Dad's Sister is coming

[Carolynlott]

Hi,
I was wondering whether anyone had any advice - I'm sure some of you will have been through this. My Dad's sister is coming up to see him at his CH next weekend - she is 83. She hasn't seen him for many many years - she lives a long way away. She doesn't know how bad he is and I don't know what I should do to prepare her. She is going to get a huge shock, although I think she is pretty switched on for an 83 year old. My Dad won't know who she is and he won't even acknowledge her. In fact I think it might distress him having her, her daughter and me all there trying to get his attention.

I thought I might ask the staff if we could see him in a separate room, although my Dad won't stay put anywhere for long. It is going to be horrendous and I don't know how best to approach it.
Thanks,
Carolyn

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Carolyn,
I think you should tell your aunt that your father is not the man he used to be and that you think it will be a distressing time. You should probably mention how he may ignore her. Having said that, I think it's probably important for your aunt to see him.

If you think 3 people at once will overwhelm your father, try going in one at a time. Or you with her first and then your cousin. Play it by ear.

Good luck.

 

[hendy]

Hi Carolyn
Joanne's advice is very good. It will be a distressing experience, for your aunt and cousin. You know best how Dad is likely to react. I often wonder what my relatives (including my middle sister) would make of Dad if they bothered to visit now. I would worry about them less, and be more concerned for my dad being on the receiving end of a shocked response from others. I know that everbody's situation is different. Trust your own judgement Carolyn.
take care
hendy

 

[andrear]

Hi Carolyn

My dad is still at home, however, when my brother decides to visit him, which is not very often, I find that my dad is so totally different to what he is like on a daily basis.
He seems to go very quiet, calm, shows no agression at all. He does however, fidget a lot.
When my brother visits I leave the house after a short while.
(If I could guarantee that he would actually turn up then I would stay at home but there have been numerous times when he has said that he will be visiting and doesn't turm up).
I would certainly talk to your aunt beforehand thus advising her of your dads decline so she will at least be a bit prepared and it won't then come as such a shock to her.
Take it slowly
Love Andrea