Denial

[LankyLass]

Hello. I did do an introduction mail but must not have done it right as I haven't seen it since then!
I have a husband with dementia .After a brainscan we were told its Altzeimers, which I had suspected .but my husband M denies it. He says he's just forgetful and a bit confused. It must have been someone else's brain scan .
He chooses to ignore it and won't go to the local memory cafe for patients and carers ,. Is this Normal to go into denial? It isn't really important yet, family and friends know and accept it.
He isn't a great mixer and says he does not need anyone. I knew he needs me for a start, but it means we can't talk of it together now. It's just one day at a time.
Would be interested if anyone else has the same problem. Ree

 

[60's child]

Hi Lankylass
My Mum refused to go to the Doctor when problems with her memory became apparent. Eventually she did go and was very withdrawn following the diagnosis. She has now pretty much forgotten that she has this awful disease. Dementia is such a huge lifechanging illness I am not suprised that your husband is in denial. I think I would be too. If it were me I would maybe leave the subject alone for a while to see if he is able to discuss it when he is ready. Whether he accepts it or not does not change the fact that he has it. It must be very hard for you if you want to discuss it and he does not. I guess we are all different in that way. It is good you have joined the forum. Maybe we can be your way to offload while your husband is unable to accept it. There is always someone on here willing to listen and give advice. Do keep posting. I have found this forum a great source of information and support.

 

[Margaret938]

Hello LankyLass,
Welcome to TP. I am inclined to agree with Dee. Perhaps being in denial is not a bad thing, your husband doesn't really need to know what is wrong with him, you do and your friends do. I never discuss the illness with my husband, I am sure that at times he knows that something is wrong, perhaps this is what brings on his frustrations. It is enough for me that he is happy in his ignorance. I was in denial of his illness myself for a long time and could not speak to anyone about it, not even our two boys. I eventually had to tell the boys, but no one else. It was not until I was diagnosed with breast cancer last July, that I came out in the open and mentioned both George's and my problems. I did not want to discuss George's AD because I felt as if I was betraying his trust. I am very open now, but I do not regret keeping it to ourselves in the beginning. George does not need to know he is ill, life is hard enough for him.
I hope this makes some sense to you.
Take care,
Love Margaret x

 

[hollycat]

As a daughter living with and caring for mum with AD, mum has always been in denial so I quickly learned to drop the subject completely.

This is not scientific by any means, but I have put denial down, in my own brain, as just the bodies way of protecting mum; if nothing else, it helps me deal with not discussing the matter with her.

 

[acacia]

As a daughter living with and caring for mum with AD, mum has always been in denial so I quickly learned to drop the subject completely.

This is not scientific by any means, but I have put denial down, in my own brain, as just the bodies way of protecting mum; if nothing else, it helps me deal with not discussing the matter with her.

Living in Spain. When my O.H. started to have memory problems I went to see our Dr. on my own and explained my concerns unfortunately my Dr. said it was old age, recently I have been to see a locum and he has prescribed medication which is really helping. We don't discuss the problem, I actually joke about it and this seems to work. Early on we seemed to row and he became aggressive and defensive then blaming me for moving his possessions. He is much happier and calmer, when he did become repetative I just went off to the bathroom for 5 minutes. Hope you can find what will work for you, other people with more experience than me will no doubt offer you their advice. Best Wishes, let us know how you get on.

Acacia.

 

[Starvin]

I now accept my diagnosis , I was exactly the same for some time . Don't worry there's no rush to accepting you have a mental illness ! Let him get on with his life

 

[Gabrielle-amie]

Denial caused by fear?

My husband was dianosed with Alzheimer's (frontal lobe atrophy) four years ago. He is constantly saying that there is nothing wrong with him, that he can still have serious discussions with his friends on his previous profession, but he is obviously worried about the outcome of the disease. I tell him every case of the disease is different with each person and that he is lucky because he has been prescribed Ebixa which is slowing down his disease. He hates the regular tests, but it has been better since the testing was done by the community nurse over a cup of tea and chat, than with the consultant. He is getting very frustrated and hates not getting things right.
One of the worst things about his disease is the paranoia about neighbours and others. Has anyhone else experience of this? I try distraction techniques but sometimes just walk away. How do others cope?