Desperate for advice re.alcohol induced alzheimers

[stupidwoman]

Hi everyone, I am 44 and my partner is 62 and has recently been diagnosed with alcohol induced alzheimers, so obviously different to a lot of you I suppose. I don't live with him, I live separately with my 16 (pregnant too) and 18 year old daughters, so I have different pressure there too. I have so many problems I just can't cope with anymore, the main one being his going on "hook up" sites. I have no idea whether he is messaging other women or sending/receiving nude images, but he never wants any intimacy with me, and I feel he is emotionally cheating. I told him he is crossing a boundary and he said he'd stop, but I saw him on a site just yesterday! I just don't know what to do, I'm so hurt and heartbroken 💔 😭. Please someone help...

 

[Lawson58]

Hi everyone, I am 44 and my partner is 62 and has recently been diagnosed with alcohol induced alzheimers, so obviously different to a lot of you I suppose. I don't live with him, I live separately with my 16 (pregnant too) and 18 year old daughters, so I have different pressure there too. I have so many problems I just can't cope with anymore, the main one being his going on "hook up" sites. I have no idea whether he is messaging other women or sending/receiving nude images, but he never wants any intimacy with me, and I feel he is emotionally cheating. I told him he is crossing a boundary and he said he'd stop, but I saw him on a site just yesterday! I just don't know what to do, I'm so hurt and heartbroken 💔 😭. Please someone help...

Hi and a warm welcome to you.

I am sad that you find yourself in this situation and I think that you probably need some really good advice from the helpline. Someone will be along soon who can post the link to you.

However, I feel compelled to make a comment or two about your very desperate post. I think the fact that you are asking the big question suggests to me that you know in your heart what needs to be done.

You are heartbroken now but believe me, it’s going to get worse and you will find it even harder to cope with everything you have on your plate. I do find it difficult to understand why you are still involved with this man who treats you so appallingly. You live apart so that would make it easier to disengage from this relationship and concentrate on making sure that your daughters can deal with with whatever life throws at them.

This man apart from being ill, disrespects you to anything that is beyond acceptable. If you feel some sense of responsibility for him, please get some care arranged for him and step out with your dignity in tact.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Start to withdraw from the situation. Do it gradually, but do it!

This man may have been your partner but in what way is he your partner now? You have enough on your plate to deal with so this is about protecting yourself and your family.

Sadly, things will get much worse. He will continue with the porn sites and won't remember he said he'll stop, nor will he be able to understand why that's a problem.

Oh - and you're very much not a stupid woman.

 

[stupidwoman]

Thank you both for your replies. I have been in a relationship with him for 3 years and I truly love him, but since he started showing memory problems about 6 months ago and they have progressed to where I'm telling him the same thing literally every 10 minutes it's getting difficult. I have tried to end our relationship but he forgets that 5 minutes later too. I feel obliged to help him, but I feel like I'm being used but just can't get away...

 

[Violet Jane]

I too think that you should walk away. As has been said above, it's only going to get much worse, and you have enough on your plate supporting your pregnant daughter. Perhaps you work as well. You have only been with this man for three years and don't owe him in the way you would if you had been with him for many years.

Your partner is very unlikely to change his behaviour or to take responsibility for his actions.

Please contact his family (if any), his GP and Social Services and make it clear that you can't and won't support him or become his carer.

Definitely DO NOT move in with him or agree to him moving in with you. If you do Social Services and his family will leave you to it. They won't get involved because he won't be at risk. If he moves in with you it might be very difficult to get him out of your home again and you will be put under a lot of pressure to go on housing and caring for him.

Your daughters take priority over this man. They shouldn't be exposed to his behaviour.