Dad went wild last night on the rampage

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by deepetshopboy, Dec 7, 2019.

  1. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    had a horrible horrendous experience yesterday my dad managed to get back to were he used to live yesterday evening ( not hard as i live over the rd from there )
    he lived in a small block of flats for 25 yrs moved 7 yrs ago 3 miles away but i now live across the rd from the block he was completely out of character as he never had much interest before in it but yesterday he was at my place my house and we went to go home by bus got to the bus stop but it was being replaced so had to go a different way after a while got quite aggressive and stormed off shouting saying were we going back in the direction of the old house half mile way by now frogmarched himself back me running after pleading with him he said i was mad he lived in there wouldn’t listen to reason was wild stood outside hes old block for a hour ringing everybody bells asking to be let in shouting ranting saying hes bed was there I couldn’t calm him down in the end despite my best efforts he got in to the block was running up and down stairs kicking banging doors using hes key in doors shouting on the rampage I ended up calling the police and ambulance nothing much was done as he camed down in the back of the ambulance they ended up bringing him to hospital as he heart rate was over the normal rate but because we live in inner London the hospital was packed one of the nurses shouted at me for bringing him there ! He was getting agaited after half hour the nurse saw him hes heart rate had decreased but wanted him to wait to see dr i know I shouldn’t have but decided i would just try and get him hime i was exhausted recovering from flu hadn't eaten all day was the middle of the night no help just sat on chairs in packed waiting room so i just left and called a taxi i know it probably wasnt the sensible thing to do but just couldn’t listen to him moaning all night i hope im
    Not going get judged had to do what was best under the circumstances but its coming to end of the line now i think of me looking after my dad i just dont know whats going happen as hes still semi independent im hes full time carer he wont even go to day centre hes 72 fit and healthy apart from dementia ☹️
     
  2. Andrew_McP

    Andrew_McP Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    240
    Male
    South Northwest
    Sometimes I get depressed at how far my mother has declined, but when I read posts like yours I remember past miseries, shudder, and thank our lucky stars that her journey through this desperate condition is closer to ending.

    Sometimes we are virtually powerless to influence situations, especially in the earlier stages where strength is still there but logic is completely absent. You did what you could, so well done for caring enough to keep him safe even if you couldn't keep him calm and out of trouble.

    We've all been there and we've all failed. But every moment you're trying is a success. Take care, you did well.
     
  3. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,532
    Essex
    Dear Deepetshopboy,

    I don't want to see you get ill over this and personally I feel angry towards that nurse and if I were you I would complain. You are doing your best for your dad and I think he needs more care now. I didn't like to think of it at the time but it might be an idea to start looking into residential care. You could start by looking at care homes in your area and at least putting his name down.

    You need to visit a few homes and look at the number of activities they have. How the staff relate to the residents and don't announce your visit. Please keep us posted.

    Hugs

    MaNaAk
     
  4. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    Thank you i just wanted to get the horrendous experience of my chest
    some of hes old neighbours were still living there had to explain he had dementia,wasnt hard to see when haf a elderly man going round banging on doors saying hes bed and clothes and cat was in there flats was like a nightmare just feel depressed and powerless now as to what to do next awful awful situation
     
  5. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    Thanks already had a look at one was in the process of looking at few others not much choice as only 4 la funded homes in borough social worker coming Monday for pre arranged appointment so ill tell her the latest twist really really didn’t want to go down this route and my dad won't stay in a home i dont know how they going do it and i dint want to make this decision
     
  6. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,671
    Nottinghamshire
    What a horrible frightening experience for you and your dad @deepetshopboy. Your poor dad must be so confused - how dare those people keep him locked out of his own home! Not true I know - but very real to him. If I thought someone was keeping me out of my home and my pets were in there I’d be frantic too.

    I don’t see how you can manage a situation like this on your own and I hope the social worker can get him somewhere safe if only temporarily then perhaps some medication can help to calm him.
     
  7. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,532
    Essex

    I know exactly how you feel as I have been there but you have to tell yourself that you have and are continuing to do your best. Also your dad wouldn't want you to make yourself ill. I never told dad he was in a home but he settled in very well and ended with a girlfriend within weeks.

    MaNaAk
     
  8. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    Thank u hes ok now got back last night made himself a big sandwich a 3 cups of tea then went to bed just like we had a perfectly normal evening out ! Oh god ..
    I dont know i cant even think straight just want to crawel under a rock and wake up
    Its all been a nightmare
     
  9. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    Thank u im not sure my dad will settle ...ever
    he likes doing stuff pottering around washing up etc i cant see him being content with 1 room , a day room with sedated pwd and a tv ..unless i get him in a home with plenty of carers activities etc but the ones ive saw in my area there isnt its la funded with very advanced dementia patients im going have a battle to get him in somewere adequately suited to him
     
  10. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    2,005
    Female
    What a distressing experience for you, and for your dad. I hope when you meet the social worker s/he understands that he urgently needs help.

    Your dad may settle in a care home better than you expect. Some PWDs become less agitated and restless in a CH, I think they feel safer because they don't have to worry about trying to function in a world which they no longer understand. So it may work out for him, and it really sounds as if a care home is what he needs now.
     
  11. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,532
    Essex
    This is what happened with my dad when I put him in a home. I used to get the impression that he needed constant company which I couldn't always provide for him because he started to need to have someone in the same room as him at all times.

