Dear diary.......

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
0
Southampton
@jennifer1967 - I think everyone speaks to Hercule, but she has not learned any new words in a long time. I am trying to teach her to say "hello Helen", but the progress is very slow.
In other news, Daddy had his blood test and urine dip today so hopefully we are inching closer to a referral back to the memory clinic.
Good thing as he was up every hour last night, arguing with the carer. Muttering grimly today about getting rid of her. We all know he cannot function without her. Speaking to an admiral nyrse this afternoon. Hopefully they have some ideas as I think we are running out of them........
I wondered if she swore at them. The carer is not going to put up with waking as well. Can't they do anything to calm dad down. Hopefully the admiral nurse might have some ideas to help the situation. You must be worn out. Take care of you too
 

Helly19682

Registered User
Feb 26, 2024
114
0
@jennifer1967 - thank you for that. I am very tired. Fortunately Hercule was never taught to swear, though she makes noises in parrot (so to speak) that are definitely not polite!

Yesterday, I think I may have made some progress. After ringing to get a GP call back - a GP actually called back the same day! I used the phrase "vulnerable older person who is a safeguarding risk" so thanks to everyone on here for that advice from many threads.
GP listened, and then suggested Mirtazipine be prescribed (to help mood and sleep) and will refer for a visit from the Older Persons Mental Health Team at home. I was very relieved. Why the previous GP insisted on referring to the memory clinic and not prescribing, I will never know. I collect the prescription today and hopefully the assessment visit should be arranged within 2 weeks.
I am cautious, as you never know what will happen but this is good news. It is strange, when you are listened to as a carer, its as though you start to exist again and you see glimpses of the more rational world that others live in.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,419
0
Surrey
‘It is strange, when you are listened to as a carer, its as though you start to exist again and you see glimpses of the more rational world that others live in.’

This is most profound and true Helly! Do you mind if I share this quote with the researcher who is considering carers and their support? I will not mention who it is from.

Im so glad the GP listened to you. What a difference!
 

Helly19682

Registered User
Feb 26, 2024
114
0
@sdmhred - thank you! Happy to have the quote used. If it would help I can also talk to the researcher.

I think it is about the fact that as carers, we are often fighting an unseen battle, with services, for and sometimes in the best interests if not wants of our loved ones, and also fighting our own feelings of frustration, inadequacy, sadness, family tension, you name it. When some one "gets" this, and we don't have to fight, it is as though you are coming out of a fog or somewhere where people cannot see you. It is validating, though these moments are often small within a much longer journey which is very hard.

Being a carer is by far the most terrifying thing I have ever done.

Making decisions that literally keep me awake at night. I am lucky that I have support from my sister. Seeing both my parents go through things that I cannot control and that most other people have no inkling of.

At it's worst it can be the total denial of self (after all, its rarely about us is it?) and at best you get glimpses of why you care as part of an emotional rollercoaster. I am constantly amazed at the resilience and determination of people on this forum.
 

Helly19682

Registered User
Feb 26, 2024
114
0
@MaNaAk - thank you for that. Hope things are going well for you. Very overcast here today - I bet Jacky the Tortoise is disappointed at the lack of sun.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,419
0
Surrey
@sdmhred - thank you! Happy to have the quote used. If it would help I can also talk to the researcher.

I think it is about the fact that as carers, we are often fighting an unseen battle, with services, for and sometimes in the best interests if not wants of our loved ones, and also fighting our own feelings of frustration, inadequacy, sadness, family tension, you name it. When some one "gets" this, and we don't have to fight, it is as though you are coming out of a fog or somewhere where people cannot see you. It is validating, though these moments are often small within a much longer journey which is very hard.

Being a carer is by far the most terrifying thing I have ever done.

Making decisions that literally keep me awake at night. I am lucky that I have support from my sister. Seeing both my parents go through things that I cannot control and that most other people have no inkling of.

