Aggression & refusing to wash

[luceski]

Hi everyone, I’m posting as I dont know what else to do!

My mum has Alzheimer's (mid-late stage) and i’ve moved home to help my dad care for her. (They are both in their 70s).

Mum is refusing to wash (no shower, wont wash hair) and is also refusing to change her underwear.
We have tried everything! Have suggested a pamper day, a trip to the hairdressers, a flannel wash but everything we suggest is met with aggression & refusal. We even bought some shampoo caps but they are gathering dust.
She is getting really smelly & my Dad is getting very stressed which I'm worried about as he isn't in the best health himself.
She has not washed since April & currently is wearing 3 pairs of knickers and a pair of socks she hasn't changed (also since April).
Im concerned she will get sores or an infection and her feet must be very painful.

We lay out fresh clothes for her everyday. We have bought multiples of the same clothing but still she wont change. If we suggest she changes we are met with “it’s my body, my choice!” Or she will point blank refuse to saying she has already changed.
She throws tantrums and has started to hit us/slam doors and we’ve just got to that point where we dont know what else to do.

We have had a carers assessment - about 4 weeks ago now & they have suggested a carer to come in 3x a week in the mornings but we think this could take a while to set up.

Has anyone got any other suggestions we can try to get her clean?

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @luceski and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read that you are having such difficulties getting your mum to wash, shower or change her clothes. This is such a common issue with people who have dementia. We have members on here who have said that their PWDs have not had a shower for months or even going on for a year. There is not easy solution to this problem but you do seem to be doing all of the things that our members try.

Sometimes the PWD will accept help from outside carers and other times they will not. You could try telling your mum that the doctor says that she must change her clothes and have a wash otherwise she might end up in hospital with an infection but again there is no guarantee that will work.

I have attached a link about washing and dressing but you do seem to be following most of the advice.

How does dementia affect washing and dressing?

Find out why washing and dressing can become difficult for people with dementia, and get practical tips to help with washing, bathing, dressing and personal grooming.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Hopefully other members will come along with their experiences and advice on what worked for them.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome from me too @luceski.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum. It must be very distressing for both you and your dad. was also going to add the link that @SeaSwallow added but like her I do think you are doing everything that's suggested there.

You may find it useful to talk to an Admiral Nurse -

How we can support you

Dementia UK is a charity that provides Admiral Nurses for families affected by dementia. Call our Dementia Helpline to find out how we can support you.

www.dementiauk.org

I do hope that you can get carers for your mum soon.