a scan and diagnosis some five plus years ago. Her personality has always been nasty and this condition has times that by 100. I am alone in all this as, unfortunately, my brother has dementia and has been in a home for the last five years. My mother lives three doors away and I have to visit to walk her dog twice a day. I am desperate to move away but can't abandon the dog. I have my own family who need support and at this rate I'm not going to be around much longer. All I can suggest is as sisters please look after each other and don't spend time with your mother alone - this is when they make all the accusations and get under your skin. I wish you the best of luck and hope things change for the better.

 

[Suzysheep01]

Could you write to her dr explaining your concerns and her symptoms and try and get her to an appointment disguised as a well woman check for 80 year olds or something along those lines?