At it's worst it can be the total denial of self (after all, its rarely about us is it?) and at best you get glimpses of why you care as part of an emotional rollercoaster. I am constantly amazed at the resilience and determination of people on this forum.
Thanks Helly. ‘Being heard’ and understood is so important!
 

annieka 56

Registered User
Aug 8, 2022
346
0
Apparently we could have a district nurse to come to take blood from my housebound husband. Also the Older Persons Mental Health Team could send a nurse to do the same.
He has not had a blood test for 3 years to see how he's coping with the couple of medications he takes relating to his dementia let alone his overall health.
The big problem is, he cannot tolerate being touched. At all. Especially following a terrible but short recent experience in a care home. I am now using Nilaqua products to do minimal cleaning of his skin which even so causes him to lash out .
Having blood taken at home seems unimaginable and I don't quite know what we are going to do.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
0
Southampton
I'm housebound and they come out to do mine and my husband had his done last week at home
There is a specialist depth phlebotomist that take blood in the home
 

Hima

Registered User
Apr 30, 2024
16
0
A big hug for you. I pray for more and more strength.
 
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Helly19682

Registered User
Feb 26, 2024
114
0
Thank you @MaNaAk and @Hima . Some days, I am not sure how I cope either! Hopefully now my father has a new drug therapy, this may help things settle a bit. I will update here in case it's helpful for anyone else struggling with care for a loved one who does not sleep or is active at night
 

Helly19682

Registered User
Feb 26, 2024
114
0
@MaNaAk - thank you for your concern.
It is now a week since Daddy started Mirtazipine. He seems to be sleeping better, but has some slurring of speech and seems a bit more confused. I think we may need to wait a bit to see how he does, but the waking at night does seem to be improving.
The GP referral to the Older People's Mental Health Team has borne fruit, and tomorrow they are doing a home visit to my father with me attending as well. In true forum style, I have sent an email of my concerns in advance of the meeting - thank you wise forum members!
I hope this meeting will help to review his medication, see if anything else can be done to promote sleep at night and improve his mood. I know that drugging people is a difficult issue, but I am concerned that his anxiety and fatigue are affecting his quality of life. I hope we can find a solution that helps him to deal with the changes he has undergone recently.
 

Helly19682

Registered User
Feb 26, 2024
114
0
Todays update - Panic at the Pharmacy - a regular carers story!

Running out of meds. Pharmacy cannot prescribe more even though not enough were given for the dosage. Cue frustration. Kindly receptionist got GP to do a new scrip. Sorted. Then also got a lot of other repeat prescription items - including some we don't need! By that time I just picked up the bags and left the pharmacy, as I had just enough time to pick up my own medication, from another pharmacy.
Also trying to get a new relief carer to cover breaks. Sometimes I feel if I just organised this, that rather than the agency, it might be quicker as I seem to have to be involved at every stage.
However, Daddy on good form today, and Hercule the Parrot gave me a warning shriek rather than biting me, so all in all it turned out OK.
Can I go to bed now?
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,419
0
Surrey
Panic at the Pharmacy 🤣🤣 I’ve definitely been there and that is ONE job I am so glad the care home do!!!

Go Helly go……you’re on a roll!!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
0
Southampton
Wow yes chemist a nightmare. I would take the meds and run too. Sort it out later. We'll done hercule looks like you have formed a solid bond. Sometimes parrots can organise things better!!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂
 

Helly19682

Registered User
Feb 26, 2024
114
0
Thanks for the replies everyone!
A surreal moment trying to explain to the chemist that even at a dose of 1 tablet 4 times a day (the lower suggested dose), 100 tablets are not going to last a month. Even Hercule laughed when I was telling Daddy and his carer later! Parrots for the win!
On a more serious note, Mirtazipine seems to be working to improve mood and sleep, so this is very welcome. The Community Mental Health team were helpful at their visit, and I now have a contact if he needs further medication or crisis intervention. Well hopefully anyway.
Lets see what today brings.......