    MaNaAk
     
  12. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    How did you get around it because the home i visited was only 1 care assistent to about 10 people!
    ive heard from one lady who came out from care agency told me they had their carers going in homes employed by family members to help with bath eating etc as home told them they never had the time or staff to do it shocking
     
  13. Marnie63

    Marnie63 Registered User

    Dec 26, 2015
    1,623
    Hampshire
    I feel for you. I went through some really difficult times with my mum (she died last year), but because I was so determined to keep her at home, I endured the horrendous times, which eventually passed. With the help of the home visits by the community psychiatric team, she was prescribed various things which did help to calm her (basically they knocked her out and she slept more) during those times. Maybe something like this could help you if you could get a Community Psychiatric Nurse allocated for home visits? I think ours came via the Memory Clinic, via the GP and hospital discharge. They came daily for a while as things were so difficult. Eventually mum settled and I weaned her off some of the 'harder' drugs (with the GP's consent) and those 'manic' times never returned. Sadly it took a further progression of the dementia for that to happen.

    When I had two crises and the situation was totally unbearable (for both of us), I phoned 999 and on both occasions they took mum into hospital. Although that was also hard in having to spend so much time in hospital with her (lack of proper dementia understanding and care), it did lead to Psychiatry involvement which then led to further visits from the community psychiatric team once she came home. Those hospital stays were a nightmare and I am still traumatised by them, but it was worth it for getting mum 'into the system' and referred for all the follow up visits at home.

    It's not for me to give advice, but my last resort with mum was the stronger meds prescribed by the Psychiatrist. At least it made the situation more manageable at the time. Not only was I run ragged, but it wasn't good for mum's physical health either.

    I wish you all the best in finding some help.
     
  14. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,532
    Essex
    Dear Deepetshop,

    I didn't realise you didn't have carers coming in so this is a good place to start. First of all your local authority should put you in touch with your local dementia friend coordinator who can recommend a few care agencies for you then you need to get in contact with them and discuss your situation and ask about fees and how they would care for your dad in an emergency.

    Secondly I am not impressed with the care home you describe but you can pick up a booklet on homes and care agencies in your local surgery. I could even suggest that you look at daycentres and other activities that might be suitable for your dad.

    MaNaAk
     
  15. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    Ive been in contact constantly with the memory clinic nurse regarding my dad getting worse not sleeping etc she had a big meeting after waiting 3 weeks for her to get back to me said they dont want to give him anymore drugs hes already on mementine and aricept ive been going to and between gp and memory clinic
    gps washed there hands of it said has to be memory clininc decision memory clininc said coming in January to visit will access him but no more tablets for now
    only spoke to her monday ive had to resort to giving him sleeping tablets herbal as he wasn’t sleeping and pacing that was original reason i contacted them but also told her he’s getting worse ie fidgety asked about rispedrol etc said no im really at my wits end
     
  16. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    2,005
    Female
    Sometimes family members volunteer to help with personal care in a care home, but it shouldn't be necessary, it should be something they do if they want to.

    Carers coming in for 4 times a day wouldn't help with the issues the OP is experiencing with her dad. Unless his agitation can be controlled by medication, he needs to be in a safe environment so he can't put himself at risk by wandering.
     
  17. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,207
    Before the SW meeting, be sure to have the "Incident numbers" from both the police and ambulance, to give, these are the official record of what happened, and back up your account.
    Don't be afraid of father going into Care, it will get him the care he needs, which will be greater than you can provide on your own.

    Bod
     
  18. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    408
    What a horrible time for you and your dad! He must have been so distressed at what he believed was happening to behave like that and you must have been so distressed at what was 'actually' happening. What a nightmare for you. You did well to keep him safe through that I think ringing police and ambulance was right thing. I can't believe a health care professional could get angry at you for taking him to hospital. I keep being surprised and shocked by what I read and hear about whats said by people who you would expect to understand how to deal with people with dementia. It makes me think nobody really knows what its actually like.
    Sorry no useful advice but lots of sympathy and hope for some help soon being sent your way x
     
  19. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    Hi he did have carers from April to nov this yr bar a month break when he had accidentally scalded hes leg but then care agency cancelled saying i never signed contract originally( i did ) tbh i had nothing but problems with them i had to complain to cqc about them but had to use them as tried 3 others were horrific even worse so continued to use them but since they cancelled was a perfect storm my dad started wandering at night which meant i had to move in with him .i got flu , carers agency , cancelled relatives i had had personal crisis dad wandering so ive had no help in last month
    Or respite .
    hi i did have carers coming in 3 times a week from April till nov but they suddenly cancelled through no fault of my own blaming me saying that I didn’t sign the contract i did tbh they were rubbish not turning up and leaving early constant problems but continued to use them as had no choice after they cancelled i left a negative review on cqc website who then contacted me asking me what happened and the various issues i had with them as they rated outstanding i was really fed up .
    There's no dementia advocate here theres age uk community connectors who been and only deals with community based things like centres he can go to
    .ss gave me a list of care agency approved by them most of which ive rung but they saying they call me back but didn’t or they wont do morning time as he doesn’t need personal care ive tried in vain to get carers since but some agencys say they have no staff im waiting on another agency now to get back ive tried in vain its not for the want of trying !!! Im run ragged in the last month ive had to move back in with my dad ive had the flu had my dad wandering at night had carers cancelling tried and failed to get him into daycare he hated it had no help from relatives as there own parents was taken ill etc just been a nightmare im getting lost and bogged down i the whole system it’s left me in despair
     
  20. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    221
    Thank you yes was when things like this happen makes you think this is a nightmare were it going end ? it made me realise that I seriously now need to reconsider my plans i was completely out of my depth.,embrassed at the whole situation and in despair at my dad at the indignity of it all and felt embarrassed for him that its come to this he would be mortified in hes normal state he's got no record of it this morning or that he showed himself up in front of hes old neighbours and I couldn’t help him or calm him down
     

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