1. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    232
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    Hi,
    I was wondering whether anyone had any advice - I'm sure some of you will have been through this. My Dad's sister is coming up to see him at his CH next weekend - she is 83. She hasn't seen him for many many years - she lives a long way away. She doesn't know how bad he is and I don't know what I should do to prepare her. She is going to get a huge shock, although I think she is pretty switched on for an 83 year old. My Dad won't know who she is and he won't even acknowledge her. In fact I think it might distress him having her, her daughter and me all there trying to get his attention.

    I thought I might ask the staff if we could see him in a separate room, although my Dad won't stay put anywhere for long. It is going to be horrendous and I don't know how best to approach it.
    Thanks,
    Carolyn
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,108
    Toronto, Canada
    Carolyn,
    I think you should tell your aunt that your father is not the man he used to be and that you think it will be a distressing time. You should probably mention how he may ignore her. Having said that, I think it's probably important for your aunt to see him.

    If you think 3 people at once will overwhelm your father, try going in one at a time. Or you with her first and then your cousin. Play it by ear.

    Good luck.
     
  3. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Carolyn
    Joanne's advice is very good. It will be a distressing experience, for your aunt and cousin. You know best how Dad is likely to react. I often wonder what my relatives (including my middle sister) would make of Dad if they bothered to visit now. I would worry about them less, and be more concerned for my dad being on the receiving end of a shocked response from others. I know that everbody's situation is different. Trust your own judgement Carolyn.
    take care
    hendy
     
  4. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    Hi Carolyn

    My dad is still at home, however, when my brother decides to visit him, which is not very often, I find that my dad is so totally different to what he is like on a daily basis.
    He seems to go very quiet, calm, shows no agression at all. He does however, fidget a lot.
    When my brother visits I leave the house after a short while.
    (If I could guarantee that he would actually turn up then I would stay at home but there have been numerous times when he has said that he will be visiting and doesn't turm up).
    I would certainly talk to your aunt beforehand thus advising her of your dads decline so she will at least be a bit prepared and it won't then come as such a shock to her.
    Take it slowly
    Love Andrea
     

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